Subaru woke up with a patch.
A patch over his pants. That familiar scent. He already forgot what he was dreaming about but it felt nice.
A little groggy and still sleepy.
Barely midnight? He yawned and somehow got out of bed, slowly reaching for the door, hoping not to bump into something and screw his toes. There had to be something still left in the kitchen, right?
On his way, he ran into no one. Most of the mansion was probably asleep anyway; a little dark but manageable. Or at least that's what he thought but there was someone in the kitchen.
"You should really wash yourself before running around in that," Ram said. "Filthy."
"Sorry," Subaru said. "I was too hungry to change."
"I bet you'd go straight to bed, in that."
Subaru awkwardly laughed. "Yeah." But Ram was right.
Ram was cleaning, so Subaru slowly snuck to the other side and grabbed some cold soup and a breadstick. Better than starving.
"Earlier," Ram started. "Did Lord Roswaal do something to you?"
"Wh-what do you mean? Why would he-" Ram was close. Too close. Close enough to sniff him.
"Did he-"
"He did nothing."
Ram stepped back. "I hope I can trust your words."
Subaru debated whether to take the food back or just eat it there. In the end, he sat down in the corner and started sipping and chewing.
"He wanted to fuck me," Subaru eventually said.
"And you said no?"
"Yes. I'm not into men. I'm only looking to-" Subaru shut up and didn't finish.
"It's obvious," Ram said. "Still, you can get really close to Lord Roswaal that way. He hardly shows that kind of attention to others."
And she was right. While Roswaal did throw around a lot of theatrics and even pretended to care about women, he in fact did not do anything to them, or so Ram had said.
"I'm not interested. I'd rather… anyway, why are you interested?"
"I wanted… I wanted your place. I wanted to be his favorite. I wanted!" She stopped. "Would he… would he still take me, if I were to offer him my ass? Men have sex in the ass, right? We both have asses, right? He might not like my vagina but my ass-" She'd grabbed her ass and showed it to Subaru, frantic.
"Ram…" Subaru mumbled but didn't finish.
His stomach was empty. It was occasionally roaring for some food. Yet he couldn't chew. He couldn't swallow.
He couldn't ate.
But he forced himself to.
To distract himself. To not think about any of these. About these horrible things.
These feelings. These dilemmas. These… thoughts.
In the end, Subaru finished it, and for once, patted Ram's head, waiting for her to bat his hand away.
But she didn't.
She just silently sniffled. "I'm sorry," Subaru said.
"Please take your dirty hands off me," Ram said yet made no effort of doing so. She just stood there, silently crying.
"Sorry," Subaru said again, leaving.
Once he was back in his room, he considered taking off the pants. It didn't smell too bad and wasn't totally wet but… but it was best to change into something better, right?
But he didn't.
His dick had arisen once more. Stroking, he thought about Emilia. But it wasn't working. So he thought about Reinhard… about the time they were together… about the time Roswaal almost forced himself- "UMGH!" He came, blushing in that primordial heat of desire and lust.
Fuck…
Sighing, he closed his eyes, hoping sleep would cure him of all his guilty pleasures.
The next day, Subaru planned on keeping himself locked up.
However, his body had other plans. His queasy hurt and penis roared… not for a release. But rather, they wanted to meet someone; they wanted to feel that same touch… it just wasn't same without that touch. Subaru knew… he had to go out.
To that bar.
To that man.
So-
Despite his best efforts… he went out. I have to end this!
But then came the question, was he actually going to? Could he even?