A void had appeared in the wake of Roxy's departure. The home our family resided in felt emptier without her presence. I felt it the most. Love was not an emotion that Spartans felt, not in the way I had begun to feel for Roxy at least. As its protectors, we Spartans loved humanity. It was a clinical love however. Drilled into our brains through repetitive exercise and lessons. A protector couldn't truly protect their charge if they didn't feel some sort of attachment to it after all.
Years of freedom from the Covenant had begun to ease me out of the shell Onyx has constructed. I'd become less machine and more human. Roxy leaving shattered that, destroying the progress I'd made. I returned to silence, not speaking or interacting with others. The orchard that had become her and I's was now mine. It was a safe haven that I refused to leave. The colors that had surrounded my home had become gray, bland and devoid of life. I was not equipped to handle the rush of emotions that I had experienced, much less the backlash of someone so important to me having exited my life. Agony had become my companion as I longed for her presence. Our conversations that had formed the foundation of what I felt, even if I could no longer comprehend what it was I felt.
It was in the orchard that Paul found me. I was staring at the stump of the old oak, the only evidence she had been here in truth, my mother having quickly cleaned the attic to allow me its use again. 'She's gone...and I'm left alone and suffering.' There was no answer for me among the wood that surrounded me. Only silent judgment as a broken man pondered his torment and demons.
"Are you still upset that she left Rudy?" How was I to answer? Nothing in my previous life had prepared me for the wound that had been torn open within me. I had no words for my father as he tried to comfort me. "Your mother is worried about you, and so is Lilia, Rudy…" They couldn't understand, could they? The crushing loneliness stemming from a lack of basic understanding. Normal, well rounded people couldn't begin to grasp what I felt.
A sigh. He was disappointed, he had every right to be of course. His son had become mute and despondent. A rough hand grabbed me, pulling me from the orchard to the front of the house. With a rough shove, I was on the road leading into the village.
"I love you Rudy, but this has to stop." He was resolute. There was no room for argument in his voice. I studied my father. His arms crossed his chest as he glared at me, frustration and anger radiating off of him. "Your mother can't stand to see you like this, so she won't have to see you anymore. It's simple. Fix yourself or don't come back." Was it savage and not the fatherly thing to do? Yes. Was it what I needed? Absolutely.
I rose to my feet. There would be no safe haven in my parents house, not while I hurt them, even if it was unintentional. Buena village was the obvious choice for shelter. 'How can I fix myself if I don't know how to deal with this?' And so it began. Old habits, gained through years of suffering and agony resurfaced. My first night away from our house was under the village elder's porch. Water dripped through the boards as I waited out the evening's storm.
By the time the sun made its way into the morning sky I had left. Staying in one place for too long left traces, clues to the presence of the individual. It endangered the individual and the mission in the long term. Thus began the cycle. Minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks. It became a blur as conscious thought retreated and instinct took over. Where had been a budding individual, a human capable of feelings and emotion disappeared into the void. What replaced it was cold, calculating. A head hunter entered the world and would not be contained by expectation or tradition.
Weeks later, something changed. Morning had come, and with it a meal. Blood covered my hands, a rabbit laying bare of its skin and slow roasting before me. There was no emotion as the beast turned, only cold and calculating thought. ' A rabbit will sustain me for another two days at least. Tomorrow I'll return to the river. Fish is a good source of vitamins and healthy fats.' Memories of lessons on the human body and its needs flashed in my mind. Instinct drove my body as I had retreated into the recesses of my mind. Fat dropped from the rabbit, sizzling in the flames as the beast roasted.
Only when a yell broke the silence did my body move. ' Yelling means fighting. Fighting means death. Death means I'm failing.' a fallacy of logic, only brought on by impulse and a decade of frenzied fighting. I raced through the forest, clearing logs and ducking under branches as I closed in on the source of the yell. ' I have to protect them.' Bursting from the tree line, time slowed to a crawl. Four children were situated before me. One laid to the left, on the ground as the other three pelted them with mud and rocks. Years of training kicked in as my body moved. Time resumed its pace as I launched forward towards the assailants.
' Three combatants. Bigger than me, but uncoordinated. Attacking the civilian, reason unknown. Protect the innocent and destroy the dissenters.' The question presented itself, was force authorized? In the haze that was my mind, the answer was clear. Yes it was.
The first assailant never saw me coming. A combo for redirecting his energy saw the boy on his back as his hand was crushed under my foot and his arm snapped. His scream of pain alerted the other two to my presence. The next boy, despite being aware of me, stood no chance as I advanced on him. Darkness overtook him when my fist connected with his nose. Two more strikes to his chest ensured he wouldn't be able to move or breathe easily for months as his rib cage broke under the punishment. The last assailant had watched as his two companions had fallen to me, deciding better than to confront the beast that destroyed his posse, and had attempted to run away. There would be no escape from his punishment however. He folded as I slammed into him with the force of a train. There was no defense as fists rained down upon his head. Unconsciousness did not save him from the beating meted out on his body. When the haze receded, I stood above the boy. His chest rose and fell, weakly, but steadily.
Turning, I moved to the victim. They were hyperventilating as I approached. ' Shock. They've been beaten by the others and have injuries. Additionally they may be suffering from minor frostbite due to the cold temperature.' They're hyperventilation only got worse as I offered my bloody hand to the child. "Come with me. It's safe and I'll take you to a place to treat your injuries." Eyes bulged as my words entered the air, monotone and devoid of any emotion after I'd demolished the attackers. Unconsciousness took over the victim. They slumped forward, the stress of the day proving to be too much. ' They need treatment.' Surpassing the limits of my childish body, they were slung on my shoulders and I began to make my way towards Paul and Zenith's house.
