The school festival was only three days away, and the academy courtyard had transformed into something between a whimsical carnival and a suspicious black-market bazaar. Colorful booths lined the paths, flags flapping in the wind, cheerful music in the air… and an overwhelming scent of overly sugared blood-colored cotton candy.
But for Rei, the air felt heavier than usual. Probably because five different Wife Faction recruitment booths were actively eyeing him like predator drones scanning a meat popsicle.
"Why do I feel like a war is about to break out… over me?" Rei muttered to himself as he passed a booth where the banner proudly read:
Lilia's Church of Eternal Devotion: Confess Your Love or Be Purified.
Inside the booth, Lilia stood in a nun's outfit that was somehow both elegant and terrifying. She was passing out crimson pamphlets labeled "101 Ways to Love Rei Without Being Arrested."
Across the courtyard, Drakana was putting up a banner with charred edges that read:
Join the Dragon Bride's Roaring Loyalty Pavilion! We Guarantee Passion, Protection, and Free Fire Insurance.
She roared theatrically at passersby. "Join me, and no one will ever dare look at Rei without first submitting a formal request and being set on fire!"
Rei swallowed. "I'm not ready for this level of enthusiasm…"
A group of students cautiously approached a booth made entirely of shadowy veils and silence. A small sign dangled in front:
Rosette's Affection Logistics Department (Also Known As ALD): We Know Where You Live.
Rosette stood behind the veil, wearing a prim maid uniform and a smile that could curdle holy water.
She handed a student a clipboard. "Please check whether you'd prefer a soft kidnapping or a hard one. All entries are confidential... unless you're a threat."
The poor student shakily ticked a box. Rei decided not to read which one.
Meanwhile, Seraphina's booth looked like a divine relic crashed into a fashion show. Light spilled from above like a halo spotlight, and the sign read:
Princess Seraphina's Sacred Spouse Registry – May the Holy Matrimony Be Blessed (And Non-Optional).
She greeted everyone with that blinding smile and sparkly eyes. "Come, join the waitlist to be Rei's holy backup bride! Only 72 scrolls left!"
Beside her stood a golden chalice labeled "Blood Oaths, Lightly Used – Limited Edition."
And finally…
"W-Welcome to Emilia's booth!" said the cheerful, "normal" girl with a smile so sweet it disarmed several enchanted traps within range. Her sign simply read:
Emilia's Friendship Circle – Cookies, Tea, and Mild Conversation. No Blood Oaths Required!
Her booth had a tea table, floral decorations, and a stack of muffins that looked shockingly... safe. No love runes. No hidden blades. No vials of "Tears of Eternal Attachment."
Just cookies.
Rei blinked. "Wait. She's trying to recruit friends?"
Emilia waved to him with innocent joy. "Hi, Rei! Want a vanilla shortbread?"
Before Rei could answer, five other heads popped out from various booths like hyperaggressive meerkats.
"HE'S NOT HUNGRY!" they chorused.
[System Alert: Yandere Faction Recruitment Campaigns Have Begun.]
[Festival Theme: "Hunt Your Beloved" – Reminder: This is not a metaphor.]
[Wife Faction Status Update: All booths equipped with customized loyalty contracts. Some include claws.]
[System Suggestion: Consider hiding in a tree, coffin, or other escape-based structure.]
"Okay, breathe," Rei muttered, retreating behind a decorative topiary shaped like a chibi version of himself. "They're just expressing affection. Aggressively. With flames. And paperwork."
Just then, a small girl approached Lilia's booth.
"Excuse me, Sister Lilia? I want to join your cult—I mean club!"
Lilia beamed and handed the girl a silver dagger. "Congratulations! You're now a Devotee of the Sacred Husband. Please prick your finger and write your name in crimson. It's ink. Probably."
"Umm…"
From the Dragon Pavilion, Drakana huffed. "Overcomplicating things as usual. We have punch cards. Ten loyalty acts and you get to touch Rei's sleeve. Fifteen and you unlock a free roar in his name!"
