Daily Meme
-----
Through the glass, Yaoyorozu handed off a flyer with a polite smile to a woman near the counter, her lips moved, as she casually talked to them. Ojiro tapped a guy on the shoulder, subtly guiding him toward the door. Within a minute, most of the customers had already left, only a couple still browsing.
Inside, Gentle Criminal picked up a bag of tea, inspecting it like he actually gave a shit. La Brava adjusted her camera, whispering something under her breath. "The curtains are almost drawn, La Brava… but I do sense a few eyes peeking from backstage."
Todoroki shifted. "They are still filming."
"Yeah," I muttered. "And we will be part of their next show if we let them."
Shoji's voice came through the link. "Last two civilians leaving. Ready when you are."
I looked at Jiro. "You listen inside, relay my commands."
She nodded, plugging her jacks into the wall.
I turned to Hagakure. "Suit off. You are taking La Brava."
"Got it." Her gloves hit the ground.
The street buzzed like nothing was wrong. A few nosy civilians lingered, phones half-raised, clueless about how close they were to a real shitshow.
Yaoyorozu and Ojiro were guiding out the last customers, moving casually. The second they were clear, Todoroki raised a hand. Ice crawled up the walls, blocking exits.
Inside, Gentle turned the tea bag in his hand like it contained state secrets, muttering something about aroma and dignity, to La Brava. She giggled, adjusting the camera.
Jiro's voice reported in my mind. "He just said, 'A refined mind requires a refined brew.'"
"Toru, kill the feed first chance you get. We are not letting this turn into another internet circus."
I entered the store with Toru. She split off at the door, making a straight beeline for La Brava. I moved towards the main bogey. Just kept walking, past the racks of snacks and shelves of magazines, heading straight for the asshole in the top hat.
Gentle was reciting iambic pentameter at a tea bag like he was trying to get it pregnant. Whispering sweet nothings, promising it a cozy steep in hot water and a long, satisfying swirl… dude was one wink away from asking it if it liked being dipped slow or fast. He ran a gloved finger over the label.
La Brava adjusted her camera. "Oh, Gentle, that is perfect! Very distinguished!"
I checked the perimeter. The last civilians were out. The exits were blocked. He had nowhere to run.
"He doesn't seem to know we are here yet." Jiro reported, though I had a feeling he did.
Showtime.
I didn't give him time to react. I closed the distance, swinging low at his ribs. He turned at the last second, eyes widening. My fist connected… except it didn't.
Something warped. The air twisted around his coat like a stretched-out rubber band. The force of my punch rebounded, sending me skidding back.
"Oh?" Gentle raised a brow. "Now, that is rather rude."
I used Analyze on him. Should've done it sooner.
Target: Gentle Criminal
Quirk: Elasticity
Description: Can make anything he touches elastic, including air.
Strength: 55
Agility: 47
Intelligence: 65
Charisma: 50
Luck: 50
Elasticity? Man had a vibe of erectile dysfunction wrapped in a Shakespeare monologue but a decent quirk.
I cursed. He was actually competent. That wasn't great. Though he took down pro heroes before, so not a big surprise.
I went in again, this time lower, aiming to sweep his legs. The floor bounced like a trampoline, my foot sinking into it before launching me back. I flipped midair, landing hard.
Gentle sighed. "Ah, I see you are quite persistent. However…"
"Tell me, motherfucker, do you bounce like that in stranger schlongs too, or is this just a performance thing?"
Hagakure moved in on La Brava. The girl barely had time to react before the camera was slapped out of her hands.
"Gentle!" she yelped, scrambling for it.
"Tut-tut," Gentle wagged a finger. "Hurting others' equipment is rather unbecoming."
"Jesus Christ, do you narrate your own strokes too? 'Oh, La Brava, I feel the rising tension in my loins as I prepare to unleash a most gentlemanly load upon this silk napkin-' JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP."
I threw a feint, watching how he reacted. He tilted slightly, coat shifting just enough to catch the air. I lunged, aiming for the opening…
Elastic again. The air itself bent around him. He wasn't dodging… he was bouncing.
Great. He was literally rubberbanding space around himself. Made the whole room feel like a bounce house from hell. What an annoying Quirk.
I adjusted mid-step, twisting to grab him mid-air. He used the momentum, flipping over me like a goddamn circus act.
"Quite aggressive," he mused. "Though I must commend the enthusiasm."