The trip was quiet, after all I had no words to say and my companion was unconscious. The people of Buena village muttered and pointed as I passed through the town. In the weeks since my exile I'd become a local myth. The rabid child whose own parents didn't want him. My feral appearance and ability to live off of the land had only contributed to the legend. The road to my parents house seemed so alien as compared to before. It was unwelcoming, the stone boundary around the house even more so. It sat, cold and hard, judging me as I entered the front yard. ' Zenith will help. She's better at comforting people and healing them than I am.'
The yard was empty. The only sign of life was the laundry hanging from the line. It swayed in the wind, hypnotically as the breeze blew gently through clothes and sheets alike. Of all the enemies and challenges I had faced in my previous life, the door before me seemed more daunting than anything else. My silent companion weighed heavily on my shoulders, their lack of response forcing me into such an uncomfortable situation. The knock seemed to echo, amplifying across the yard as my hand rapped on the hard oak.
A minute passed in silence. Dragging on as I awaited a response. ' I don't know where else to go.' Instinct had brought me back here, and I could only hope that I hadn't made a mistake.
The door finally opened, and there stood Lilia. Bags rested under her eyes as her body expressed her exhaustion. Her eyes brightened momentarily as they found purchase on me. They dimmed again as she took in my feral appearance, blood dripping from my hands and the unconscious child on my back. "Master Rudeus….what have you done?"
I didn't answer, pushing past her into the kitchen. My parents sat next to the fire, both exhausted and worried as I entered the room. Their eyes were wide as I unceremoniously dropped the child on the table. "They need help and I am not good at healing magic." My voice was empty, devoid of emotion. Reflecting the machine I had become once more. I ignored the questions they asked me, instead sitting on a chair and letting everything empty from my body as I sat. Hours passed. The victim woke once Zenith finished treating them. In the period of time we waited for the victim to wake up several families from the village came to the house. Each family told the same story, of a rabid boy who had assaulted their children, leaving them in terrible condition and threatening their lives. I weathered Paul's glare through it all as Zenith healed their children as well. When finally the families left, and Lilia escorted the now awake victim home did the two confront me.
"What have you done?!" My father's question was full of anger and heat. He saw the evidence of my defense of someone as a blatant violation of everything he had raised me to believe in and follow. ' I executed the mission and saved the target.'
"Sir?" Instinct resurfaced, he was the superior and I was the failure. My face stung as his hand forcibly snapped my hand to the left. I was no stranger to corporal punishment. Chief Mendez and Commander Ambrose had flagrantly and frequently dished out said form of punishment for disobeying their orders or failing to meet their expectations. A father's hand, as symbolic as it was, was nothing compared to the whip of an instructor.
"DON'T ACT STUPID WITH ME RUDEUS! YOU ALMOST KILLED THOSE CHILDREN!" Rage, hot and unbridled now.
' Why is he angry?' What knowledge of social parameters I had gained was gone. I couldn't understand and it showed. "I don't understand. You told me to protect the weak and use my strength for good. Those boys attacked the victim. I ensured they would not be able to do so again." The detached answer only seemed to infuriate him even more. His anger was close to boiling over and it was obvious. Before he could snap again however, Zenith stepped in.
"Rudy….why did you hurt them so much? You could have simply knocked them out, that's obvious." She was disturbed, scared of me now. "Why'd you continue after they couldn't fight back?" Did she not understand?
Negative actions required correction. They were children, and as such didn't deserve death. But for bullying and hurting an innocent person they deserved punishment. Such a negative experience would prevent them from committing such a heinous act again. ' We did the same thing to the other cadets who sacrificed others for themselves. Humans cannot be allowed to step on each other for personal gain. Not when there is so much at stake.'
"They would have done it again ma'am." She winced at the honorific. "They're bullies who don't care about others and only care about feeling good." Delivered so monotonously, it didn't have the same effect but I was running on reserves. I couldn't deliver an emotional monologue anymore. I couldn't be their son, only a Spartan who could correct others at this point.
Zenith's eyes searched mine, looking for something. For what? I didn't know, but I could only guess that it was for some hint of the son she'd birthed. A small moan escaped her mouth, she was in pain. Our entire family was, but I couldn't fix it. Ignoring Paul, my mother took me to our washroom. A chair sat in front of the washbasin, steam rising off of the hot water. I was forced into the chair. The smell of cut hair and oil crawled into my mind. A chair similar to this had long ago begun my journey as a Spartan on Onyx.
With gentle hands, Zenith gathered the wash rag and began to wipe me off. Blood, dirt, and sweat came away in layers. Evidence of the last month and my refusal to face the agony within me washed away in silence. Whereas before it had been awkward, now it was simply empty. Sitting before Zenith was a false human, wearing the face of her child. When faced with a blemish that would not come away, Zenith attacked it with a zeal that would be praised. It hurt. Any other child may have cried or folded under the unsaid pressure. I embraced it. The water of the basin slowly turned black. The sins of who I was came away in the dirt and blood, tainting the water and leaving me cleaner than I had been in two decades. A chin on my hand forced me to face the woman who had birthed me.
We stared at each other. Mother hoping her son existed somewhere inside of the machine. Machine looking for direction and motivation, a target to be unleashed upon. "To bed. You won't be leaving this house again for some time. This is your home, and I refuse to let your father remove you from our life." Her tone offered no room for debate. She escorted me to my room, changing me out of the rags I had lived in for the last month. The bed and its covers enveloped me as I was tucked away. Patting my chest, she remarked at last, "I just want you to be happy and healthy Rudy. I'm your mother and I love you." Her words were passionate and full of a mothers warmth. "I hate when you're upset and hurting."
The candle extinguished. Only when the door was almost closed did I finally reply. "I don't know how to be happy." And then the light was gone.
With mornings first rays came sword practice. Paul was especially aggressive, not allowing me room to fight back. Despite being in headhunter mode, I couldn't find a gap in his defenses. In that moment he wasn't a father teaching his son, but an instructor beating a lesson into his student. Only when an intruder appeared in the stone entryway did he relent and allow me a break. Air evading me, I stumbled to my feet and held the wooden tool alof in front of me. The lesson had done little to ease his anger, but I'd endured it all the same. The knight had beaten me for hours, meting out discipline and lessons. His face was as stone when he turned away. "Don't heal yourself or go to your mother for it. The bruises and scars from today will be your lesson."
