He leapt into the lake with full confidence, chest out like a warrior charging into battle, paws cutting through the air like spears—
and immediately regretted every life choice that brought him here.
He tried doing the front crawl, swinging his stubby arms like he still had human limbs.
He forgot.
He was now a damn honey badger.
And honey badgers? They weren't built for freestyle swimming.
The moment his body hit the water, coldness slapped him like a belt from an angry granny. A chilling rush of reality. He began to sink like a stone with bad karma.
Water flooded his nose. Stung his eyes. Sloshed in his ears.
"Wait—wait! Do honey badgers even swim?!" his mind screamed.
But there was no time to think.
His legs flailed. His paws sliced wild at the water, trying to mimic a human breaststroke—but all he did was spin in frantic circles like a panicked, furry blender.
Bloop!
Down he went.
A blur of bubbles followed him, his limbs flailing like a toddler tossed into the deep end of a pool for the first time.
"Help! Mi cyah swim to rass!" he tried to yell.
But the only sound that escaped was a miserable symphony of hissing, gargling, and bubbling snorts—pure panic drowning in liquid regret.
For a breathless moment, he caught a distorted glimpse of himself in the lake's rippling surface—
Beady, frantic eyes.
Soaked, pitiful fur.
Tiny limbs twitching.
Not a warrior. Not a king.
A drowned rat? No.
A pissed-off, near-drowning honey badger with attitude.
He kicked.
Hard.
Claws stretched, paw pads gripping desperately.
One claw snagged a submerged root.
Then another.
With all the rage of a man denied fried chicken in the afterlife, he yanked himself up with a guttural grunt.
FWOOSH!
He burst from the lake like a furry torpedo, flailing mid-air before SPLATTING belly-first onto the muddy bank with a wet slap that echoed in the night.
He lay there.
Flat. Wheezing. Spitting up lake water and curses.
"...Mi just get reincarnated, an' mi almost dead again? Is what kinda madness dis?" he coughed, dragging in shaky breaths like a fish out of water.
He flipped onto his back, legs spread wide, chest heaving like a cracked drum.
The moon glared down, cold and silver, like it was judging him. Judging every bad decision that led to this moment.
"Yow God… no, Satan—count yuh bloodclaat days, inuh! Look weh yuh turn mi into, man. Mi look like a wet rat!" he growled with fury.
Snap.
A twig.
His ears twitched sharply.
Soaked fur lifted, bristling from instinct.
Still gasping, he held his breath.
Another sound.
A low growl.
And it wasn't coming from him.
Something out there… was hungry.
And he was the only breathing meat on the menu.
He didn't blink.
Didn't twitch.
Didn't even let his nose wiggle.
Then slowly, as if the air itself held its breath, he turned his head—
and froze.
Slitted amber eyes.
Sharp snout. Coiled tension. A bushy tail flicking with anticipation.
A fox.
But not a normal one. Nah.
This one looked like hunger had sculpted it—every rib visible beneath a tight, reddish coat that shimmered under the moonlight like fresh blood on fur.
A long, lean body—almost 30 inches of pure predator energy. Muscle and malice wrapped in silence.
And those eyes?
Locked on him like he was already half-chewed meat.
"Mi cyah believe dis… after all mi been through, a oversized dog-fox want mek mi it last meal?"
The honey badger tried to puff his chest, to stand with some kinda dignity.
But soaked fur weighed him down. His legs wobbled. The best he could manage was a shaky half-rise and a tired hiss.
The fox crept forward.
Step by step.
Graceful. Quiet. Precise.
"Easy now, mi bredrin," he said, inching back, paws slipping on mud. "Mi just arrive. Mi nuh even settle yet. Mi never even eat mi first chicken yet!"
The fox's head tilted slightly.
It blinked once.
Then took another step.
"Wait, wait… maybe we can reason, yuh see me? Like, hear mi out—maybe yuh try a fruit-based diet? I hear mango good fi digestion!"
The fox crouched.
Muscles tightening like pulled rope.
Then—LUNGE!
"YAAAH! Satan, stop send yuh minions after mi!"
He twisted hard.