I landed, pivoting fast. "You talk too much. I usually do that. Stop stealing my show, man."
He touched the air again. The whole store wobbled. Shelves creaked, the ceiling dipped like it was breathing.
Outside, Kaminari muttered, idiot forgot to cut of the feed, "Yo, that is creepy as hell."
Gentle adjusted his sleeves. "Now then, young man, I do abhor interruptions-but if you must persist, at least permit me a soliloquy before the bruises begin."
Bakugo blasted through the door. The entire frame shook.
"THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!"
"Finally, the anger chihuahua is here. Hey Gentle, if you are lucky, maybe he will blast the powdered wig off your prostate."
Gentle barely blinked before stepping back, pressing a hand to the counter. The wood bent like rubber, Bakugo's explosion sent back toward him.
Todoroki iced the ground beneath him, killing the momentum before he could eat wall. Gentle saw the ice forming at the door and knew there would be no encore tonight.
"Bouncing bastard," Bakugo spat.
I was already moving again.
Hagakure had La Brava pinned, but the girl was still struggling for her camera.
Gentle adjusted his cuffs. "Alas, I did not come here to fight."
I lunged again-
Elastic air. My fist veered off-course, like gravity had shifted.
I was getting real sick of this Quirk.
Gentle grabbed La Brava, stepping back toward the counter.
Iida shot forward, engines flaring. The second he got close… the floor bent, sending him straight up into the ceiling.
Crash.
I clicked my tongue. "Fucking annoying."
Gentle dusted off his sleeve. "I prefer the term 'sophisticated.'"
"Yeah, well, I prefer 'shut the hell up.'"
His eyes twinkled. "Alas, not my strong suit."
"You say 'sophisticated,' I say 'walking rejection letter from the circus.' I know a guy if you are interested, oh wait, you will bend over in prison. At least you will be loved."
Bakugo fired again, but Gentle bent just slightly, the air around him catching the blast before it even reached him.
He sighed. "A true artist knows when to make his exit."
"La Brava!"
I vanished with a quickstep, appearing behind Gentle in an instant.
"Yeah, not happening."
He barely had time to turn before my foot slammed into his back. The elasticity in his coat took most of the impact, but it still sent him staggering forward, knocking over a shelf, distancing him from La Brava again. Bags of chips rained down. "MY CHIPS!" The cashier cried.
La Brava fell under Toru's grip again, trying free her wrists. "Let me go, you invisible menace-"
"Nope." Toru yanked her back.
Gentle's eyes flicked toward her.
I moved.
"Don't even think about it."
I was already closing the distance. He had nowhere to run. The ice locked his exits. The air warped, but I shifted my weight just enough to slip through.
He raised his arm to deflect… too late.
I grabbed his coat, fingers curling into the fabric. He tried to bend away, but it didn't matter. I lifted, twisted, and drove him straight into the floor.
The entire store jolted.
The elasticity in the ground absorbed some of the impact, but not enough.
He gasped, the wind knocked out of him.
"That sound you just heard? That is the last ounce of relevance leaving your body. Tell La Brava to upload that… title it, Gentle Gets Raw-Dogged by Reality."
Gentle groaned. "I must say-"
I grabbed his collar and slammed him down again. "Shut. Up."
He wheezed.
Bakugo stomped over, glaring down at him. "Dumbass could've just left. Now look at you."
The sirens were already closing in. The cops were late, as usual.
Bakugo scoffed. "Should've blown his face off."
"Yeah, yeah." I waved a hand.
The second I stepped back, Shoji moved in, securing Gentle's arms. Toru yanked La Brava toward the door.
The sound of approaching sirens filled the air. Flashing lights cut through the streets as patrol cars screeched to a stop, officers spilling out and moving to secure the area.
The cops rushed in, barking orders as they surrounded the store. A few of them grabbed Gentle and La Brava, hauling them up while securing their wrists with reinforced cuffs. Gentle didn't resist, just dusted off his coat the best he could before giving the nearest officer a polite nod.
"I must say, your timing is impeccable."
The cop ignored him.
La Brava wasn't taking it as well. "Gentle!" She tried to squirm out of their grip, eyes darting to her camera still lying on the floor. "Wait, I need that!"
One of the cops picked it up, eyeing it before tossing it into an evidence bag.
"Careful with that, you brute! Do you even know what you are holding?!"
"Evidence," the cop deadpanned.
She looked ready to cry. "Gentle," she whispered as they loaded her into a different car.
