"Wheee-OWOOWoo-heehee-WOOOAH!"
"Who knew flying inside a portal could be this fun!"
"Speak for yourself, moron..." I hear a familiar voice mutter next to me. Glancing sideways, I see Amelia flying through the portal with me, with that signature glare that screamed, 'I'm judging your life choices right now.'
"Meh, you had it coming."
"Why the hell did you drag me into this, you asshole!"
"Why not? I'm sure you will be very useful!" I smirk at her.
"Wha—?! You pervert!" Amelia jumped back, arms flailing like she was protecting herself from some invisible assault.
"Huh? No, I didn't mean it that way!"
The swirling lights around us started thinning, and a faint hole opened up in the distance, growing wider by the second.
"Guess, this is your stop," she said, swiping her hand with a casual flick. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind slammed into me, pushing me hard toward the edge of the portal.
"Oops, maybe I overdid it. Tehe~"
"HEY! WHOA WHOA WHOA!"
"Bye-bye, dummy!~" Amelia waved with a giggle as I was flung out of the portal, like some trash.
"DAAAAMMNNN YOUUUUUU!" I scream as I get tossed out of the portal.
"Amelia! I'll never forgive you for thi-" I stop in the middle of my sentence as I spot a bird slowly and casually fly by me.
Oh, look, a bird...
WAIT... so that means...
"AHHHHH!" I scream out as my eyes look down, realizing I'm FALLING THROUGH THE SKY, heading straight for the ground!
"No way I die like this! AmeliAAAAA WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!"
Panic sets in as I flail around, my mind scrambling for any spell, any ability, ANYTHING that could stop this freefall. This world has to have some sort of magic like that! Right? RIGHT!?
Think Kenzo think! Maybe it's the same as in the games and movies!
"Uh—uhhh! Wind! Create wind! Fly! Float! Feather Fall! Leviosa! Uhhh... UP UP AND AWAY!!!"
Nothing. Not even a little gust...
"DAMN IT!"
There is only one thing left for me to do... I was afraid I wasn't going to need to use it, but here goes nothing!
I flap my arms up and down, as if I were a bird, but to no one's surprise... It didn't work.
"Welp... I tried my best..." I mutter to myself with a dramatic sigh, closing my eyes as I brace for the sweet embrace of death. But it seems I was pretty high up in the sky.
Man, this sure is taking some time...
This has to be some kind of record for the fastest reincarnated death...
I think to myself, but as usual, the universe had other plans for me.
Instead of splattering on the ground like a pancake, I slammed into a hill covered with dense fantasy trees. A mildly "softer" landing, but it still hurt like hell! I'm talking about the kind of pain that makes you question if your spine just got invited to a conga line with all your other bones!
Of course, it didn't stop there. No, no, no. Fate wasn't finished with me yet.
I went crashing through the trees like a human pinball, my limbs flailing wildly, branches slapping me in the face, and birds laughing in my face as I passed them!
Then, as if to add insult to injury, I hit the ground with a thud, but not on flat ground, oh no. That would've been too easy. But onto a downhill slope... so naturally, I descended slowly and painfully, screaming all the way down...
"AHHHHHH! AMELIAAAAAAAA! WHERE DID YOU SEND MEEEEEEE?!" I yell as I crash through some bushes, bounce a couple of times off the ground, tumble over a rock, and land face-first in some very unflattering dirt.
REAL PAINFUL!!!
"Uggghhh..." I groan, my body screaming in protest as I slowly peel myself off the dirt. Everything hurts. EVERYTHING! Even my soul feels bruised.
"Ow... my back... my pride..."
After what feels like a century of suffering, I finally manage to stand upright, only to realize something even worse.
I have absolutely no idea where I am.
Thick trees, some green, some blue, covered with glowing moss, surround me in every direction, with the dimming sky barely visible through the canopy above. No landmarks, no signs, and most importantly, no conveniently placed "Welcome to Your New Life!" cute girl that should be greeting me by now! Just me, alone in the middle of some godforsaken fantasy forest.
WHY MUST I SUFFER LIKE THIS!? I scream internally, dropping to my knees like some tragic lead in a dramatic romance, and I have just lost my loved one. I just needed the rain and the sad violins playing in the background, and it would be perfect!
But just as I stand up again, I hear thunder in the distance...
