The tension on Enies Lobby was thick, but Nolan's voice cut through it with lazy confidence.
"Captain, take the crew and get out of here first," he said, waving a hand like he was asking them to grab groceries instead of evacuating a warzone.
The Straw Hats exchanged glances—they understood exactly what he meant.
Luffy, however, did not.
"NO!" he shouted, stomping his foot like a toddler denied candy. "I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!"
Zoro pinched the bridge of his nose. "Luffy, you idiot, there's about to be a fleet of battleships raining hell on this place. If we stay, we're dead."
Sanji blew out a frustrated puff of smoke. "For once, listen to reason, shitty captain!"
Luffy crossed his arms. "NO! WE LEAVE TOGETHER OR NOT AT ALL!"
Nami sighed, rubbing her temples. Then, like a seasoned professional dealing with a particularly stubborn child, she reached into her Kamui dimension and pulled out a massive, perfectly cooked hunk of meat.
The effect was instant.
Luffy's head snapped around so fast his neck made an audible crack, his eyes bulging. "M-MEAT?!"
Nami dangled it just out of reach. "Yep. And it's all yours… if we leave right now."
Luffy's pupils turned into literal stars. "OKAY, LET'S GO!" He was already sprinting toward the Going Merry before the words fully left his mouth.
The crew facepalmed in unison.
"Unbelievable," Usopp muttered.
"Works every time," Nami said smugly, tucking the meat away for later.
As they boarded the ship, they turned back to Nolan, their expressions shifting from exasperation to something softer.
"Don't you dare take too long," Nami warned, pointing a threatening finger.
"If you're not back by dinner, I'm giving Luffy your share," Sanji added, though the concern in his eyes was obvious.
Zoro just grunted. "Try not to die, lazy ass."
Robin, though, was the quietest. Her hands clenched at her sides, guilt and gratitude warring in her chest.
Nolan gave her a lazy smirk. "Quit worrying. I'll be back before you finish crying into your coffee."
She huffed, but the tension in her shoulders eased slightly.
With that, the Going Merry set sail, leaving Nolan alone on the crumbling island.
He stretched, cracking his neck.
"Alright, you government fucks," he muttered, watching the horizon where the first silhouettes of battleships were appearing. "Let's make this quick."
Somewhere in the distance, a Marine screamed into a Den Den Mushi,
"OH GOD, HE'S SMILING—"
And then the world exploded.
.
.
.
Mariejois - Holy Land of the Celestial Dragons
The serene, oppressive atmosphere of the sacred city shattered as massive screens flickered to life in the sky, broadcasting the chaos unfolding at Enies Lobby.
Inside the opulent halls of Pangaea Castle, the Five Elders stood frozen, their usual composure cracking as they watched Spandam's idiotic broadcast play out for the entire world—including every Celestial Dragon in Mariejois—to see.
"That imbecile!" one Elder snarled, his grip tightening around his sword. "Who gave him permission to air this publicly?!"
Another Elder massaged his temples. "This is a disaster. The moment that fool pressed the Buster Call button, he signed his own death warrant."
But their concerns were nothing compared to the storm brewing outside.
---
The streets of the sacred city had descended into absolute pandemonium. Celestial Dragons, who normally floated above the world on their pampered pedestals, were now screeching, shoving, and outright brawling in the gilded plazas—all over a single man.
A group of them had formed a snarling pack, their grotesque faces twisted with greed and cruelty.
"I'll peel that pretty skin off and wear it as a coat!" one cackled, waving a jeweled dagger.
"No, I want to break him first! I'll make him crawl on his knees!" another sneered, cracking a slave whip for emphasis.
"Fools! He's worth more as a possession! I'll lock him in a glass case!" a third screeched, already imagining Nolan as his newest trophy.
But before they could scheme further, a much larger group of Celestial Dragons stormed forward—their normally bored eyes now burning with fanatical devotion.
"YOU FILTHY DEGENERATES!" a woman in an oversized feathered hat shrieked, pointing an accusing finger. "IF YOU DARE TOUCH HIM, I'LL HAVE YOU STRUNG UP BY YOUR OWN INTESTINES!"
"THAT'S RIGHT!" a man in a gilded mask roared, shaking his fist. "HE'S TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR YOUR FILTHY HANDS! WE'LL BURN YOU ALIVE BEFORE YOU EVEN GET CLOSE!"
The two factions clashed like rabid dogs.