A harsh reminder to be sure, but not an unwarranted one. Chief Mendez had often left cadets in states of pain befitting their mistakes. I groaned as left, my body letting me know that I had suffered this day. Glancing out to the stone entryway, there stood the child from yesterday. Their hair was bright green, and thick. The face was young, with expressive hazel eyes that held a cautious curiosity in them. The most striking and damning feat was their ears. Humans had rounded ears, the ones on this child were pointed. In spite of looking like they were human, they were obviously not.
"Can I help you?" A flinch. They'd only know destruction from me, even if I had protected them from their assailants. A step back showed just how scared they were, fear taking hold of them. "What do you want?!" Anger spilled out of me. It was uncharacteristic, but I was hurting and didn't know how to express it.
"Thank you." Well, I hadn't expected that. Their voice was soft, and feminine. A far cry from the androgynous features that defined the her looks. ' She's small. And even smaller when she speaks.' Despite that, courage was racing though her even if it was monetary. It was to be commended, facing a monster that could slaughter her before she could blink. There was steel in the girl.
I grunted, an odd sound for a five year old to be sure, but one that felt appropriate. "I only did what was expected of me." A lie of course, but she didn't know that. I'd needed an outlet for my rage, for my hurt, and her bullies had been the perfect target. That they were children was inconsequential to a machine.
"Can you teach me to be strong? Strong like you are?" I looked back at her. She couldn't understand the weight of her request. To become less than human, less than whatever she was, could rip apart whoever she was as a person. Destroying the young girl in front of me and replacing it with raw instinct, brutality and violence that was a hair trigger away from snapping and killing everything around her.
"No. Absolutely not."
Indignation, without knowing who or what I was. "Why not?!" The courage from earlier was back, and now it was righteous. She wanted to be able to defend who she was. She wanted the power and the strength to show that she was an individual and not a nameless soul, drifting through the crowds. ' So very like Roxy in that respect.'
"Because you don't understand what you're asking!" The words hissed out of my mouth, full of spite and hate. Not directed at her, but finding her all the same. "You're soft and weak, unknowing of what it requires! The strength you seek from me requires sacrifice, slicing up bits and pieces of who you are until you can't recognize what's left when you look in the mirror!" Rage built, at what had been taken from me. Rage for the family I had lost. Rage that I had lost my humanity and become a tool. Rage that I, the tool of our vengeance and defense, had failed so spectacularly and that the Covenant's genocidal march had continued unabated despite mine and my siblings sacrifice. ' I am a failure and she wants to become like me?!' Hot, fiery fury built to its boiling point.
"YOU'RE ASKING TO BECOME A TOOL! UNFEELING AND COLD AS YOU SLAUGHTER ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING AROUND YOU!" It was an angry roar. I had brought my pain to the earth through use of mana, but only now did I voice the wrongs that had been visited on me. Softer, smaller than before, "You act like it's easy, but your bones will creak and crack, and you'll hate yourself in the end. Just like I do." I had hoped to dissuade her, turn this child from this path of pain and anguish.
"I don't care. You're strong, and you protected me when I couldn't." Conviction, the likes I hadn't heard since I spoke with my fellow cadets our first night at Onyx. "I want to be like you, whatever you are. And if you can survive it, then so can I!"
Her back was straight, and fire blazed in her eyes. A far cry to the child who refused to stand up for themself the day prior. Not only was I hesitant to teach her, but could I even teach what was required to become a Spartan? I didn't know. I had none of the characteristics of Ambrose, and all the worst of Mendez. Not only that, but I was angry and broken. What did I know about teaching a child to become a merciless weapon of violence?
' This is different from what I experienced with Roxy. She showed me that I could be more than what I was indoctrinated to think. I could be human and have goals and emotions. That I can care about someone in a deep way… This girl is asking me to abandon that, to return to the machine that I was and to inflict that suffering upon her and make her one of us.' Words failed me. I'd asked to become a member of the program, and so had Sasha. But our lives had been vastly different than this child's. It was easy to see she had parents, and was fed and nurtured, her soft personality suiting her. As a child of the UNSC, I had witnessed death and destruction by the time I was her age. Greydowns had been a massacre and it had been pure luck I managed to escape as the planet.
The fall and glassing of Greydowns was biblical. Man and woman fell alike to the genocidal Covenant. Those who survived the glassing were found first by the brutes, angry and hungry apes. The small amount of those who had lived past that faced torture and zealous execution at the hands of the elites. It didn't matter what color our skin was, what god we followed, or even who slept next to us in the evenings. To the Sangheili, we were all heretics only deserving of a tortuous end. The UNSC had saved two hundred and thirteen of us almost six months after the fall of the orbital defenses. It was a pitiful number, especially when compared with the original seventy-seven million souls that had lived on the moon. I'd had every reason to become a spartan after that, but did it give me a right to deny her the chance?
"You don't even know my name." It was a weak deflection, one I had hoped would work but only fueled the determination in the child.
"Well my name is Sylphiette! What's yours?" Her innocence betrayed her. It was a gamble from both of us. She wanted to become something more, I wanted nothing to do with her. Fate it would seem, had different plans for the two of us.
Cool blue eyes met hazel ones. Experience versus hope. A long exhale escaped me. I was tired, and didn't want to fight a losing battle anymore. "My name is Rudeus Greyrat. Son of Paul and Zenith Greyrat." Incomplete, the description could not inform her of what she needed. Not when she was asking for the Spartan and not the human. But for now it would do. Her smile was brilliant, accompanied by a jump for joy. "Do you have any responsibilities? Chores?" The entirety of her free time was going to be absorbed and dedicated to this. A nod. Good, the child would be on time and responsible then. "What time are you finished with them?"