Rosette's booth now had a line.
"Every member receives a schedule of Rei's estimated routes and mood analysis reports," the maid said, completely deadpan. "Optional side-quests include intercepting rival suitors and reporting suspicious muffins."
Meanwhile, Seraphina's booth had turned into a full sermon. "And lo, the prophet Rei shall not be defiled by flirtations, foul baked goods, or heretics named Emilia! Join me, and ye shall ascend!"
An angel statue behind her began bleeding.
And still, somehow, Emilia had a small line.
Mostly… guys.
A nerdy-looking boy approached her table, nervously adjusting his glasses.
"I-I just wanted a cookie…"
"Here you go!" she chirped. "Want to chat about what kind of tea goes best with chocolate chips?"
He blinked. "Is… this legal?"
Rei, hiding in a hedge, buried his face in his hands. "It's spreading. The Normality Plague is spreading."
[System Alert: "Emilia Faction" forming. Danger level = UNKNOWN.]
[Note: This faction contains no bladed objects, magical oaths, or yandere declarations. Obviously suspicious.]
[System Warning: If Emilia reaches 50% campus approval rating, wives may enter 'Soft Genocide Protocol.' Please evacuate.]
As Rei tried to slink away, he was intercepted by Lilia.
"Rei, dearest, I humbly request your presence at our booth for exactly 9.7 seconds so we can anoint your forehead with holy kisses."
Drakana immediately stomped over. "No way! He's scheduled for a ten-second loyalty snuggle at my booth!"
Rosette appeared like a horror movie jump scare. "Correction: Rei is currently slotted for one minute of surveillance cuddle-time at the ALD. He will not be touched without signed clearance."
Seraphina smiled a smile that screamed rapture is coming. "Actually, his divine presence has been reserved for the grand ceremony where we bless our blade-engraved wedding contract."
All four turned toward Emilia.
She blinked. "Oh! I didn't reserve Rei or anything. But I made him a friendship bracelet! With colors that match his eyes!"
A tense silence fell.
The earth itself seemed to hold its breath.
Lilia narrowed her eyes. "That sounds suspiciously… tender."
Drakana sniffed. "And non-lethal."
Rosette pulled a chart from her sleeve. "Analysis indicates a 2.3% increase in positive sentiment from Rei to Emilia. This cannot stand."
Seraphina raised her hand. "Proposal: Strategic joint operation to erase the bracelet. By holy flame, shadow needle, or explosive cookie."
All nodded.
Rei backed away slowly, only to bump into a table.
A trap was sprung.
Lilia's booth had a Wheel of Devotion. Before he could blink, it spun and landed on "Kiss Forehead + Recite Sacred Vow."
"Oh no—"
The girls descended.
"Rei! Join my booth next!"
"No, mine!"
"Lick this ceremonial scale!"
"Just hold this knife, it's symbolic!"
"Take communion—THE REI WAY!"
[System Notification: You are now the central prize in five cult-level campaigns. Please enjoy your suffering.]
[New Quest: Survive Festival Week Without Being Married 5 Times Before Lunch.]
[Reward: Freedom. Just kidding. There is no escape.]
As the sun began to set, and booths glowed with magical lanterns, Rei stood at the center of it all—smeared in glitter, bite marks, ceremonial oils, and sparkles.
He'd been kissed, blessed, bound, proposed to, nearly sacrificed, and given a friendship cookie.
It tasted like vanilla.
And doom.
From afar, Emilia watched the chaos with a slightly tilted head.
"Huh… this school really is unique," she said softly.
Behind her, a new sign went up:
Emilia's Calm Circle – NOW Accepting Applications (Limit: 1 Rei).
[System Alert: New Sub-Faction Formed – Emilia's Circle of Reason.]
[Diplomatic Status: Hostile-Neutral.]
[Yandere Response Level: BURN IT ALL.]
To be continued…