One particularly enraged noble, a woman who had never lifted a finger in her life, punched another Dragon square in the face.
"HOW DARE YOU EVEN LOOK AT HIM WITH THOSE DISGUSTING EYES!"
The victim stumbled back, clutching his nose. "Y-YOU HIT ME?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"
"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE CELESTIAL KING HIMSELF! NOBODY INSULTS MY FUTURE HUSBAND!"
---
"This… this is a nightmare."
"They're fighting over a pirate like he's some rare collectible!"
"Worse—they're fighting over him like he's higher than them."
One of them buried his face in his hands. "If this keeps up, they'll start wars over him."
Just then, a messenger burst in, panting.
"ELDERS! THE CELESTIAL DRAGONS ARE NOW BIDDING FOR HIM! THE HIGHEST OFFER IS 50 BILLION BERRIES!"
Silence.
Then—
"WE'RE DOOMED."
Outside, the chaos only grew.
"100 BILLION!"
"200 BILLION!"
"I'LL GIVE UP MY ENTIRE COLLECTION OF SLAVES!"
And in the middle of it all, one voice rose above the rest—
"I'LL MARRY HIM AND MAKE HIM A CELESTIAL DRAGON!"
The Elders collectively groaned.
"Someone… please… kill Spandam for starting this."
.
.
.
.
Back at Enies Lobby, Nolan gave a lazy smile when the silhouettes are finally beginning to clear up.
"Tch. That's it?"
He had expected hundreds of battleships, an overwhelming force that would at least make this interesting. Instead, only a fraction of the Buster Call fleet had arrived.
He didn't know that Sengoku tried preventing the call but failed to reach the other islands leading to them rushing here, to fulfill their purpose.
Cannon fire boomed across the island, explosions tearing through buildings and sending debris flying. Yet, strangely, not a single shot landed near Nolan. The ground around him remained untouched, as if the very world was politely stepping around him.
"The hell? Are they even trying?" he muttered, scratching his head.
Then, a voice cut through the chaos—clear, composed, and dripping with dramatic flair.
"We have arrived, and it is now that we perform our charge."
Nolan blinked.
"In fealty to the Gorosei, our unshakable lords, and by the grace of the World Government, I declare Buster Call upon the island of Enies Lobby."
He turned his head, spotting the speaker—a tall woman with sharp blue eyes and short black hair, standing proudly on the deck of the lead ship. Vice Admiral Doll.
"I hereby sign the death warrant of an entire island, and consign thousands of souls to oblivion."
Nolan yawned.
"May Absolute Justice account in all balance."
"Wow. That was extra," he said, unimpressed.
But then he noticed something… off.
Doll's eyes weren't filled with the cold fury of a Marine executing justice.
No.
They were burning with something far more terrifying—devotion.
Nolan's skin crawled as his Voice of All Things picked up her thoughts.
'He's even more beautiful in person…'
'I'll fake our deaths. We'll escape together. Just the two of us…'
'I'll take care of him. Forever.'
Nolan recoiled. "What the fuck?!"
This woman wasn't here to kill him.
She was here to wife-nap him.
"Nope. NOPE. Not dealing with this shit," Nolan groaned, rubbing his face.
Time to end this.
The air around him warped as his Conqueror's Haki erupted—a tidal wave of pure dominance crashing over the entire fleet.
Marines dropped like flies, their bodies hitting the deck before their minds even registered the pressure.
Only one person remained standing.
Doll.
Her knees shook, her teeth gritted, but she refused to fall. Her obsession was stronger than even the weight of a King's will.
Nolan's eye twitched. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me."
Fine.
If she wanted to play hardball, he'd show her what real power looked like.
His body hummed as his Armament Haki surged—not just black, but void-colored, darker than the deepest abyss. It coiled around his fist like liquid shadow, pulsing with raw, unchecked destruction.
Then, he layered his Conqueror's Haki over it.
The moment the two energies fused, the very fabric of reality around his fist screamed. The air distorted, light bent, and the ground beneath him cracked just from the sheer density of power gathering in his grip.
Doll's eyes widened.
Nolan grinned.
"Sorry, lady. But I don't do crazy."
He reared back—
And punched.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The world went white.
The last thing Vice Admiral Doll saw before oblivion took her was Nolan's lazy smirk—and the realization that she never stood a chance.
Then, the sea split.
The ships vaporized.
And Enies Lobby?
Well.
Let's just say the World Government would need a lot of paperwork to explain this one.
---