Darkmoon Adventure—the world-changing, massive multiplayer online role-playing game—was the majority of my existence.
I was eight then, and I was hooked when I saw my cousin playing it. Fast forward til today; there I was, a 23-year-old who had an undergrad in mathematics, rotting in her apartment, paid for by the thigh pictures she sold online.
Faceless and clothed, of course, I still am someone with morals and dignity. You'd be surprised how much people pay for thighs, especially dressed in recognizable famous characters' skirts.
I used to make quite a bit of cash grinding Darkmoon Adventure accounts, but since the game dropped in popularity, that hustle was swindled.
But today, it all changed.
"Mhm…"
I got up from my bed half-naked and found my way to the bathroom, careful not to step on any trash bags.
It was colder this morning, so I only let water down my hair and rubbed it with shampoo without letting water go down my neck and legs. Showering was too tiring; the wet world was a false prophecy.
I flicked on the bathroom light in my apartment, not the living room lights. Those are too bright to my liking; the bathroom ones were enough to illuminate the place.
A pod was sent to me six months ago, sponsored by the developing company for the top 50 all-time players during early access.
Within that early access period, I had accumulated at least a hundred potential exploits and oversights of the virtual reality version.
Anyway, today was it, the launch day was upon us!
The official version of Darkmoon Adventure VR was finally here.
I brushed the water out of my hair, threw on a sports bra and athletic shorts, and climbed into the chamber.
As the hatch sealed and the artificial neuro-gel cooled around my neck, I let out a sigh of relief. This is where I belong.
Not in the real world, where taxes exist and landlords send emails.
Here, I can touch elf ears, exploit frame damage canceling, and stack speed buffs until the game engine fails to compute, or abuse the rubberbanding anti-speedhack system without actually hacking myself.
With a familiar hum, the system flickered to life.
Welcome to [Darkmoon Adventure]
Loading public server interface…
Please enter your username.
Standing in an empty blue and white void, I looked down at my body, clothed as in real life, like I expected, and held my breath for greatness to come… I wonder if the public server would be different from the beta one?
I raised my hand and typed on a floating keyboard: [CJS69]
My old, reliable username for the last decade or two.
The username is already taken.
…
WHAT THE FUCK?
I tried again.
[CJS69]
The username is already taken.
No.
No. No. No, no, no.
That was my NAME. I had used that name for fifteen years. That name was on the forums. The rankings. My death threat to the dev team in 2017.
Who the hell…
Oh my god.
I opened the player search.
Sure enough, there it was.
A brand new user. Level 1.
Username: CJS69
With the default starter avatar. Basic brown hair, green tunic. No soul behind the eyes.
A USERNAME SQUATTER.
A common, low-brow, smooth-brained username thief.
Someone probably saw my handle and went, "Haha, funny number," and claimed it like it was a free domain. Or they were impersonating the best player ever to exist.
My brain short-circuited for about twelve seconds.
… I'm going to murder that guy if he ever gets online.
Probably my fault for sleeping when the server was open.
Eventually, I settled on the most logical and emotionally mature solution possible.
I added one word.
[CJS69Real]
Stupid? Maybe, Petty? Hell yeah.
This was war; if that bastard can't handle passive aggression, he should Jefferey himself.
Username accepted. Welcome, CJS69Real.
Initializing Avatar Customization…
Now, the pod requires your government ID to register to play, and thankfully, I'm a female, so I get to customize a female character.
I glanced over the only thing that matters.
Chest Size
"Boing boing, fehehe."
Gotta slide that to the max, of course, why the hell would you play video games if you didn't create the hottest woman character imaginable?
… Wait, why isn't it going up? Why can I only make it smaller?
Chest size could only be as large as the user's size.
…
…
Be right back.
After getting up, I wrote another anonymous, strongly worded letter to the respectable and great company I loved. I got a beer from the fridge and came back to the pod.
I basically just made myself, because it was the easiest way for me to get immersed, and I didn't fear nothing, because the avatar was so basic and boring that anyone could've made this.
Brown eyes, short black hair, sharp teeth, probably chaotic neutral on the alignment chart.
Initializing spawn point…
Loading: Great City of Beginning
White light swallowed me whole.
When I opened my eyes, I was in the town square, staring at the only sun I could endure, the only blue skies and white clouds I could breathe in. I was in the beating heart of a fantasy civilization, set in the European medieval/Middle Ages.
A sprawling medieval city that looked like it was painted with oil and kissed by gods.
The castle in the distance shimmered with enchantments. Golden towers pierced the sky, with the kingdom's banners flapping gently in the wind.
Beginning, literally the name of the city, was, surprise surprise, the city for beginners and level one characters.
NPCs strolled the cobblestone streets, laughing and chatting in complete voice-acted bliss. There were so many, and I mean, so many level 1 scrubs standing around me where the square was. I could smell and feel them, and I should move quickly before it gets crowded up and a stampede happens.
Not that it ever did, but this game had collision physics, and I could already imagine people glitching into a human meatball. Or worse—Nickelodeon cat-dog thing.
Would you like to do the tutorial quest?
[No] I pressed.
I stepped forward, arms out wide like a girl in a romcom running through a field of flowers.
"This is it," I whispered. "The second coming."
Ah. Home.
"Now, where do I get the merchant class, and where do I buy the Fool's Knife again?"