From the way Caleigh had addressed Nathan, Dawn had sensed that perhaps it would be better to read those letters by herself, since, apparently, they would explain his strange hatred towards Nathan's ancestor.
Even though the sun had already set, it wasn't very cold and Dawn decided to go to the roof. There she could read them calmly and undisturbed. She sat down on the floor and took the papers out of the envelope. Now that she looked at them more carefully, Dawn realized that they were brief, scattered thoughts. They weren't real diary entries, there were no dates. Unlike the ones in the display case, it was clear Erleen had struggled to write them. The tract was uncertain and at times seemed forced. She must have written them before the diary that Dawn knew, during her first days on Earth, when she was not yet familiar with writing and language.
Accompanied by a light breeze, Dawn began to read those pages.
"I hate you
After all we've faced and lost, how could you abandon us? Abandon me!
Did I really matter that little?"
"I lost my sister
I lost the life I carried inside me
Now I've lost you.
Why?
You were all I had left."
"You're not who I thought you were.
You never cared about me.
Otherwise how would you have left it all behind?
Just like that… in an instant."
"Did I really mean so little to you Hyram?
Where has all the love you professed for me gone?
The life you showed me, that you promised me?
The three of us.
Together."
"I am so tired
I'm trying not to think about you
But I can't, I can't
I don't want to
I want you back next to me
I can only be happy if I'm with you."
"Are you angry with me?
Is it because I didn't know how to protect the little life inside me?"
The following pages, she must have written much later. Her handwriting was much clearer and firmer, and her thoughts much more complex, with a richer vocabulary.
"After a long time, I feel the need to write again and, above all, to move forward. I had decided that it wasn't worth living, I had convinced myself every day, without you, had no meaning for me and I had even come to blame myself for having survived, while my sister hadn't.
Yet thanks to him, now, strangely, I no longer feel that way.
He picked me up like I was a wounded animal. He cared for me lovingly until he helped me out of the darkness you let me sink into.
Of all the humans I've met, he is the kindest, the sweetest.
I'm still afraid to trust these people, especially after you abandoned me, but if I don't open up to the world I risk being stuck in the past.
I don't want to continue to be a burden to Caleigh and the others. I have to let them build their lives, without me getting in the way."
"I decided to write a diary, to tell and report our story, our life here on this new planet. To guide the future generation of Nerys. They will need it if anything happens to us. They must know their wonderful gifts and learn to control them, and use them in the right way.
I will send the pages to others too, so whatever happens, my work doesn't get lost.
If I only knew where you were, I would send them to you too.
If only I could know you were okay...
As much as I can't forgive you, I hope Phyliss didn't find you.
I want you to be safe.
I want to see you again one day.
Maybe then you will tell me the reason you decided to leave."
Dawn put those papers back in the envelope. She remained on the roof staring at the horizon. She knew well what her ancestor must have felt, she too had been abandoned after all.
She now knew why Caleigh was so hostile towards Nathan. Hyram had run away, when Erleen needed him most. But it wasn't right to blame Nathan. He had not asked to descend from such a person. «We're not our ancestors.» Dawn whispered, repeating what she had stated in front of Caleigh.
«Dawn.» Chad opened the door to the roof.
She turned around in surprise. «Chad? What are you doing here?»
The young man came over and sat on the ground next to her. «I saw you go up a little while ago, but it was taking you too long. So I decided to join you.» he replied crossing his legs. «What is that?» he asked, indicating, with a nod of his head, the envelope Dawn held in her hands.
«These… are pages written by Erleen.» she replied.
«And what do they say?»
Dawn seemed to hesitate. She was thoughtful. «Apparently, in addition to our skills, it seems that my ancestor and I have something else in common.», she looked at Chad out of the corner of her eye, unsure whether or not to tell him about what she had read.
«What?»
Dawn took a deep breath and then looked away. «We were abandoned, by someone dear to us.»
Chad looked down, he knew she meant. «I'm sorry. I know I hurt you when I left.»
«But you had to, I know. You had no choice, you had to leave with your mother.» Dawn said without looking at him. «But I would have preferred you to say goodbye in person, not find that miserable letter.»
Chad nodded. «You're right. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to you. It wasn't easy for me either.» he said, then tried to change the subject. «What else does she write?»
«It seems our tastes in men were similar too.»
«Was she in love with Nathan's ancestor?» Chad asked surprised.
Dawn nodded. «Yeah. What a crazy coincidence.»
«I thought you were going to call it fate.» Chad said with a smile, but Dawn didn't seem so thrilled. «Something wrong? Or no, don't tell me, could you be related?»
«No.» Dawn shook her head. «It's practically impossible, since Hyram himself abandoned her when they arrived on Earth.»
«Oh I see. And why did he do it?»
Dawn shrugged. «I don't know, Erleen didn't know either.»
«What worries you then? Are you afraid that Nathan might do the same?»
«No, it's not that. It's just that...reading her words, I feel so sad. It couldn't have been easy at all, after everything she lost.»
Chad pulled her into a hug. «It looked like you needed it.» he whispered.
«Thank you.», she pushed him away. «Now it's better to go. It got dark.»
«Yeah.», Chad got up from the ground and helped Dawn do the same. He then accompanied her directly to her room. Her stomach had closed after discovering the sad story of her ancestor. She just wanted to throw herself on her bed and sleep.
When they entered the corridor – where the Council members' dormitory was located – they glimpsed Nathan sitting at the foot of Dawn's door. Chad stopped. «I'm going to my room.» he told her and let her proceed without him, after curving his lips into a slight smile.
Dawn greeted him and Nathan finally noticed her. He got up from the floor and waited for her to come closer. «Hey.» he told her before asking her if she was okay, when she was practically at the door.
«It's fine, I just wanted to read those pages alone.» Dawn replied.
Nathan wanted to know what was written on them but he didn't feel like asking questions about it. He didn't want to upset her. The look she had on her face when Caleigh had named her after the dead Glawog, and when he had reminded her she was the last one left, was still fresh in his memory, so he simply asked her if she had at least eaten something.
Dawn shook her head. «I'm not very hungry, I just want to go to sleep.» she replied, trying to reassure him with her look.
Nathan couldn't help himself anymore. He pulled her towards him for a hug. He had to, with all his strength, control his emotions so as not to unleash his powers. «I don't know what they say, what you read, but it doesn't matter. Maybe my ancestor did something to Caleigh, or Erleen, but I'm not him.» he said all in one breath.
«I know.», Dawn hugged him back. «I just have to process the story of the explosion, like everyone else. What they had to go through is hard to swallow.»
«Yeah.», he held her tighter. «When we are on Nerissa, things will be different, you'll see»
«I just hope the disaster doesn't happen again. That the Nerys, and the Hebs, can live without fighting.», Dawn pushed him away slightly so she could look at him. «Now go and rest, you need it too. I'm really fine, don't worry.», ghe gave him a smile to reassure him.
«Alright. See you tomorrow.», Nathan kissed her forehead.
Dawn smiled at him again. «Good night.»
«Good night.» he said and then headed towards his room, while Dawn watched him walk.