"All hail Husband-sama, our one true salvation!"
It began like most disasters at Yandere Academy: with good intentions, poor boundaries, and a deranged amount of embroidery.
At precisely 7:00 a.m., Rei staggered into the main hall of the academy, his eyes bleary, his hair more chaos than style, and his school tie strangling him like a judgmental snake.
He hadn't slept.
Not because of homework.
But because sometime around 2 a.m., someone had whispered lullabies through the air vents in nine different languages. One was definitely infernal. Another sounded like Drakana's "I-miss-you" war chants.
And the third?
...Lilia humming the wedding march on loop while stitching his initials into her nightgown.
Needless to say, sanity was an endangered species.
[System Notification: Sanity Level – Critically Low]
Suggested Action: Flee school. Flee country. Flee planet.
[WARNING: Lilia proximity detected. Activating Emergency Coping Protocol.]
Rei opened the main doors and—
"Hail Husband-sama, our shining dawn!"
One hundred and ninety-three students turned toward him, hands clasped reverently over their hearts, dressed in flowing ceremonial robes—
Embroidered with his face.
His face.
Some even had hand-knitted Rei plushies tied to their belts like holy relics. One boy was sobbing into his.
Rei froze.
The room glowed from candlelight. A banner across the rafters read:
✨"REI IS ETERNAL – LILIA 3:16"✨
Another student, eyes glowing with feverish devotion, struck a gong and chanted:
"All hail our future husband, Rei-sama, who shall deliver us from singlehood!"
A priestess stepped forward from the crowd, arms raised, her silver veil trailing behind her like a bridal train.
It was Lilia.
Of course it was.
[System Alert: New Religion Detected – "Reism"]
[Founder: High Priestess Lilia Everrose]
[Core Tenets: 1) Rei is perfect. 2) No other girl is allowed. 3) Emilia is a heretic.]
New passive skill unlocked: [Spiritual Trauma Resistance +1]
"L-Lilia," Rei croaked, voice barely functioning. "What is this?"
Lilia beamed. Her lips curled with radiant purity. And deranged obsession.
"Oh darling," she said sweetly, clasping his hands, "you looked so lost lately. And nothing says spiritual clarity like organized mass devotion. So I converted the Morning Prayer Period into a daily service to worship your smile."
She paused, cupping his chin.
"Also, I may have rewritten the school handbook."
Rei blinked. "You rewrote the handbook."
"Only the unimportant parts. Like the parts about freedom of religion, equal representation, and the dean's authority."
"The dean's—"
"You mean the former dean. He cried. He fled. Last seen on a donkey cart heading for the mountains."
[System Note: Dean: Status – "Missing. Presumed alive, but spiritually crushed."]
A random first-year girl walked up shyly, clutching a small paper.
"U-um, High Priestess Lilia said we have to submit our Love Sermons by Thursday."
"Love what now?!"
"An essay. On why Rei-sama's hair smells like hope."
Rei turned. "HOW DO YOU EVEN—"
"We collected clippings," said a third-year monk-nun hybrid, holding a laminated envelope labeled 'Rei's Sacred Sheddings.'
He fainted.
INTERMISSION: SPIRITUAL EDUCATION ROOM, 8:15 A.M.
Rei was seated in what had formerly been Classroom 2-B.
Now it was a shrine.
The whiteboards had been replaced with stained glass windows depicting the Many Expressions of Rei: Sleepy Rei. Embarrassed Rei. Accidentally shirtless Rei.
Someone had gold-leafed his abs.
He wanted to scream. But the class bell rang.
A new teacher walked in—Sister Camilla, dressed in ceremonial silks, reading from a scroll.
"Today's scripture: The Gospel of Lilia, Chapter 7 – 'And Rei said unto them, Please Let Me Study In Peace, but they knew not peace, for they loved him too much.'"
The students nodded solemnly.
Behind her, Rosette raised her hand.
"Can we skip to the part where he trips and falls into someone's chest?"
Rei banged his head against the desk.
It did not help.
[System Passive Unlocked: "Public Worship Fatigue"]
Effect: Immune to compliments, allergic to praise, mildly violent toward choir harmonies.
Just then, Seraphina burst through the door.
"THIS IS IDOLATRY!" she yelled, holding up a flaming sword. "Only I may lead his spiritual journey!"
"Blasphemer!" Lilia roared, appearing out of nowhere.
"FRAUD!"
"HERETIC!"
"YOU PUT A MUSTACHE ON MY ALTAR!"
"IT WAS AN IMPROVEMENT!"
A holy fireball hit the podium.
A divine ice spear froze a student's notebook into a sacred popsicle.
Rei crouched beneath his desk and screamed internally.
Emilia, calm as ever, peeked in.
"...Is this a religion class?"
"Yes," Rei wheezed from under the desk, "it's called Sufferingology."
[System Emergency Notification]
[Academy Stability Level: 13%]
[Yandere Religious Faction Control: 62%]
[New Subfaction: Sisters of Everlasting Rei (13 members and growing)]
[Achievement Unlocked: "Unintentional Godhood"]
Reward: ✨[Cursed Halo of Adoration]✨
Effect: Attracts spontaneous confessions, chaos, and public foot washing.
LUNCH TIME
Rei sat at the cafeteria.
Correction: at the center of the cafeteria.
On a raised dais. With flower petals.
Students lined up to hand him bentos, handwritten prayers, and possibly live offerings (someone brought a rabbit).
He tried to escape through a napkin chute. Rosette was waiting inside.
"Going somewhere, Husband-sama?"
"Yes. To a life where people don't kneel when I sneeze."
"Too bad."
[System Reminder: You brought this on yourself.]
[Optional Side Mission: Embrace Your Godhood]
Reward: ???
Risk: Mental disintegration
Night
Rei lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, where someone had projected a slideshow of his own smile.
He groaned.
A knock.
Lilia entered, glowing in moonlight, wearing a priestess robe and a veil.
"Do you want to hear the new bedtime chant? I call it 'Rei is Love, Rei is Life, Rei is Mine.'"
"...No," he whispered.
But the chanting had already begun.
From under the floorboards.
The vents.
The walls.
"REI IS ETERNAL. REI IS ETERNAL."
[System Shutdown Requested]
[...Processing...]
[Error: You are not allowed to escape love.]
To be continued…