"I can finish my chores and be here by nine." I could make that work. Paul had returned us to an earlier routine anyways. "Excellent. Be here by then, and come in clothes that you're not afraid to damage." Our conversation was finished, what words were left needed to be earned, not given. I parted from the girl, heading inside the house. Lilia sat just inside the entryway having witnessed the exchange.
The Greyrat home had been odd since my birth, but it had been ignored in favor of the elation a newborn had brought. Oddness and excentrics had been replaced by a cold understanding. The events of the previous day had shattered the carefully crafted illusion. Where once there had been familial love and appreciation in Lilia's eyes was now suspicion and wariness. ' She's looking at me like I'm a rabid dog about to snap.' The offered towel was taken and to the bath I went. I cleaned myself, being careful not to aggravate the bruises or cuts I had sustained. All the while I planned and considered the resources available to me. ' I can train her body, and instill at least some form of warrior mentality within her. I can also train her in weapons, fighting and survival skills.' It wasn't a good plan of attack, not even a decent one to be honest. But Sylphiette had asked me for this and I would deliver. Mind made up, the rest of the day blew by me.
Paul's training the next morning was more of the previous day's beating. Despite that I began to rise and meet my father's challenge, deflecting blows that would have removed me from the fight and even landing several consistent hits on the man. I even felt a surge of pride as blood dripped from his split eyebrow. I found myself becoming more proficient in the Sword God and North God styles with each practice. We finished just before Sylphiette was due to arrive. Both of us struggled from the exertion of the morning, ending up sitting across from each other. The anger and disappointment from before had dimmed, replaced by a weariness that was out of character for the knight. "So, will your damsel in distress be back? Lilia said the two of you had an interesting conversation." It was a pathetic attempt at subtlety, like a giant trying to fit in among normal people. ' Or like a Spartan among marines.' I thought dryly.
"Yes. She should be here soon." A hum was his response.
"And what will you two be getting up to? You're not planning on defiling the poor girl already are you, Rudy?" Of course he'd be perverted, but it was nice to have a sense of normalcy between us. The air was filled with tension as I didn't respond. "Fine. seeing as we're both men of action I'll get to the point. How did you learn how to fight like that Rudeus? I didn't teach it to you for sure. And now you apparently are going to be teaching that little girl to act like that?!" He was upset, and for good reason. He was about to be even more upset.
"I can't tell you." The fury had returned. He obviously wanted to rip into me and demand answers from me. He needed some sort of assurance, or at least half answer otherwise this was going to be bad. "You wouldn't believe me." Confusion now. "It sounds insane. I'm the one struggling through it and even I think I'm half insane some days father. I want to…I want to tell you. You, mother, and Lilia. But I can't, not now." Frustration mounted within me as I struggled to articulate the thoughts and feelings that had invaded me. I just wanted to be back in control. "One day, you'll know the truth, I swear. You and mom both. But we're…..we're just not there yet." He wanted to say more, but Sylphiette appeared in the stone portal. Fate was smiling on me today it would seem.
"Fine. I love you Rudy, no matter what. All of us do, we just want to make sure you're going to be okay." His piece said he left to change and go patrolling. I sighed, knowing that when I finally did open up to them it would be a frustrating and long day.
My trainee was dressed in loose fitting garments that would not impede her movement. "Last chance to change your mind." I could see the hesitation in her eyes as she considered it, but she stayed strong and true, simply shaking her head as a no. "Alright then. Follow me." We set out from the estate at a brisk jog. The route took us through the village and along the outer fields as the sun rose high into the sky. Fields rolled by slowly as we ran. ' Three miles is a good distance for her. Our first night on Onyx we did seven so really, she's being let off easy.' We came to a stop in an unused field. Behind me Sylphiette fell to the ground gasping. A few minutes of rest would do the both of us good. ' We'll start with some strengthening exercises before we move to fighting.'
"Alright, get up. We have more to do after all." a pathetic moan, but she stood none the less. We worked through several strengthening exercises, push ups, situps, air squats before ending with stretches. "How do you want me to refer to you? As Sylphiette, cadet, something else?"
"Well my mom calls me Sylpie if that's what you mean…" As a trainee she deserved to be called cadet, but I didn't think I could bring myself to do so seeing as I wasn't in control of her life. "Okay Sylphie, then I'll be transparent with you. I can't teach you to be like me, at least not entirely."
"What do you mean? You said you'd teach me to be strong." She was trying not to show her disappointment.
"And I will, but what I know, the experiences that gave me the ability to save you like I did the other day I can't give to you. That would require that we be with each other each minute of every day. Frankly, neither you nor I could disappear for such a long time like that, as well as I don't have the resources to teach you that way." Sylphie's face fell. To her it must have seemed like I had misled and lied to her. "But what I can do is give you other skills. I can train your body and your mind. I can teach you how to react, to survive, to fight back. You won't be a weapon or a force of nature physically, but you'll be smarter and wiser than others. Not a sword, but a dagger if you will. Knowing that Sylphiette, do you still want this?"
"Yes." No hesitation. That was good, she'd been offered every chance to back out and hadn't. She'd go far with certainty and conviction that strong. I smiled, my own uncertainty washing away. "Good. Let's begin then." Our daily routine was outlined then. In the mornings after I had finished training with Paul, she and I would go for a run, somewhere between two and six miles in distance to our training area so that she was always pushed to build her lungs. Next was strength training and stretching, followed by basic sparring. Sylphie was never going to be a large or powerful individual, I could tell looking at her parents after I met them. But, she could be lithe and dexterous, beating her opponents through being faster and harder to hit. We would also train with wooden knives around this time too. My protige didn't seem to enjoy the training, but understood their use as a tool and was at least going to be proficient with them. Sylphie's family was very poor, and as such they had no way of sending her to school, so I would teach her how to read, write, and perform basic math. It was necessary given that I also tutored her in strategy and command philosophy. Those topics, along with the magic I started to teach her, were where she excelled.
