With my mind made up, I didn't hesitate any longer. After all, I was "drunk," so there was no need to sneak around. I threw off the blanket covering me and swaggered over to Linda's bed.
Linda was quite alert—she hadn't fallen into a deep sleep. Hearing the movement, she reached out and turned on the bedside lamp. Rubbing her sleepy eyes, she asked, "Andrew, are you thirsty? Or feeling sick and need to throw up?"
Since I was pretending to be drunk, I couldn't answer her. If I did, she'd know I was sober. Ignoring her questions, I went straight over, lifted the blanket, and lay down on the bed. With the strong smell of alcohol still clinging to me, as long as I didn't slip up, Linda wouldn't suspect I had sobered up.
"Andrew, you jerk—!"
Although Linda was usually pretty fierce with me, she was clearly at a loss this time. She quickly shifted to one side of the bed, glaring at me angrily but not daring to yell too loudly for fear that her parents in the next room might hear.
Compared to the cold and hard tile floor, the soft mattress was heavenly—warm and cozy. Even better was the lingering scent of Linda's body in the blanket, a fragrance that was incredibly comforting.
Seeing I wasn't responding to her scolding, Linda gave a frustrated sigh. She tugged at the blanket while grumbling in a low voice, "Damn it, this guy is totally drunk."
Hearing this, I knew my plan had succeeded. I snickered internally, hugging the blanket and pretending to fall into deep sleep, even adding a light snore for effect to tell Linda, "I'm asleep, don't bother."
"Screw it. Just for tonight, since you protected me and drank all that wine for me… I won't kick you out of bed."
Linda finally softened a little. She began straightening the bedding, while I was inwardly overjoyed. After being married for so long, this was the first time I'd get to sleep under the same blanket with Linda.
But I was soon disappointed. Linda actually gave me the entire blanket and went to the closet to get herself another one. Only after wrapping up in her own quilt did she lie down beside me.
*Click.*
She turned off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness, save for a faint glow of moonlight spilling in from the window.
She must have been tired. She yawned and started drifting off to sleep.
The room fell quiet again, but my heart was racing. Yes, we were finally in the same bed—but under different blankets. What kind of married couple sleeps like this?
While I was thrilled, I was also disappointed. In the darkness, I opened my eyes, darting them around, thinking: This is a rare opportunity. I can't waste it.
So I "accidentally" rolled over in my sleep and wrapped my arm around Linda, letting out a sleepy mumble to keep her from pushing me off.
Sure enough, Linda's body stiffened like she'd been touched by a venomous snake. She immediately removed my hand from her waist.
Damn this woman—she won't even let a drunk man hug her! It's just a hug, not the end of the world.
I didn't dare go for a second try right away. I waited patiently for a few minutes before using another "sleep roll" to place my arm gently around her waist again.
Linda wasn't asleep. She murmured, "What's going on? Andrew usually sleeps pretty still. Maybe it's because he's drunk tonight."
Muttering that, she pushed my hand away again.
I repeated this trick several times. Linda, whether from exhaustion or resignation, eventually stopped resisting. My hand stayed on her waist.
Ha! Persistence pays off. Sometimes a man just needs to be shamelessly stubborn.
I was overjoyed to be able to sleep while half-hugging Linda. Though I wanted to do more, I didn't dare. If she found out I was faking, I'd be dead.
So I simply snuggled up to her waist and began to fall into sweet sleep.
Who knows how long I slept, but eventually I woke up with a parched throat.
Squinting in the dim light, I saw the sky outside the window beginning to lighten. It was almost dawn.
I looked over at Linda and was shocked—last night I fell asleep half-hugging her, but now everything had changed. Her own blanket had been kicked off the bed. Maybe she got cold during the night, but somehow she had burrowed into my blanket and was now clinging to me like a koala, her head nestled against my chest. She looked like a peaceful little deer.
She was sound asleep, breathing evenly, her breath light and fragrant. A faint smile rested on her cheeks, and her eyelashes fluttered slightly…
As I stared at her, a bold thought took root in my mind—maybe I could sneak a kiss? She probably wouldn't wake up, right?
The idea grew wildly in my mind like a spring seedling. Staring at her rosy little lips, I couldn't hold back anymore and leaned down to kiss her—
Suddenly, just as I was about to kiss her, Linda's eyes snapped open. It was like she'd sensed something in her dream. Her gaze locked directly with mine—so close.
"AHH—!"
After a moment of stunned silence, she screamed and punched me square in the face. Off guard, I took the hit in the left eye and tumbled off the bed with a cry of pain.
A moment ago, she had been a gentle sleeping deer. Now she had transformed into a fierce lioness.
"You jerk! How dare you try to kiss me?!"
Just then, the door burst open with a *click*. My father-in-law and mother-in-law, dressed for their morning exercise, peeked inside. Zhang Daguo stared at the angry Linda and me, climbing up from the floor with a bruised eye.
"You *tried* to kiss her? What the hell is going on in here?" he asked, stunned.
In their eyes, Linda and I were husband and wife—married for over a month now. To hear her scream like that, they couldn't help but wonder: had we really never even kissed?
Linda, seeing her parents at the door, became even more flustered.
"Mom, Dad! Why didn't you knock? Can't you show some manners?!"
"You didn't lock the door. We heard you scream and thought something happened," Zhang Daguo replied. "Now explain this—what do you mean he tried to kiss you?"
They didn't know that Linda had been refusing all intimacy since our marriage. If Zhang Daguo knew we hadn't even consummated the marriage, he'd probably blow a fuse.
"This…"
Linda panicked. She shifted her gaze to me, obviously hoping I'd help explain.
I, holding my bruised eye and forcing a crooked smile, said, "Mom, Dad, it's like this… I woke up before brushing my teeth and tried to kiss her. She got mad about the bad breath."
Linda quickly chimed in, "Yeah, that's it! He tried to kiss me without rinsing—his breath was awful!"
Zhang and Xu looked at each other. Xu Shuqin huffed, "Making such a fuss over something so minor. If the neighbors heard, we'd be a joke! I'm going to the park. Xiaoyu, make sure breakfast is ready and clean the kitchen too. Don't just loaf around all day—I didn't raise you for nothing."
"…Got it," I mumbled.
My mother-in-law had always looked down on me, especially after Linda lied and told her I was impotent. In her eyes, I was worse than a servant.
She walked out first. My father-in-law, still decent to me, glanced at my bruised eye and sighed, "Put a boiled egg on that bruise. You two are a married couple—don't fight over every little thing."
Then he left too, leaving just Linda and me in the room.
Linda immediately jumped out of bed, locked the door again, and turned to glare at me.
"Andrew, explain! What's really going on?!"
"I swear it's not my fault!" I said quickly. "We went to sleep separately, under separate blankets. You kicked yours off in the middle of the night and climbed into mine."
I even motioned toward the blanket on the floor to prove my point.
But Linda's expression darkened. She glared at me and hissed, "You weren't drunk last night, were you? How do you remember going to bed? And remember that we each had our own blanket?!"
Only then did I realize my slip-up. I had pretended to be drunk just to crawl into bed with her. Now I was totally exposed.
Linda's eyes narrowed. "So you *were* faking. Andrew, I'm not done with you!"