I was walking side-by-side with Issei under the soft glow of the moonlight, heading straight toward the creepiest church this side of anime budget cuts.
MC: "So… we're just gonna walk up to the spooky haunted church like it's a Taco Bell, huh?"
Issei: "We're saving Asia."
MC: "i know, i know, you told me 100 times dude."
We kept moving until I spotted two silhouettes up ahead, just chilling like cover models. The moonlight hit them dramatically—because of course it did—and I instantly recognized them.
Kiba: "Issei! There you are!"
Issei waved like a happy little pigeon.
Issei: "Hey guys! Sorry if I kept you waiting!"
Kiba and Koneko were standing there like they'd been doing a photoshoot for the last 20 minutes. Issei ran up to them, and then—
Koneko: "...What is he doing here?"
She side-eyed me so hard I almost turned into a side quest.
Kiba: "Wait a sec…"
He grabbed Issei like a concerned mom and yanked him to the side with Koneko following. They tried to whisper—but I got demon ears, baby. Super eavesdrop mode: activated.
Kiba: "Why is he here, Issei?"
Koneko: "Yeah. Are you stupid."
Issei: "He's the guy who saved me! And he tried to help Asia. He's cool. Probably. Maybe."
MC(thinking):"Well fuck you too."
Kiba: "WHAT?! He saved you?"
Kiba spun around and stared at me like I just told him I invented ramen.
I smiled and gave a friendly wave.
MC (in my head): "Haha, they must be SO confused right now. I LIVE for this."
Kiba: "So… he helped you?"
Issei: "Yup."
Koneko: "Is he… like, a devil like us?"
Issei: "Huh… good question. I never asked."
Suddenly, all three of them turned to look at me like I was the finale of a soap opera.
Koneko: "Hey dummy, are you a devil?"
She got real close as she bent down a but to look at me with her golden eyes like a cures cat.
MC(Thinking):"Bruh... she so freaking adorable, like my heart is melting."
Koneko:"what with yhe dum grin answer my questions.
Then I struck a JoJo pose so dramatically, even the wind stopped to admire me—cue overly intense close-up and dramatic zoom with orchestra blaring in the background.
MC: "Yup. Full-time devil. Part-time snack enthusiast. Just like you guys but without the Snack enthusiast."
They looked at dumbfounded. And the most shocked one was kiba for some reason.
Kiba: "Wait WHAT? You are?! Why didn't you tell me?!"
MC: "Huh? Why would I?"
Kiba: "Because I thought we were FRIENDS!"
MC:"Well that was a bold assumption."
He looked genuinely hurt. Like I broke his favorite toy or something.
MC: "Well… you never asked."
Kiba: "…Okay. Fair enough."
MC: "See? Honesty. Boom."
Kiba sighed like a man realizing his favorite anime just got delayed again.
Issei: "Okay, cool, he's a devil. Great. Can we PLEASE go save Asia now before she becomes Holy Pancake or something?"
We all looked at each other, nodded, and started walking.
Eventually, we reached the church. A classic gothic horror vibe. Broken windows. Crows cawing in the background. Probably smelled like expired communion wafers and regret.
(A/C:"I'm adding my own surger to this part tehe :p )
Standing outside were three Fallen Angels, just guarding the place like bouncers at a very judgmental nightclub.
Kiba: "Alright, here's the game plan."
He motioned for everyone to duck behind a nearby wall.
Kiba: "We take those three out first. Issei, you'll sneak in and save Asia. Me, Koneko, and Levi will—"
Issei: "Uhhh guys? Where's Levi?"
Everyone looked around.
Koneko: "...Where'd he go?"
Suddenly, they heard it. From the front lines. My voice, roaring like a man who had just 5 bags of white powder sugar.
MC (from the distance): "COME GET SOME, MOTHERFUNKERS!!!"
I was already sprinting full-speed at the Fallen Angels like I was cosplaying doomguy.
Back behind cover, Kiba sighed so hard he nearly blew a tree down.
Kiba: "Well… change of plans."
Koneko: "Follow his lead?"
Kiba: "Yep."
They all jumped out and started running after me like it was the final sprint of a sports anime.
Issei: "WHY ARE WE CHARGING?! I'M NOT BUILT FOR THIS!!"
MC (still running): "THIS IS CALLED INITIATIVE, BABY!"
I ran like my GPA depended on it, straight toward three very confused Fallen Angels. Fists clenched. Battle cry echoing through the night like a very loud, very unhinged mixtape.
One of the Fallen glanced to the left, his brows furrowing.
Fallen Angel 1: "Hey... what's that sound—"
MC (Grinning wildly): "TOO LATE! GUM GUM
My arm stretched back like a slingshot, and the second it launched, it smashed straight into his face. The guy went flying into a tree like a slapped piñata.
Kiba: "What... the... hell?!"
Koneko: "His arm... stretched?"
Issei: "IS THIS GUY MR, FANTASTIC?!"
MC (Cracking knuckles): "Yo! I got this handled over here. You guys go save our little church princess."
They where still shocked but after a few seconds they nodded and ran inside. The Fallen Angel I punched earlier staggered to his feet, blood dripping from his nose.
The other two Fallen just stood there, dumbfounded.
Fallen Angel 2: "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"
MC (Grinning like a maniac): "Your worst nightmare, bitch."
They looked pissed, but I looked fabulous. The one I punched got up, blood streaming from his nose like a leaky faucet.
