Somewhere in an abandoned building outskirt.
"YOU ABSOLUTE GREMLIN! HOW DARE YOU TREAT A GODDESS LIKE THIS!"
The red haired deity flailed on a dusty sofa I'd provided for her— our temporary stay. I was cooking instant noodles over a stolen camping stove.
Totally not my fault for stealing. Her familia is the reason I have nowhere to stay and can't buy anything properly.
"Relax," I replied. "This is a clean hostage situation. You have snacks, a blanket, and even that cheap board game I found in the trash. What more do you want?"
"Freedom! Dignity! A bath! Ais tan!"
I stared at her flatly.
This failure aura is reminded me of some blue haired useless goddess.
Even worse? At least Aqua is not a pervert.
"Well, you're not getting the bath. I'm pretty sure you'd run."
"OF COURSE I'D RUN!"
We glared at each other in silence for a long, tense moment.
Then she cracked a sly grin. "You know, my child will come rescue me. In no time at all! Ais will burst through that door in shining armor, crying 'Loki-sama!' like a knight rescuing her princess."
"…Yeah?"
You still have that kind of fantasy? Aren't you supposed to be like thousand years old? And what kind of goddess fantasizing that kind of thing towards their child?
I raised an eyebrow.
"Then let's make a bet. If they find us in 24 hours, I'll surrender with no fight. But if not, you owe me a favor."
"Tch. Like I would make a deal with a criminal! And you stink like a demon's armpit!"
"I'm surprised that you know how it smelt." I commented effortlessly.
But she may have some point.
"…That's probably the Vanir mask. Or {Drain Touch}. Or the fact I haven't changed clothes in four days. Take your pick."
After some empty changes. We ended eating instant noodles together.
***
Next day.
I gave Loki the last stick of jerky I had. She didn't say thanks. But she didn't throw it at my head either, so I'll count that as a win.
"You know," she mumbled between chews, "My Familia is gonna burst in here any moment now. Your life is gonna end soon."
"Sure sure," I replied nonchalantly, lying on the floor. "Any moment now. I'm shaking like crazy."
"They will."
"Totally. Don't you see I almost wet my pants here?"
***
After some hours.
"…Ais probably just got lost."
"Amazing sense of direction, that one."
"She's emotionally constipated, alright? Takes her a while to admit she cares!"
I nodded seriously. "That explains so much. Does that mean she glares at Bell all day because she actually wants to hug him?"
"Ugh, don't even say that." Loki shuddered so hard the crate she was sitting on creaked. "If she ends up with that adorable disaster, I-I'm disowning her."
"Wow you're sounding more and more like a villainous stepmom, but not the hot kind."
"You sure have a lot of weird thoughts."
I rolled over, squinting up at the cracked ceiling. "... And if she ends up with me?"
She stared at me with intense amount of killing intent.
"Your little 'brother' wouldn't survive the wedding night."
"... Fair enough."
***
Seven days later.
Still no rescue.
Loki was lying face-down on the floor, drawing sad faces in the dust with her finger.
"…Maybe I really am just a useless goddess."
I patted her back. Make a very understanding smile.
Glad, you finally realized it.
Take you a while.
"There, there. I know a goddess even more useless. All her doing is just lazying around, drinking wine, getting scammed, and cause me a lot of trouble. Oh, wait— At least she is good at cleaning toilet, good at healing, support magic, purification, and water magic."
Didn't expect I will live long enough to realize the good side of Aqua.
Even found someone more useless than her.
"Oi! Aren't you supposed to cheering me?!"
"I tried, okay! But the more I think about it the more I questioning your use. Didn't you gods here, sealing your true power? All you can do is just give your familia a falna, then tell them to get stronger by themself, tell them to learn magic by themself, and tell them to work hard hoping that they would randomly get some skill."
I tried to emphatize them by thinking about my life. But there is no way I could 'serve' Aqua. Even though she basically the one who gives me power.
I only gives her pocket money out of pity.
"You brat! HOW DARE U!!"
Loki suddenly jumped off the couch and lunged at me like a rabid dog with divine authority. I barely had time to react before we were rolling on the floor, kicking, punching, biting—well, she bit—I don't do dental warfare.
"You kidnapping brat!"
"Cutting board!!"
"Degenerate!"
"Alcoholic!"
We tangled like a pair of starving raccoons fighting over a half-eaten sandwich.
Five minutes later, both of us lay sprawled across the floor, gasping for air, sweat-drenched and too tired to move. The air smelled like jerky, bad decisions, and divine frustration.
"So…" Loki finally muttered, "what's your plan now, kid?"
I groaned and sat up, dust off my clothes. "I'm sick of this lifestyle. Running. Hiding. Getting kicked in the face every other day. I just wanted a normal life, you know? So maybe I'll go to the guild… explain everything… try to clear my name."
Loki blinked. "You should've done that from the start, dumbass."
"Better late than never," I muttered. "I hate taxes but now I have enough experience to understand why people keep paying it."
"…That's... surprisingly accurate." Loki crossed her arms behind her head. "But you did kidnap me, a goddess! You really think you can just get away with it?"
"Rejoice, Loki." I said, standing. "I, Satou Kazuma, shall now grant you a chance to be useful."
"..."
Loki exhaled hard, pinching the bridge of her nose. "…You're such a brat. Fine. How about this, just join my Familia. It'll shut everyone up and make things easier."
I paused.
Looked her up and down.
Then back down at the cracked floor between us.
"Sorry," I said with all the gravity of a man declining a life or death quest. "But I really can't imagine myself being your underling."
Loki stared at me like I just slapped her with a tax notice.
"…Wow. You'd rather be a fugitive than my subordinate?"
I nodded. "Exactly. I have dignity."
"You stole Ais' underwear."
"We just have a different perspective of dignity, Loki."