Months had passed, and my baby bump was already slightly visible.
When I'm looking at the mirror, napapansin kong hindi ako nag tumataba, like previous body ko padin but with a baby bump.
Hindi rin ako Yung haggard, i have ni dark circles under my eyes. Stretch marks? Mayroon na pero hindi ganoon kahalata dahil walang nangingitim sa part ng body ko.
I still look fresh, but when it comes to my mood, ay mabilis akong umiyak, mairita at matuwa sa mga simpleng bagay.
Today is my gender reveal, hindi ko alam ang gender. Si Delta ang nakakaalam.
Sila alpha ay nandito na sa bahay na tinutuluyan ko dito sa Paris, the eiffel tower can be seen through the glass walls.
Every night, I would stare at it, thinking if
How will things be if vlad was here?
The longing is hard, everyday I'm looking for his presence.
I told the elite team that I'm over it, and I already moved on, but I'm still looking for him in crowded places.
I told myself that maybe he already had another girl, but I found myself still hoping.
I tried to convince myself that we're already over, but I found myself always dreaming about him.
I want to feel him again, his presence, his warmth, his hug.
I want to see him again, his smile, his face.
Whenever I smell a perfume that smells like him, I'm always looking at that person, hoping that maybe it was him.
But I'm always wrong.
"Hoy," Napakunot ang noo ko kay lorde.
"Ano?" Iritable kong tanong.
"Game na," marahan ako nitong hinila papunta sa living room.
Nandoon kasi ako sa kwarto ko kanina.
Pagdating ko sa living room ay nakita ko sila alpha, epsilon, lota at Delta Pati na rin si guild na may hawak na heart shaped cake.
Guild placed the cake on the table and handed me the knife.
"Pustahan tayo babae yan," Epsilon said.
"Pustahan tayo bakla yan," si epsilon.
"Tanga, tombi yan," si alpha.
Napailing na lamang si guild sakanilang dalawa. Kahit kelan talaga itong mga to.
"Teka," lota took out her phone and started recording.
Kinakabahan ako, "taympers."
Natawa kaming lahat sa panginginig ng kamay ko.
"Hiwain mo na ang perlas!" Napatakip ako sa kanang tenga ko nang sumigaw si epsilon.
"Tangina mo naman, hindi ka ba makapag hintay?" Iritang Sabi ko sakanya. Ngumuso lang ito.
Ini-slice ko na ang cake at pinag parte ko ito, nilagay ko sa maliit na plato ang na slice ko.
The cake showed color blue inside, napatakip ako ng bibig ko.
My eyes went teary. It's a boy.
"Pre, bakla pre!" Natawa ako nang biglang Sabi ni epsilon.
"Gago," malutong na mura ko sakanya.
Nagsalin si Delta ng champagne sa anim na glass, at isang juice.
Hindi naman ako pwede ng champagne.
"Cheers for the baby boy!" Si lorde.
Our glass clinks as it meets.
"May apo ka na papa guild!" Napatawa kami nang maligalig na lumingkis si lorde.
"Sana ay hindi katumbas ninyong tatlo nila epsilon," pag iling ni guild.
Tama, tangina Sana nga.
"What do you want to name him?" Guild asked.
I caressed my stomach, "Silver."
Silver, just like his father's eyes.
Vladimir's eyes are light grey, just like silver.
And I want to remember his eyes by naming our child after the color of his eyes.
Nagsaya kami, at nag kwentuhan about sa future ng magiging baby ko.
I'm thankful to them because they stayed by my side.
11PM when they left, before leaving, Epsilon washed the dishes and cleaned the mess in the living room. When he finished, he bid his goodbye and left.
I'm current in my bedroom, standing in front of the tinted glass wall. My arms are crossed.
I'm staring at the eiffel Tower like I usually do.
Vlad, our baby is a boy.
Would he be a look like you?
If yes, I would be happy.
After all that had happened, I found myself wanting to remember you forever, I found myself don't want to let go of you. Of your memories.
If loving you was to love the memories of you, I will gladly love it, and you forever.
If our love is tragedy, I didn't regret that you're my remedy vlad.
You healed the part that was broken inside me, yet you broke something inside me, too.
He was my healer, but I broke something inside him that led him to be mad at me.
I hurt him, I hurt my first love.
"It's just you and me, baby," I mumbled to myself while caressing my stomach.
Silver, I'm sorry I won't be able to reach your father.
He sees me as his enemy now, not the woman he loved.
Pano ako lalaban kung sya ang kalaban ko?
Pano ako lalaban kung hindi ko sya kayang labanan?
How can I fight him when he is my weakness?
Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang mga luha ko, agad ko iyong pinunasan.
I sighed heavily, and I walked towards my bed, and i lay on my back.
I fell asleep, thinking about him.
I woke up when I felt something crawling up on my leg, I opened my eyes and glanced down.
It was black.
"Black," I gestured him to crawled up, and I closed my eyes again.
I felt him crawling up. He stays on my chest.
I gently caressed its head.
Maya maya pa ay minulat ko na ang mga mata ko, I still have to do something.
Black slowly crawled down on the bed. As I sat down, I covered my mouth and stood up.
Mabilis ang mga hakbang ko na pumunta sa banyo, I vomit on the sink.
As soon as I finished throwing up, I cleaned my mouth with a mouth wash.
I wiped my mouth with tissue, and I threw in the bin as I stepped out of the bathroom.
Lumabas ako ng kwarto ko at bumaba na, I started cooking.
I'm cooking beaf steak, nag ca-crave kasi ako.
