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Chapter 19 - Nesting in Ammi's Absence – The Chilla Begins

**Scene 1: Homecoming – Joy Tempered by Memory** 

The hospital room felt emptier than it should have. Sunlight streamed through the window as Dr. Samina signed discharge papers, but Maryam's gaze lingered on Ubaid's face, tracing features that echoed her lost mother. Haroon carefully packed the diaper bag, his movements gentle as he lifted the sleeping newborn. Rimsha stood quietly by the door, her usual exuberance dimmed by the unspoken absence.

**Dr. Samina (softly):** 

"Maryam, you've been incredibly strong. Ubaid is perfect – healthy, feeding well. Remember: rest is your priority now. No lifting, no chores. Just bond with your son." She placed a hand on Maryam's shoulder. "Ammi would be so proud."

**Maryam (voice thick):** 

"Thank you, Doctor. For everything." 

*She blinked back tears, fingers tightening around Ubaid's blanket. The scent of his hair – milky and new – couldn't quite mask the phantom rosewater that always clung to Ammi's clothes.*

The car ride home was silent except for Ubaid's soft snuffles. As they entered their F-7 home, Maryam paused in the doorway. The nursery they'd painted together, the rocking chair Haroon had commissioned... all felt incomplete without Ammi's approving smile. Rimsha immediately began fluffing pillows on the sofa.

**Rimsha (gently):** 

"Come, Baji. Your throne awaits. I've got mint lemonade ready – just like Ammi made for you when you were sick, remember?"

*Maryam nodded, allowing herself to be guided. The mention of Ammi's remedy was a knife-twist and a comfort.*

---

**Scene 2: Rimsha's Plea – Filling the Unfillable Void** 

Three days passed in a haze of feedings and fatigue. On the fourth morning, Rimsha found Maryam weeping silently in the nursery, Ammi's faded dupatta clutched in one hand while the other cradled Ubaid.

**Rimsha (kneeling beside her):** 

"Baji... talk to me."

**Maryam (whispering):** 

"She should be here, Rimsha. She should be teaching me how to bathe him... telling me why he hiccups so much..." 

*Her tears fell onto Ammi's embroidered paisleys.*

That evening, Rimsha stood before Haroon as he reviewed case files, her posture rigid with determination.

**Rimsha:** 

"Haroon Bhai, I need to stay. Not just weeks – the full *chilla*. Forty days." 

*She rushed on before he could protest:* 

"University can wait a semester! Ammi would've moved mountains to be here for Baji's *chilla*. Let me be her hands. Please." 

*Her voice cracked:* 

"I couldn't help Ammi when she... when she left us. Let me help Baji now."

Haroon set aside his files, the weight of her words settling heavily. He glanced toward the living room where Maryam slept fitfully, Ubaid on her chest.

**Haroon (quietly):** 

"Your exams, Rimsha—"

**Maryam's voice (from doorway):** 

"Please, Haroon." 

*She stood silhouetted in lamplight, Ubaid in her arms.* 

"I need her. Not just help with the baby... I need *her*. Ammi's absence is... it's an open wound. Rimsha is the only piece left." 

*Her raw honesty hung in the air.*

Haroon crossed the room, cupping Maryam's face. He saw the grief etched beneath the new-mother exhaustion.

**Haroon (to Rimsha):** 

"Forty days. But we hire a tutor twice weekly – no arguments." 

*He turned to Maryam, thumb brushing her cheekbone:* 

"Anything you need, meri jaan. Always."

Rimsha flew into their embrace, careful of Ubaid, her shoulders shaking with relief.

---

**Scene 3: The Rhythm of Loss and Love** 

Rimsha transformed into a gentle force of nature: 

- At dawn, she prepared *ajwain* water – *"Ammi said it heals from within, Baji"* 

- She unearthed Ammi's handwritten recipe book, laboring over *qourma* and *daliya* despite burnt pots 

- During night feeds, she sat cross-legged beside Maryam, whispering childhood stories: *"Remember when Ammi hid Eid money in seviyan?"* 

One rainy afternoon, Maryam broke down while bathing Ubaid. 

**Maryam (sobbing):** 

"I don't know how to do this without her!" 

**Rimsha (taking the sponge):** 

"Let me." 

*Her hands moved with unexpected sureness.* 

"Ammi taught me when you got pregnant. She said... *'Maryam will need your hands when mine tire.'* She knew, Baji. She *knew*." 

*They wept together over the wriggling baby, grief and love swirling in the steam.*

Haroon came home early to find them asleep – Maryam curled on the sofa, Rimsha slumped beside her, Ubaid cradled between them. Ammi's framed photo watched over them from the side table. He covered them with Ammi's old shawl, breathing in its lingering rose scent.

---

**Scene 4: Abbu's Visit – Carrying Ammi's Light** 

Abbu arrived bearing tiffins of *nihari* – *"Cooked by Khalida Aunty, but spices measured by your Ammi's notes"*. His eyes lingered on Ubaid's face.

**Abbu (hoarsely):** 

"She lives in his eyebrows, Maryam. Just there." 

He placed a worn velvet box in Maryam's hands. Inside lay Ammi's pearl teardrop earrings. 

**Abbu:** 

"She wanted Ubaid's mother to wear these on his first Eid." 

When Rimsha brought tea, Abbu pulled her close. 

**Abbu:** 

"You wear Ammi's strength, beti. She'd say... *'Look how my girls hold each other up.'"* 

Later, as Abbu held Ubaid by the window, sunlight caught the pearls at Maryam's ears. Rimsha squeezed her hand. For a heartbeat, the room felt full – not of absence, but of Ammi's enduring love, stitched into their grief by the sister who refused to let her memory fade.

**Maryam (whispering to Ubaid):** 

"Feel that, *jaan*? Your Nani's here. In Auntie Rimsha's hands... in Abbu's stories... in every stitch of this *chilla*." 

Haroon watched from the doorway, the fortress of family rebuilt not in spite of loss, but around its sacred space. The chilla had become their sanctuary – not to forget, but to remember Ammi through the act of nurturing her legacy.

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