Presented with battles from Earth's history, Sylphie was able to analyze outcomes and leaders with a cold efficiency. Leonidas and his 300, Baldwin the IV and Saladin, Omar Bradley and Erwin Rommel. Each lesson that was presented through mock battles she internalized. One day I'd be able to beat her with a feint before slamming into her lines with my troops. The next day she would be able to recognize and defeat any attempt at doing so. Were she given an army after finishing our training I had no doubt she could demolish opposing forces with little to no lose of her own. She valued the lives of her units too much to sacrifice them.
Teaching her about philosophy and politics was interesting, as coming from what was a peasant lifestyle she didn't jump at democracy and the idea of having a say in politics. No, she believed that some form of Monarchy or Theocracy was the most efficient form of government, citing the conflicting interests and slowed decision making that came with a republic or a democracy. I personally had no interest in politics, but seeing my student become as interested as she did elate me.
The final subject I taught Sylphie was magic. To describe her as a prodigy was to do her a disservice of a proportion that was unimaginable. When learning with Roxy, I had been more of a practical than theoretical learner. I had learned the foundations of magic out of necessity, but it didn't sing to me the same way as application and using magic had. Unlike me, Sylphie was ravenous for both the theoretical and practical. Within two weeks of teaching her the foundations of magic she had been creating complex magical circles that I could not understand at a glance. Her magical ability and casting increased at a similar rate. Days after having taught her a spell, she'd be shortening her incantations and casting faster and more efficiently than veteran casters. Sylphie's ability to learn and think unconventionally was amazing, and while not at the same level as a spartan, was far beyond the day to day individual.
And so time passed, until two months later.
It had been a beautiful day. Following my morning training, with Paul I had gone about my daily routine, training Sylphie. I returned home in the evening, tired, sore, and filthy. The atmosphere of the house had slowly warmed up since my return, becoming much less hostile and returning to the home that I had remembered. Even Roxy's absence was no longer as gaping, having removed myself from the house as often as I had and focusing on training as much as I did. As I climbed the steps my ears perked up. I could hear Zenith singing from outside, her melodic voice carrying out of the opened windows. It was an older language she sang in, the holy language of Millis. I didn't know the song, but it conveyed the message well enough. She was joyous, and sharing it with the world freely.
I entered the house, closing the door quietly so I didn't disturb her. Her voice was even more beautiful as she worked in the kitchen. ' She's cleaned.' The house was spotless, no dust or dirt to be seen anywhere. She stood before our stone oven, working on something for dinner. ' She looks like an angel.' Her hair seemed to glow and she moved with a grace that I had not expected from the woman. After about ten minutes of watching she seemed to finally notice me. She turned and waved me up to her side. A spoon of seasoned greens was offered with a smile. "Tell me what you think, Rudy." It was salty and had a mix of flavors, with leafy greens clashing with a variety of different peppers. It was delicious.
"It's very good mother."
Her smile was soft as she turned back to the pan. "Good, I'm glad you like it sweetie. Now go wash, Lilia prepared a bath for you." Her words proved true as I found myself in the basin upstairs. Dirt and grime came away as I scrubbed at my skin. In my previous life I had been covered in scars, from the augmentations and from combat. Here, as the grime came away there was nothing. ' All the scars are gone…what few I have now just don't have the same weight.' My hand came to rest over my heart, the same spot that should have killed me. It was blank, only covered in a deep bruise. Paul had caught me out in between a series of aggressive strikes against him. ' Yet it won't scar…it'll heal.' I stood from the tub, gathering a towel and drying myself off. On went a set of clean clothes and to the table I headed.
The dinner was a simple affair. A light meal that went down easily. Finally Zenith stood, the same smile from earlier was on her face, her eyes fixated lovingly on Paul. "Well, I suppose it's time that I tell everyone. We're having another baby!" Everything seemed to stop, Paul was in the most shock. ' I don't know why really. He and mother act like rabbits every single night. Realistically I should be the oldest of six or seven by now. It makes sense why she looked like she was glowing earlier now though.' When he did move it was revernantly, almost like didn't believe it or that if he was too fast then she'd break. I was happy for them, Zenith had often talked about how she wanted to give me siblings and it was painful that she hadn't yet. ' Perhaps she believed that it would have brought me out of my shell.' The mood was amazing as Paul hoisted Zenith in the air and shouted his delight for all to hear. Zenith laughed as she was spun around the room. But something was off.
Lilia.
She sat across from me, her head down and her body language radiating shame. She was close with both mother and father, closer than most employees were with their employers. So why wasn't she happy for them?
"I'm pregnant too." So quiet that it could have almost not been said at all. Yet it was louder than a screaming train. Everything stopped, silence consuming the room as our maid informed us of her own condition. What should have been a joyous occasion was ruined. It wasn't hard to see why. Lilia rarely, if ever left our house. Who else could the father have been except for Paul? ' Paul you fucking scumbag.' My parents stood motionless. Paul's eyes wide and his mouth open as his infidelity was thrust out into the open. Then, he dropped to his knees. "I'm sorry Zenith. That child is mine." ' Of course it's yours you mongrel, Lilia doesn't leave home.' His head rose searching for forgiveness in Zenith's blank face. My mother had always been a woman of compassion and forgiveness, seeing the best in everyone. I never expected Paul's face to snap to the side as her open hand collided with his cheek, the sound reverberating off of the walls as he took the full force of the blow.
So it was that we found ourselves an hour later. Paul sat in the dark at the foot of the stairs to the second floor. Zenith and Lilia sat at the table, an oil lamp illuminating Zenith's covered face and Lilia's upset one. And then there was me. I stood next to the wall that separated the three adults from each other. ' What a fucking mess, all because he couldn't keep it in his pants.' Rage boiled inside me one second, and then would disappear as I turned to look at my mother and the woman I had come to consider an aunt. Zenith trembled every few seconds, likely from repressed sobs and anger. Lilia sat quietly, her shame even more prominent now that it had been addressed. "What will you do now?" The first words in an hour and it was that loaded? What else was she to do but leave?