Habang nakasalang ang beaf steak ay pinakain ko na muna si black, at nagtimpla ako ng gatas.
As I finished cooking, i started eating alone.
I sighed, I never felt so alone.
I miss my sister, I miss my father, I miss my mom.
And I miss him too.
I still remember how I was betrayed by irene, I didn't expect it.
She was so good to me, I didn't expect that my sister would also hold the knife I didn't see.
I remembered how we would always play when we were a child, I remembered her always clinging to me, and I was annoyed at the same time Comfortable.
The memories of her, taking care of me whenever im sick.
And my father.
I still remember how he held me in his arms when I was a child, how he comforted me that night.
That night was thundering, I was scared of thunders.
Then my father came into my room that night, I was crying in his arms like a child would do if she was scared.
He hugged me all night and swayed me slowly to sleep as he comforted me.
"Shh, it's gonna be okay. Princess, daddy's here." That words still in my mind.
I dropped the fork and knife on my place and covered my face as I cried.
"Fuck," I sobbed.
That moment is just one time. One time only yet it was living inside my head replaying repeatedly.
I will never forget that because I don't want to.
I cried silently.
"Daddy, I'm so miserable." I cried.
Hindi nagtagal ang pag iyak ko at tumahan din ako, pinilit ko ang sarili ko na kumalma at tumahan.
Tanghali nang dumating si epsilon, may dala syang mga groceries.
Nilapag nya ang mga iyon sa lamesa sa dining area, napansin kong mga extra pang limang black paper bag.
Pagkatapos nya ilapag ang mga dala nya ay binagsak nya ang katawan nya sa couch, sinandal nya ang ulo nya at pumikit.
"Umiyak ka nanaman?" Tanong nito.
"Alam mo na yon," Saad ko.
Napabuntong hininga ito, "ako nalang kasi isipin mo."
"Tigil tigilan mo nga ako," mataray na Saad ko dito.
Tumawa sya ng bahagya at inalis ang pagkakasanal sa couch at tumingin sakin.
"Pinapabigay pala ni Papa guild," inabot Nya ang isang black paper bag at isa isang nilabas ang laman non.
Mga milk bottles iyon, kulay blue. Tatlong blue na may design ng shark at dalawang green na may design ng dinosaur.
Balak ko pa naman Sana bumili, wag nalang pala.
"Sakanya din ba galing Yung groceries?" Nakasimangot kong tanong.
"Malamang," masungit na Saad nito saakin.
Gusto kong waldasin ang pera ko pero hindi ko magawa, dahil ang mga pangangailangan ko ay si guild ang nag po-provide.
Para syang tumatayong tatay ko but I admit, I'm thankful for that.
Well, hindi lang sya saakin ganyan. Ganyan sya saaming lahat.
Kaya nga 'Papa guild' ang tawag nila alpha, lorde at epsilon dahil tatay na ang turing nila sakanya.
At kung mawawaldas ko man ang pera ko ay sa mga luho ko na lamang o sa mga bagay na gusto ko bilhin.
Pabango, damit, at kung ano makita ko sa online. Waldasera kasi akong Tao.
"Eto pa."
Nilabas ni epsilon ang laman ng isa pang paper bag, mga lampin iyon, towel at mga sabon ng bata.
Kinuha ko ang isang paper bag na may laman pa at puro iyon gamit pang bata, brush ng milk bottle at gatas.
Ang laman ng dalawang paper bag ay mga damit na pang newborn baby, may bonete din.
Yung totoo, sya ba ang magulang o ako?
"Grabe," Saad ko.
"Wag ka mag alala pag lumaki anak mo ako na magbibigay ng kailangan nya," ngumisi saakin si epsilon.
"Kaya ko," inirapan ko ito.
"Sus, hindi mo mabibigay ang ibibigay ko." Mayabang na Saad nito.
"Ano ba ibibigay mo?" Kunot noo kong tanong.
"Baril," naibato ko sakanya ang hawak kong brush ng milk bottle.
Tumatawa syang nasalo ito, "bakit? Kaya mo? Papahawakan mo ba ng baril?" Natatawang Saad nito.
"Tigil-tigilan mo, ikaw babarilin ko." Tiningnan ko ito ng masama.
Napakunot ang noo ko nang ma-drama itong napahawak sa dibdib nya at umaaktong nasasaktan.
"Ah.. my heart," oa na Sabi nito.
"Dukutin ko yan," iniripan ko ito.
"Ang Alin?" Nakangising Saad nito.
Inirapan ko ito, "Yang bungo mo."
"Ah, kala ko.."
"Kala mo ano?" Taas kilay kong Saad dito.
Mas lalong lumaki ang ngisi nito.
"Tit-"
"Putangina mo," malutong na pagputol ko sakanya.
Tumawa ito ng malakas.
Potang lalaki to, konti nalang at sya na ang mumurderin ko.
Nang tumigil sya sa kakatawa ay tumikhim ito.
"Pero seryoso, bakit ka umiyak? Iniisip mo sya?" Seryosong tanong nito.
There's no point of denying it, epsilon knows how to psycho a person. So I nodded.
Tumayo ito sa kinauupuan nya, "Come here."
"Bakit?" Takang tanong ko.
"Halika na," he gestured me to come to him.
Seryoso sya kaya lumapit ako sakanya.
Bahagya pa akong nagulat nang yakapin ako nito, but I let him.
This is Epsilon's comfort gesture, he doesn't know how to comfort people by words but he can by his gestures.
I hugged him back.
______________
🦋