Morning sunlight spilled over the academy grounds like warm honey, bathing the courtyards and steepled towers in a golden sheen of serenity.
It was a lie.
Rei knew this because, inside his dorm, he was hiding behind a fake bookshelf labeled "Definitely Not a Panic Room," eating cold toast, and whispering daily affirmations.
"I am alive. I survived yesterday. I can do this."
The door creaked.
He screamed like a goat.
"Relax," said his roommate-slash-bodyguard Rosette from the hallway. "It's just me. And also Lilia. And Drakana. And Seraphina. And Astra."
Rei's eyes twitched. "Why are all five of you outside my room at 6 A.M.?!"
There was an ominous pause.
Rosette replied flatly, "You overslept by twelve minutes. Suspicious."
A knock followed. "Darling~ You'll be late for school~!" Lilia sang sweetly in that tone that always made the nearby walls develop cracks. "We prepared your uniform. We steamed your cape. I polished your shoes with a sacred oil used to anoint kings!"
"She means spit," Rosette clarified.
[System Warning: Sanity Level = 34%. Initiating micro-nap mode.]
"No," Rei muttered. "Not again."
He bolted upright and slammed the bookshelf open.
"Fine! I'll go to class! Just—let me live through breakfast!"
Astra tilted her head innocently. "You had breakfast? I was planning on spoon-feeding you oatmeal shaped like my initials."
Drakana folded her arms, tail swishing with restrained rage. "He hasn't had his dragon-protein morning shake. This is a violation of our pact."
Seraphina simply levitated his toast, blessed it, and set it on celestial fire. "The flames of devotion must temper even a common loaf."
Rei looked at his burnt breakfast. "I just wanted carbs. Not communion."
[System Notification: You have gained (0.01) Divine Resistance.]
[Note: It won't help.]
Incredibly, Rei made it to class. Barely. With only mild emotional trauma and two minor cape singes.
Professor Gildemoor adjusted his monocle and tapped the lectern.
"Attention, students! I bring joyous tidings!" he bellowed. "The Academy's Annual School Festival is upon us!"
Cheers erupted across the room.
"Each house will prepare a grand attraction! Themed booths, performances, games, food stalls, and more! All under this year's glorious theme:"
He turned with flair and pointed to the blackboard.
"Hunt Your Beloved!"
Rei's smile froze. "…what."
[System Alert: "Comedic Irony Event" triggered.]
[New Quest: Survive until the end of the School Festival.]
[Reward: Possibly still being engaged to only five people.]
[Failure: Public dismemberment. Or worse. Group cuddles.]
"Professor…" Rei raised his hand shakily. "Can we get clarification on the hunt part? That doesn't sound very... consensual."
Professor Gildemoor laughed. "Ah, youth! Fear not! It's all in good fun. Couples will reenact the ancient tradition of courtship-through-pursuit! One lover hides, the other seeks! If caught, they must perform a Declaration of Passion!"
Rei blinked. "That sounds like a forced love confession."
"Exactly!" the professor beamed.
Someone in the back shouted, "What happens if we don't catch them?"
"You fail the class."
[System Notification: Academy Sanity = 12%.]
After class, Rei staggered into the hallway like a broken man.
"Maybe if I disguise myself as a lamppost… or a moderately sized shrub…"
"Did someone say shrub?" Lilia appeared beside him with terrifying suddenness, wielding a bouquet of roses shaped like his face. "Because I've already claimed your hunting route! I've mapped your scent pattern across the campus and set bear traps near the herbology lab!"
"That's a war crime," Rei choked.
"It's also romantic," she countered.
Seraphina fluttered down from a floating prayer circle. "I have requested divine GPS tracking."
Drakana pounded her fists together. "I will hunt you through flame and shadow. And when I catch you… we reignite our bond."
Astra held up a sketchbook.
Rei glanced at it.
It was a full architectural blueprint of the festival grounds, with "REI PATH" labeled in glowing ink.
"Is that a predicted trajectory algorithm?" he whispered.
"Patent pending," she whispered back.
Rosette materialized behind them like a ghost from a war film.