"I'll stay and help you have your child and then take my leave, my lady. I'll return to my home village and look for work and a place to stay." That made no sense. They'd be both having their children around the same time. ' Lilia has no family either.' Her parents dying due to plauge when she'd attended the sword academy with Paul.
"It will be the middle of winter. You won't be able to travel in the snow while pregnant." It must have frustrated Zenith that she was being the voice of reason. "You'll have your child here." A quiet declaration, and one that was filled with pain. What woman would want the proof of her husband's infidelity in their own home?
"As you wish. I'll leave after I have given birth then."
' Absolutely not. A woman who has just given birth cannot be traveling, let alone her newborn. The baby is likely to die on the journey. If Lilia falls its likely they'll both die in the snow.' I glanced back at my father. The rage that had been building began cooling. He sat, his head in his hands. ' He knows he's messed up.' It struck me like a freight train. Paul was a proud man, he'd survived running away from a fortune that was promised to him for a life of adventuring. He'd even been able to provide the life we had enjoyed. For him to accept he had erred, even if it wasn't vocal, was a massive thing. ' I have to fix this somehow. I won't let my sibling be ripped from my life or die in a storm. Not when I just got it back and have started to recover.' I had a plan, but it was a long shot, and Paul would have to forgive me later but if it worked it would keep our family from fracturing.
I walked forward and stood beside Zenith. She didn't move or look up from her hands, even when my hands wrapped around her and my face found a resting place on her side. "Please don't make her go mom. She doesn't deserve to be punished. She didn't even want dad, he forced himself on her." A lie. One the other two were doing their best to ruin and prevent from working. Paul sputtered from the stairs and Lilia began to whine.
"That isn't true my lady!" Lilia's voice was weak as she protested my words.
"Yes it is." I was pleading, begging that Zenith would accept my words over Lilia's and let me save our home.
"Rudy…don't make this any harder than this already is. Please?" She was crying, I could feel the tears falling onto my head.
"No! Dad made a mistake but I don't want Lilia to go! She's our family, and we don't abandon each other. You didn't abandon me when I was hurting. I don't want her and my brother or sister to die out there! I won't accept that! I know you're hurting but it will hurt me even worse if you send her away and they die or I never get to meet them and be their big brother, I'll never forgive you!" It wasn't fair of me and I knew it. I would do anything to keep our family together however, and besides. ' I never cared much about guilt tripping others when it suited me anyways.' I pulled back from her side and glared up at her, daring her to defy me.
Her trembling became even worse as we sat in silence. But then hope began to rise in me as it stopped. She sniffled and pulled away from her hands to look at me. Zenith's eyes were filled with tears and her smile watery, but it was a ray of light in the dark. "You're very lucky you're so handsome and charismatic Rudy." She chuckled weakly and rubbed my cheek. "Alright sweetie, she'll stay." The tension that I hadn't felt until that moment evaporated from me, and I grinned, happy that my plan had worked. "Rudy is right. You're family, and not just that you're carrying his sibling. I would be an awful person if I threw you out." A sniffle, this time from Lilia as tears began to roll down her cheeks. "We're adults, and we can make this work! I, however, need sleep." Was she being falsely cheerful? Yes. Did it matter? No, she'd given her word and my mother always kept her word.
She moved to the stairs, stopping and staring at Paul for a few seconds before brushing past him to go to bed. Lilia left to her room soon after, leaving just me and Paul in the darkness. "You're a little bastard, you know that?"
He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I'd let him get away with it. "Well, I didn't stick my dick into two different women at the same time now did I?" He snorted but smiled.
"Thank you Rudy." He sighed and rubbed his face. "I doubt either of them will be happy with me for a while yet, but I still get to have them in my life. Because of you."
"Yeah, well… you're welcome. It doesn't change the fact that your a fucking idiot though."
He chuckled. "No, it doesn't." Nothing else needed to be said.
Norn and Aisha Greyrat were born eight months later in the dead of winter of the year K413. The two two girls entered the world just minutes apart and were happy to let it know they'd arrived. Norn, Zenith's daughter, was a small blond haired child that would cry at just about everything. Aisha, Lilia's daughter, was a crimson haired girl that was quieter and happier more often than not. My parents, now to include Lilia after Paul had taken her as his second wife, had felt as though they were receiving the true paternal experience after the quiet child that I had been. I, on the other hand, had felt pride and anxious at the opportunity to connect with siblings once again.
In the UNSC I had almost four hundred siblings. Our familial bond having been forged through loss and suffering. In this world I now had two younger sisters to watch out for and protect. We had all been close enough in age in my previous life to be able to protect each other, none of us being so young that they couldn't walk or feed themselves. It was novel, having an opportunity to watch someone grow and develop. Babies, it would seem, I handled with more care than the rocket launchers of my previous life if my two mom's words were anything to go by.
Time passed even quicker than before. I was so busy with sword practice, my sisters, and teaching Sylphiette that before I knew it I had turned seven. In that time my skills with North and Sword God style had reached a high intermediate level. I wasn't beating Paul in our fights, but he was no longer winning anymore either while he pulled his blows to ensure I wasn't hurt. We had reached a certain stalemate and without me growing larger, he was forced to be careful so that I wasn't injured. My magical skills however, had stagnated in that time. Despite my mother buying me a King level textbook, I had found myself in a rut.
A grunt escaped me as the EXODUS FLAME careened into the sky of the orchard, ballooning into a shower of embers. I was, quite frankly, pissed. ' I should be doing better than this!' "RAAAGH. FUCK!" My chest was heaving as the embers fell to the ground around me slowly. ' It's like being here has hindered me…' It was a terrible thought, that the bonds that I'd grown to cherish were preventing me from getting better. I sighed, shaking my head and wringing my hands. It would do me no good sitting there and contemplating it, so I went inside. My mothers were holding my sisters and bouncing them as Paul attempted to entertain the girls. It was a wonderful sight, firmly in my mind as I headed to the attic.
