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Chapter 7 - I can't escape my past

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Zion sat rigidly in the car, his body tense, the muscles in his back and shoulders knotted with stress. He perched his knees against his chest, a subconscious attempt to protect himself, a stark departure from his usual relaxed sprawl. The rain continued pelting against the windshield, each drop a distinct, percussive sound that echoed the weight pressing down on his chest. The relentless drumming contrasted sharply with the silence he craved. Cold drops created rivulets racing down the glass, their paths intertwining—a fluid movement that felt worlds apart from the stillness he felt within.

He glanced at the gun resting on the dashboard, the metal cold and unyielding beneath the red glow of the lights. The hardness was a stark contrast to the burning anxiety coursing through him. With shaky hands, he reached for it, his fingers brushing the cool metal, sending a shiver down his spine. The familiar grip felt heavy and comforting, a contrast to the emptiness inside. He flicked the safety on; the sharp click echoed in the confined space, a habitual gesture of caution. He placed it back in the holster with a soft thud, a final punctuation mark to his internal struggle. Exhaling heavily, he released some of the tension that had been building.

Thoughts spiraled through his mind, a chaotic jumble of images and emotions, the disorder contrasting sharply with the clear, logical thinking he usually employed. He saw the faces of victims he wished he could have saved, their features etched in his memory like scars—an indelible reminder of the innocence lost and lives shattered by the darkness he fought against. The image of his old partner, Mark, flashed into his mind, a vivid memory of when the job felt like a calling rather than a curse. He remembered laughing over steaming cups of coffee, the bitter aroma mingling with their shared jokes, and late-night strategy sessions filled with hushed tones and focused expressions.

Now, that camaraderie felt distant, overshadowed by guilt and despair. He wondered if Mark was truly dead, that nagging doubt refusing to be silenced. How could Mark have died in such a rookie way? That thought tormented him. Anyone could die at any time, even during mundane tasks, and yet he had believed Mark would be safe. The constant analysis of what went wrong was exhausting, a stark contrast to the acceptance he sought.

Thunder rumbled, a deep growl echoing his inner chaos. Tears slipped down his cheeks, hot and stinging against his skin, a stark contrast to the dryness he craved. He sniffled, the choked sound betraying the emotions he tried to suppress. The weight of isolation crashed down on him, making it hard to breathe—the loneliness crushing against the connection he desired.

He turned to Charlotte, who stood outside in the rain, her figure a silhouette against the stormy night. Concern and caution mingled on her face, an empathy he hadn't expected. Her outstretched hand, clad in a black uniform, gleamed in the dim light, the formality contrasting sharply with the casual attire he was used to seeing.

With clammy hands, he opened the car door, the metallic click echoing in the quiet night. Stepping out into the downpour, the cold rain soaked through his clothes, a stark contrast to the dryness he had sought within the car. He raised his palms, a silent gesture of peace, the movement contrasting sharply with his earlier aggressive stance. "I—" he began, his voice cracking with emotion, a far cry from the strong tone he usually projected. "I'm sorry for how I've been lately," he admitted, the words a difficult admission of his struggles.

Taking a shaky breath, the cool air filled his lungs, a stark contrast to the tightness in his chest. His phone buzzed in his pocket, a reminder of the world outside his isolation. The thought of speaking to anyone felt overwhelming, a sharp contrast to his usual ease in communication. "I haven't been… myself," he whispered, the confession barely audible.

Charlotte's eyes widened slightly, her posture softening as she took in his vulnerability. "Zion, I know it's been tough," she said gently, her steady voice a calming influence amid the chaos of the storm. She hugged him around his shoulders, the warmth of her body contrasting with the chill of the rain.

"Let's talk about what's been going on," she said, her voice calm and reassuring. "I think I might have something that could help you find some closure."

He looked into her eyes, searching for sincerity and understanding. The rain dripped from his brow, mingling with the tears he couldn't hold back. "I've been stuck in my head… it's like I can't escape the past," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "I keep thinking about all the lives I couldn't save. Even the ones I did… it didn't make it any better."

He sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, the gesture raw and vulnerable. The rain blurred his vision, distorting the world into a watery landscape that mirrored his turmoil. The sorrow he felt was so profound that even simple movements felt difficult, a paralysis contrasting sharply with the energy he usually possessed.

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