"I've already captured a decoy dummy of you," she said, sipping tea. "To mislead the others. Unfortunately, I may have accidentally booby-trapped the dummy."
Rei paled. "Booby-trapped how?"
"Well," Rosette began.
A distant explosion shook the northern wing.
"Like that," she said calmly.
[System Update: Dummy Rei has been eliminated.]
[New Dummy Required.]
[Crafting Materials: 3 strands of hair, 1 used sock, 7 liters of blood (optional).]
As the news of the "Hunt Your Beloved" theme spread, the Academy erupted into madness.
Posters went up with slogans like "Track Him Down, Tie Him Up, Win a Kiss!" and "Love Is War, So Arm Accordingly!"
One student brought a net cannon.
Another was spotted constructing a relationship-themed catapult.
By lunchtime, an underground betting ring had already formed with odds on who would catch Rei first.
Top contenders:
Lilia: 2 to 1. (Fanatical devotion. High bloodlust.)
Drakana: 3 to 1. (Flight advantage. Limited self-control.)
Rosette: 5 to 1. (May kill the target accidentally.)
Emilia: 99 to 1. (Too normal. Suspiciously normal.)
"Why is Emilia on this list?" Rei asked, blinking at the board.
The student behind the desk shrugged. "Everyone else is insane. She's a wildcard."
Emilia herself was sitting peacefully in the courtyard, smiling as she painted a cute sign that said "Welcome to the Cookie Tent!"
She looked up and waved. "Want to help me decorate, Rei?"
Rei smiled—then immediately ducked behind a hedge as Lilia flew past on a broomstick screaming, "DECLARATION OF PASSION!"
[System Warning: Incoming yandere velocity exceeds safe levels.]
The following afternoon, Rei tried to petition the Dean to cancel the theme.
He found the Dean hiding inside a locker, rocking back and forth.
"Please," the Dean whimpered, eyes wild. "They made me sign the declaration of event continuity. At knife-point. With pink glitter pens."
"You can't be serious—"
"They superglued the contract to my hands!"
Rei backed away slowly.
[System Notification: Hope = -2.]
Two days before the festival.
Rei walked into his dorm and found that every single item he owned had been tagged with a magical tracker.
His bed sheets glowed "LILIA PROPERTY."
His toothbrush was engraved "FOR ASTRA-APPROVED MOUTHS ONLY."
His underwear was missing entirely.
[System Alert: Underwear Status = "Mysteriously Gone."]
He sat down on the floor.
"Okay. Let's think."
He pulled out a chalkboard. Drew circles. Connected dots. Attempted a strategy.
A door opened.
Emilia walked in holding a thermos.
"Oh! Sorry! I thought this was the staff room—wait, Rei?"
He blinked at her.
She smiled warmly. "I brought tea. Do you want some?"
He looked at the tea. Then at her. Then at his chalkboard labeled "FESTIVAL SURVIVAL PLAN: PHASE 1 – DON'T DIE."
"Emilia," he said carefully. "Are you planning on hunting me?"
She tilted her head. "Why would I do that? Isn't this whole thing a bit... weird?"
Rei nearly sobbed.
[System Notification: Target Emilia has chosen "Do Not Participate."]
[System Status: Confused.]
[What do you mean "no"?!]
Emilia blinked. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know anymore."
She poured him a cup of tea.
It was just tea.
No glitter. No poison. No pheromones. Just... chamomile.
He tasted it. "Is this... sanity?"
She giggled. "It's herbal."
Later that night, Rei received a gift basket labeled "Good luck surviving the hunt, darling."
Inside were:
A blindfold.
Two handcuffs.
A dart gun with the note "for self-defense (or fun)."
A pre-signed marriage license.
He flipped the card over. "Love, Lilia."
He sighed.
And then screamed as the window shattered and Drakana dropped from the roof wearing war paint.
"It begins," she growled.
[System Notification: Event Start Imminent.]
[School Festival begins in 24 hours.]
[Warning: 93% of female students have armed themselves.]
[Note: Emilia is currently baking cookies.]
[Prediction: You will cry.]
To be continued…