"Rudy! A letter came for you today!" Lilia's shout stopped me in my tracks. I knew a total of seven people in this world. Five were my family members, one my student, and one was my master and teacher. ' She's also the woman you're in love with.' An awful voice whispered from the back of my mind. I had been able to ignore the voice for a long time but the thought of Roxy writing to me seemed to drag the devil out of its grave. Turning, I walked up to my stepmother. She passed Aisha off to Paul and reached into one of the pockets on her uniform, pulling out a sealed envelope. Thanking her, I took the envelope and headed for the attic.
The room had become less sparse in the years since it had been converted to Roxy's place of rest. Inside now resided a bed, along with a bookshelf populated with stories and textbooks I had managed to sway away from passing merchants and scholars. The most used item in the room was the desk, where I now often spent the night reading at. The seat welcomed me as I stared at the unopened letter. ' I wonder why she's writing now. She's been gone for two years now, she must have done something in that time.' I'd waited long enough.
' Rudeus, I hope my letter finds you well. I'm sorry I haven't written these last two years, I've been incredibly busy and staying on the move. It is only because I recently took a position as a tutor in the Shirone kingdom that I am able to write to you now. I am teaching the seventh prince magic, much like I taught you. He isn't as talented as you however, and spends most of his time during our lessons trying to bed me rather than learn to my eternal frustrations. Speaking of learning, I have recently managed to graduate from Saint level water magic! I have become a King class water mage now, and it's thanks to you. You pushed me to constantly improve and believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I'm sure you've become a magic emperor by now with how fast you learn. You could even teach at the Ranoa Magical Academy one day with how much promise you have!' I felt terrible. My master was improving and becoming a stronger mage, and I had started to flounder. It was unacceptable, both as Roxy's student, and as a spartan. Improvement and learning were a necessity.
' I do miss Buena village. The Shirone kingdom is large, and the people are not as personable. I miss cooking with Zenith, and doing chores with Lilia. I miss Paul's dumb jokes and the way he would perform for us at dinner. Most of all, I miss you, Rudeus. I know it hurt you when I left, and I'm sorry that it did. There was always... something, between us. I know it has to do with who you are, who you're becoming. We never talked about it, and I didn't ask because I wanted to respect you. You were so intelligent that I would often forget that you were only four. The way you carried yourself was of a much wiser and older individual. I hope you know that I am, and always will be in your corner. I hope that the day comes soon where we are reunited and you can tell me all about how much you've grown and what your family has been up to. - Your master and friend, Roxy Migurdia'
Ps. I took your words to heart. I know there's a better man than your father. I'm just waiting for him now.
The letter was folded up neatly and placed inside the desk. My heart was hammering in my chest, having not seen her hand writings for years, or having expected the message to end like that. I sat and stared out the open window, gazing at the Red Wyrm Mountains that split the moonlit horizon. Beyond them I knew Ranoa layed, along with the Ranoa Magical Academy. ' It's the next step I have to take if I want to keep improving.' I'd have to ask Paul for the tuition to attend and arrange a sword tutor as well. Additionally, Sylphie heavily relied upon me by this point. ' I can't leave her, not after I have spent this long and invested this much energy.' It might have been clinical, but I wouldn't leave the girl to flounder. The question that remained was if Paul would be willing to pay for her too? We were well off, but not wealthy it seemed.
' I'll just have to see. When we see each other next…I'll tell her the truth. About who I am and what I feel…'
I skipped dinner that night, too consumed with flashes of green and blue hair occupying my mind.
Sparring with Paul in the morning felt more intense than it had before. The looming anticipation of his answer weighed heavily. First however, I needed to discuss it with Sylphie, convince her that it was in our best interests. ' Honestly she's close to catching up to me. She doesn't have my stamina, but she's soaked up everything else I've taught her.' She must have sensed something was gnawing at me when she came for our daily training session. She had come out of her shell in the last two years, becoming a confident and compassionate girl from the meek child who couldn't defend herself.
Her usual greeting to my family wasn't given, and instead we left for our run right away. It was brutal compared to our normal run. Eight miles out. There was a small clearing next to the river that flowed through Buena village. It was secluded, and offered an unmitigated view of the Red Wyrms. ' It will be perfect for us to speak. I'll be leaving, but she deserves a choice.'
Two years ago Sylphie would have long since fallen out of the run from exhaustion. Now she was able to not only keep up with me, but control her breathing and calm herself much quicker than previously. We sat in silence for almost an hour after arriving, the river flowing past us and the wildlife making their noises. The Red Wyrms sat forebodingly in the distance.
"I plan on leaving Buena, for a time at least." She said nothing in response so I continued. "I received a letter from my master, and it encouraged me to continue me education at the Ranoa Magical Academy."
"What about me? Ranoa is three weeks journey from the village." Geography had been a fairly easy subject for her to memorize. "Do you think that I'm ready?" Ready? In just two years? No, and that's what made this so frustrating.
"Frankly, no I don't think so. You've come a long way, and you've learned most of what I can teach you with the resources I have here. That's why I want to offer you the chance to come with me to Ranoa." She perked up at that. An opportunity like this would be highly unlikely to present itself again considering how poor her family was.
"You have the potential to be an even better mage than I am. You're miles ahead of me in theory, though we're even when it comes to practical and I have more stamina. If we were both to attend the academy then we could keep improving and spend more time working on your skills. The choice is up to you." She sat and pondered the choice. The few times I had met her family it had been apparent they were close.
' I'll be somewhat disappointed if she doesn't come, but I understand if she doesn't want to leave Buena.'