Fallen Angel 1: "Y-You son of a bitch! You dare hurt me, you filthy devil!"
All three charged up their light spears and launched eight of them at me. The ground exploded in a holy light show like a budget version of Avengers: Endgame. Debris flew. The air sizzled.
Fallen Angel 3 (Smirking): "That's what you get, mutt."
As the dust settled, they laughed—until they noticed something.
Fallen Angel 2: "Wait... where is he?!"
MC (From above): "YOHOHO! UP HERE, FUCKERS!"
They looked up—and there I was, mid-air, grinning like I was about to drop a mixtape.
MC (Biting my finger): "Let's test this bad boy out... THIRD GEAR!"
My fist ballooned to the size of a house. The sky dimmed from its sheer mass. Birds evacuated.
MC: "GIGANT... PISTOL!!!"
BOOOOM! I brought my fist down like the wrath of God himself, creating a mini crater and sending the three Fallen flying like Team Rocket. When the dust cleared, they were unconscious—defeated by one stretchy boi with anime brain damage.
MC (Dusting off my hands): "Alright, bugs squashed. Time to head inside."
I burst through the church doors like I owned the place and immediately spotted a ton of small rocks hurling toward Koneko.
MC (Diving dramatically): "NOPE!"
I took the hits like a champ, bouncing them off my rubber body and into the guards. They went down like bowling pins.
Koneko: "..."
MC (Awkward smile): "Sooo... you come here often or...?"
Cue awkward silence.
Then I heard someone scream.
Suddenly, Freed appeared, looking pissed but slightly scared.
Freed: "Y-You bastard!"
MC (Cracking neck): "Aw, don't be shy. Come get this work."
I ran up and grabbed his face and slammed him into a wall, where he slumped like a wet sock. Knocked out. KO. Game over.
MC: "One star. Would not fight again."
I turned to the others.
MC: "Alright, now to find Issei—
Kiba and Koneko just stared at me like they saw something amazing, both sides with eyes full of curiosity.
MC:"wait, why is everyone just staring at me? Am I really that pretty?"
No one laughed.
MC (Sweating): "Tough crowd."
Suddenly, I heard a scream. I bolted into the next room.
There was Issei, skewered by two light spears in his legs. Raynare stood over him, laughing like she just won the lottery.
Issei (Groaning): "Y-You bitch!"
In a sudden burst of rage, he grabbed her and yeeted her across the room like a ragdoll.
MC (Grinning): "That's my boy."
I ran over and helped him up, noticing Asia on the floor—dead.
Issei broke down crying, holding her. I stood still.
MC (Thinking): I'm not worried. I know what's coming.
Right on cue—BOOM!
An explosion erupted behind us, and two stunning women walked through the smoke: Rias Gremory and Akeno Himejima.
And that why I wasn't emotional, I knew she would come but what with the explosion, dramatic enough.
Issei (Suddenly chipper): "RIAS-SAMA!"
MC (Sighing): "Man did a full emotional 180."
Rias (Petting Issei like a good boy): "Well done, Issei."
Then her eyes landed on me.
Rias: "And who might you be?"
She smiled, but there was danger in it. Like, "I-might-erase-you" kind of danger.
MC (Hands up): "Chill, chill! I'm on your side. Yo!"
Rias: "..."
Kiba stepped forward.
Kiba: "He really did help us, Rias."
Issei: "Yeah! He saved my life."
Rias (Sighing): "Well... I suppose I owe you a debt then."
She gave a polite bow.
MC (About to speak): "Yo that's cool an—"
Koneko walked up, eyes sparkling. She pulled my cheek like I was made of dough.
Koneko: "You really are stretchy."
MC (Muffled): "Pwease stahp."
Akeno: "Oh my~"
Kiba (Tugging my arm): "Fascinating."
MC (Snapping): "I'M NOT A TOY! HANDS OFF THE MERCHANDISE!"
I shook them off.
MC: "Can someone please save the girl who just died?! Use your king powers and bring her back to life already dude."
They all froze—except Issei.
Rias: "...How do you know that?"
MC: "Ah, crap."
I sighed.
MC: "Because I'm a part of a peerage too. Sona's peerage."
Silence.
Rias (Backing up): "You're in Sona's peerage?"
MC (Shrugging): "Yeah."
Rias: "That means... I owe that smug bastard a favor now."
She glared at nothing in particular like she was mentally stabbing Sona. I forgot they had this rivalry going on.
A few minutes later, Rias revived Asia using her bishop. Issei hugged her like a lost puppy. It was heartwarming—like a Disney Channel original movie with slightly more violence.
MC (Smiling): "Well, my job here is done."
I turned to leave.
Issei: "Yo, bro!"
I turned.
Issei (Smiling): "Thank you! Really, you helped me So much!"
MC (Waving without turning): "No problem, man. Remember i'm your new homie now."
I got home and flopped onto my bed like a dead fish.
MC: "Ahhh, this feels amazing. Saved the girl, kicked some ass, made new friends. What could possibly go wrong?"
The next day.
I was kneeling on the floor of the student council room.
MC (Sweating buckets): "...Fuck."
Sona stood over me, arms crossed, eyes sharp enough to slice steel.
Sona: "Would you care to explain why you ignored my order and didn't come to the student council room?"
MC (Nervous).... I was... feeling ill ."
She looked at me and smiled, but not those heart warming smiles, it one of those smiles when you realise you fucked up big time.