He didn't look back.
Just tipped his hat. Real classy. For a dude about to spend the next ten years drinking prison coffee.
"Tip your hat again, and I swear I will curb-stomp you so hard your skull will bounce into next week like a rejected Looney Tune character."
Footsteps approached from the other side of the barricade. Naomasa Tsukauchi stepped forward, adjusting his sleeves as he scanned the scene. His eyes flicked over Gentle and La Brava, "Get them in the car. Make sure they don't pull anything."
Gentle smiled, hands still cuffed. "I assure you, my dear officer, I have no such intentions."
Tsukauchi ignored him. "Bag everything. I want their equipment checked before it even gets close to evidence storage."
One of the cops held up the bag with the camera. "What do you want to do with this?"
"Run a full sweep," Tsukauchi said. "Make sure there is nothing broadcasting."
La Brava struggled against the cuffs, stretching her head out of the window. "You can't just take that! That is private property!"
Tsukauchi barely glanced at her. "And now it is evidence."
Gentle let out a sigh. "La Brava, it appears we must accept our current predicament with dignity."
She hissed at the nearest cop like a cornered cat. "You don't get it! You are ruining everything!"
"Justice is often unpleasant, my dear."
Sero leaned over to Kaminari. "Did he just call getting arrested 'unpleasant'?"
Kaminari snorted. "Dude is acting like this is a minor inconvenience."
Bakugo crossed his arms. "Shoulda just let me blast him."
Tsukauchi turned back to us, rubbing his temple. "Alright, walk me through it. And keep it short."
I shrugged. "We were out for errands. Spotted him. Called it in. Secured civilians first, then engaged when there was an opportunity. You guys showed up late, as usual and now here to take the credit."
Tsukauchi ignored the jab. "You identified him before the report came in?"
"Yeah," I said. "Pinky and Invisible Gir caught sight first. We moved in, blocked exits, took him down. He bounced a lot, but that is about it."
Gentle smiled, dusting off his sleeve despite the cuffs. "I had every intention of making a graceful exit, but alas, it seems our young heroes were quite insistent."
"Yeah, no shit," Bakugo muttered.
Tsukauchi's attention turned to La Brava. "And what is your deal? How old are you? Does your family know you are here?"
She glared. "What is it to you, pig?"
Bakugo snorted. "You are in cuffs and talking shit?"
La Brava struggled against the grip of the officer holding her. "You don't understand our vision! Gentle is-"
"Vision? Bitch, your vision is a pedo-barista in a magician cosplay, getting off to montages of minor felonies. You need therapy, not a fucking camera crew."
"Take them," Tsukauchi said. "We don't need their manifesto."
"Quirk was a pain in the ass," I said. "But he isn't really the type to go all out."
Tsukauchi gave me a look. "And you know that how?"
"He didn't actually hurt anyone," I said. "Just bounced around like an asshole."
"More annoying than dangerous," Sero added.
Tsukauchi rubbed his temple. "So no real injuries?"
"Nope," I said. "Just a bruised ego."
The cops moved, guiding Gentle toward the patrol cars. La Brava still looked pissed. Gentle, though, just kept that weird, polite demeanor, even as he stepped into the car.
"Till we meet again," he said, dipping his head.
I flicked him off. "Hope not, you will rot in prison and I have no intention to be there, ever."
The door closed.
Tsukauchi turned back to me. "Anything else?"
I shook my head. "That is about it."
Tsukauchi bowed his head slightly. "Thank you, heroes. Good job."
I waved a hand. "Iida, enjoy your paperwork kink. Rest of you, we are grabbing food. I am not ending today on tea and tantrums."
Iida practically vibrated with excitement, fists clenched like he had just won a prize. "Understood!"
Kaminari side-eyed him. "Bro, how are you this excited over paperwork?"
"Because," Iida adjusted his glasses, "proper documentation is an essential component of hero work!"
Bakugo scoffed. "Dumbass."
--
Dorothy: "I miss home…"
Scarecrow: "I miss a brain…"
Tin Man: "I miss a heart…"
Ryuu: "I miss THE FUCKING VOTE YOU OWE ME."
You are off to see the Lurker.
The Wonderful Lurker of Meh.
But there is no rainbow road for you.
Only shame and 3-paragraph comment sections you never contributed to.
-----
To Read up to 50 advance Chapters (25 for each novel) and support me...
patreon.com/thefanficgod1
Please drop a comment and like the chapter!