"You promised me that I would be your student, that you'd teach me to be strong." A nod. "You've done that and more, giving magic knowledge for free, not to mention teaching me so much more." Her gaze turned on me. "You're my first friend Rudeus. My teacher too. Where you go, I'll go."
' Huh. Sasha said the same thing so very long ago.' I offered my hand out to help her up. "To Ranoa we go then. As friends." A minor distinction, but an important one seeing as she'd only been my student up to this point. Through all her training Sylphie had never quit, through fights and cold and blistering winds when we'd gone for hikes. That deserved acknowledgement and I was happy to name her as my friend. She took the offered hand, thus sealing the deal.
We walked back, slow and sedate. For all the time we had spent in and around Buena it was rare we enjoyed nature. Too often we were training in survival, bush craft, guerilla tactics. ' I'll miss it here. It's been peaceful.'
After we had separated I headed home. The sun was low in the sky, and I could smell food from outside. Entering, greetings were said and my place at the table filled. Paul at the head, Zenith and Lilia next to him, then me, and finally in their booster seats, Norn and Aisha. The meal was loud as ever, Paul acting rambunctious and spoiling the women of his life with jokes and stories. As it wound down and my mothers cleared the table I figured it was time.
"Father, I have a request to ask of you."
"Oh?" His mug of beer came to rest on the table. "What's that?"
"I wish to go study at the Ranoa Magical Academy, across the Red Wyrms." His eyes showed intrigue as his finger traced the rim of his mug. ' Better now than later.' "I would also like to take Sylphiette with me. I am requesting that you pay her tuition as well so that we may attend together." Straightforward, he could at least appreciate that I hoped.
"Hmmm….we're well off Rudy but not that well off. We could certainly afford to send you. However, sending Sylphie and you at the same time? No, we can't afford that." His tone was hard, and offered no room for argument.
It was good then that I had thought of alternatives. "Then I would like to find a job father, and I was hoping you could help me find one. If you will pay for Sylphie to enter the academy I'll work long enough until I can attend."
Now his face sat as a mask, eyes fixated on his mug. "A job huh? Hmmm, I'll ask around and see what comes up. For now go help Lilia and Zenith with the dishes." I nodded, it wasn't what I was hoping, but it was the best I was going to recieve. My mothers welcomed the help, showering me with love and praising me for being such a good friend. ' If only they knew how selfish I'm really being.'
A week passed by. It was the afternoon and I found myself sparring with Paul instead of teaching Sylphie. I figured she had responsibilities or was being forced to spend time with her family. It had happened before afterall. The rest of the family sat on the patio, watching as we trained.
I grunted, blocking the overhead swing the Paul brought down on me. Vibration travelled up my arms and I felt a sharp spike of pain in my wrists as the blows kept raining on me. Each time I blocked one, two more would hit from a different direction. ' He's really not pulling any punches today!' fire blossomed in my side as the flat of his blade connected. Spartan time starting over and over, yet I wasn't able to do anything to dodge the blows. My lungs and ribs screaming out, I gasped, and dropped to a knee. It felt like my muscles were on fire as I struggled to catch my breath and I stayed hunched over, fighting for oxygen and pain relief.
I felt two sets of hands right me, and there stood Lilia and Zenith. "We're both proud of you Rudy. You're doing such a good job and you're going to do great!" It certainly didn't feel that way right then. Paul was kicking my ass and hadn't broken a sweat. Lilia continued, "We're going to miss you when you're gone, so you'll have to be sure to write to us. Oh! And you promised to tell us your secret on day so it'll have to happen after you come back!" Write them? Come back? Paul had said no to sending Sylphie and I to the academy. Just where did the two of them think I was going?
Paul came to stand behind me and only as I followed his sight did I noticed the carriage that had pulled up in front of the stone entryway. It's back door opened and out she stepped. She was tall, huge even when compared with a normal person. Her body was covered in lean muscle, with scars dotting it. Her state of dress was revealing, with a thin strip of cloth that was connected to itself using a piece of string covering her nipples and large breasts. But the most interesting thing was that she was missing an eye apparently, as an eye patch covered her right eye. That, or the feline ears on her head and tail that swung lazily behind her. "Is he ready to go yet?" ' Go where? What is going on?!'
"Just a minute Ghislaine." I looked to Paul. His face was hard, as though he was deep in thought. "Rudeus... It would be wrong of me if I didn't at least ask. Will you stay away from Sylphie? Does the two of you going Ranoa together really mean that much to you?"
' Why was he talking like that?' He must have known it was important to me when I asked him to help me find a job so we çould both go. "Yes father, it does."
He sighed, a long, deep one that was filled with sorrow and regret. "I thought as much." Only decades of combat experience and the fact that he had been teaching me allowed the block the blow. The wooden sword that raced towards my head. ' What the fuck?!' Anger brewed in me but I had no time to focus on it, I was too busy back pedaling. Overhead, from the right, feints, jabs, I was facing the full brunt of my father's skills and experience. Even with spartan time I couldn't dodge forever.
" WIND!" The gust shot out of my had, hitting my father, pushing him away from me and blowing dust into the air. Mana shot out of my feet, racing into the ground and away as I willed the soil under Paul to swallow his legs and become hard again, hopefully trapping him. The rage that had been building before began to overflow. "What the hell are yo-" It was my undoing. In becoming more human and healing from the trauma of my previous life and Roxy's departure I became less analytical. More prone to emotion than logic. I never checked to ensure that my father had been immobilized, too angry at his sudden attack to think about that.
He shot past me, the dust billowing out from around him. It was like time slammed on it's breaks as I saw him out of the corner of my eye. He had planted his feet, transferring the momentum to his upper body and out into his arms. The sword swung with the force of a gravity hammer. ' Fuck me.' I wasn't prepared to dodge the blow, my body was facing the wrong way, and I had been in the middle of yelling at my parent. It was going to connect, and there was nothing I could do.
As the blade hit my head I felt it crack, and then snap. Only then did darkness over take me and I blacked out.