Reached for his back like muscle memory expected a weapon—
But there was nothing. No rifle. No blade. Just bare fur and panic.
He dodged left.
Teeth snapped beside his head, grazing fur.
He scrambled, paws clawing mud, heart thumping like war drums.
"Bloodclaat! Satan, yuh couldn't even give mi mi gun?!"
Branches smacked his face.
Mud sprayed in his eyes.
He sprinted like the devil himself was behind him—and maybe he was.
The fox?
Right there. Too fast. Too smooth.
"Mi nuh sign up fi dis cardio!"
He zig-zagged between roots, dove under a fallen log, slipped around a mossy stone.
He heard the fox's breathing now—quiet, focused, terrifying.
It was flanking him.
He felt it.
Then—up ahead—a steep hill.
"Mi sorry fi every sin mi ever commit! Please! Just nuh kill mi!"
He dove.
Straight down the slope.
Tumbling, bouncing like cursed luggage on a broken staircase.
BOOM! BAM! WHACK!
Then—
SPLAT!
Face-first into something soft and warm and—
squishy.
He groaned.
Cracked one eye open.
Shit.
Massive, steaming dung. Pungent. Sticky.
"Mi haffi be cursed. No sah… is what kinda Animal Planet nightmare dis?"
Then—
CHOMP.
A bite—sharp, fiery pain shooting through his tail like a bolt of lightning.
"BLOODCLAAT! Mi tail?! PUSSYOLE! MI A GUH BITE YUH BACK!"
He twisted savagely.
WHAP! His claws dug trenches in the dirt as he spun.
The fox had locked onto his tail like a possessed beast—growling, eyes glowing red with bloodlust.
"YUH BITE MI TAIL?! YUH MAD?! AWH RIGHT— YUH DEAD!"
CHOMP! He sank his teeth into her tail base.
SQUELCH!
Hot blood splashed across his muzzle.
The fox screamed—a shrill, sharp cry.
"Eh? Wait… is a gyal fox?"
Too late.
His jaws were already clamped down.
"Too late fi mercy now, mi girl. War done start."
WHUMP! WHAM! THUD!
She thrashed. Slammed him into logs, the earth, trees.
But he held on like a damn demon tick.
He flipped forward—grabbed her ribs.
SCRAAAAATCH!
Blood sprayed.
She slashed across his face.
SHHKKT!!
Three deep cuts ripped him open.
"YUH CUT MI FACE?! YUH MAD?! NOW YUH WAKE UP DI REAL BADNESS!"
He tackled her.
BOOM!
They crashed like two storms colliding.
Rolling. Biting. Screaming.
Claws. Teeth. Blood. Mud. Shit.All mixed.
He bit her throat—CHOMP!
Not enough to kill.
She kicked his gut—OOUF!
He gasped.
She flipped on top—bit down on his foreleg—CRUNCH!
He screamed.
Hind legs shot out—SLASH! SLASH!
She cried out.
He headbutted her—CRACK!
She stumbled.
He pounced—WHUDD!
Shoulder into her ribs.
She hit a tree—THOK!
Collapsed.
Both of them, bloodied beyond belief.
Breathing like monsters.
Eyes wild.
Mouths foaming.
Fur gone in chunks.
Mud and blood caked on skin.
She dragged herself away, leg trailing.
He limped after her, one side slashed, face leaking red.
"Yuh done yet?! Yuh done now?!"
She bared fangs weakly.
But didn't move.
He raised a paw.
Claws trembling.
Paused.
Looked in her eyes—tired, broken.
He spat blood beside her.
"Mi coulda end yuh right now. But mi nah kill nuh gyal. Even if yuh try kill me first."
He backed off, chest heaving.
Found leaves. Bitter bark. A thick vine.
Chewed. Puked out bloody, pulpy mush.
Pressed it into her wounds—SQUISH.
She whimpered.
"Yeah, yuh feel dat? Mean yuh still alive."
Wrapped her leg tight.
Used bark to brace it.
Then dropped beside her.
Both bleeding.
Both shaking.
Both silent.
"Mi save yuh life, fox gyal. Yuh owe mi. Big time."
The jungle whispered.
And slowly…
The two bloody beasts passed out in the mud, side by side.