I swear, if it starts raining now, the first ability I get is being used to BURN THIS ENTIRE PLANET TO THE GROUND!
"Great. Now what?" I ask myself, as if expecting an answer.
As I brush the dirt off my clothes, something clicks in my brain.
Wait a minute... these are the same clothes I had in my old world!
I glance down at myself, taking in the glorious sight of my cheap, slightly worn-out tracksuit.
Oh, fantastic. Just what I needed to start my grand new life, looking like some unemployed shut-in. Well, I was one, but that's besides the point. Not that I would be of much help in the workforce anyways... too boring for my taste.
But what kind of first impression am I gonna make? "Greetings, people of this fantasy world! Pay no mind to my weird, otherworldly clothes, for I am the mighty hero you all have been hoping for!" Yeah, that's not happening.
Sighing, I try to push those thoughts aside. Half the day seems to have already passed by the time I gracefully arrived, and miraculously, my pain is already starting to fade.
...Wait. Why is my pain fading so fast? Is this some kind of "spawn protection" for newcomers?! Ohohoho! Maybe I'm secretly OP! Maybe I have some insane hidden power that-
grrrrrr...
...Oh. That's my stomach protesting for food again.
Right. Priorities.
I decided to put my vast knowledge of outdoor survival to the test. Which is to say, I scrambled around like a caveman, gathered some sticks, and somehow managed to start a small fire.
"Hah! I knew those survival books I read as a kid weren't useless!" I say with a proud smirk, watching the flames flicker.
"Now to find something for me to eat."
I glance around the area, spotting a few clusters of berries nearby. They look edible... but they also look like they might give me an instant Game Over. You never really know with weird fantasy fruit. One bite and boom—either you're full or foaming at the mouth.
Looking around some more, I found a small river not too far from my so-called "camping spot".
I roll up my sleeves and kneel beside the water like one of those cool survivalists I saw on TV that one time... but to no use, I didn't catch any.
Damn it Amelia, if only you were here...
I sigh deeply.
...so I could force you to catch some fish!
I flop back against the grass.
Why do I have to suffer alone in all of this!? She's probably off somewhere comfy right now—lounging in a luxury bathhouse, sipping divine wine, getting fed grapes by worshippers or whatever it is goddesses do.
Meanwhile, I'm out here roleplaying Bear Grylls, but with zero survival skills and negative luck!
Eventually, hunger wins the internal argument.
I shuffle back to those suspicious berries I found earlier, give them one last judgmental stare, then pluck a handful and pop them into my mouth.
Sweet. Juicy. Slightly tangy. Honestly? Kinda delicious.
Let's just hope they're the 'satisfying fantasy snack' type and not the 'death in thirty minutes or so' variety.
Not long after, and a few more tries with the fish, the sun starts to dip behind the treeline, casting long shadows through the forest. The temperature drops fast, and the air turns crisp. Every creak of the branches sounds like a monster creeping up to nibble on my face.
"I should probably stop standing around like a horror movie extra," I mutter, starting to walk back to the so-called camp spot.
For the first time since I faceplanted into this world, I let out a small sigh of relief.
"This world..." I look up at the deepening sky, stars just starting to peek out behind the clouds. "Could this be my chance? A fresh start? A way to be someone better than I was before?"
...Well, at the very least, I should probably start by not dying on my first night.
Arriving back, I sit down next to the fire, legs crossed, using a stick to poke at the flames like I know what I'm doing. The forest around me buzzes with life—crickets chirp, owls hoot somewhere in the distance, and every now and then, something rustles in the bushes juuuuust loudly enough to make me paranoid.
No sign of Amelia. No magic menu screen. No helpful tutorial NPC to explain what's going on...
I glance up at the stars, letting my mind wander to things like where I'm supposed to go from here, what I'm going to do about my ridiculous outfit, and how exactly I'm going to convince anyone I'm some fated hero.
As I was lost in thought, a nearby bush rustled just a bit too loudly for my liking.
Probably some animals
I nod to myself confidently. But wait a second; isn't this exactly how people die in tragic backstories?! They hear a harmless little noise, assume it's nothing, and then BAM! A giant monster rips them apart!
Maybe I should check it out. Just in case.
...Wait. No! That's how people die, too! I investigate, and it turns out to be something actually dangerous, and the next thing you know, I'm getting killed... again!
Panic sets in my mind as I try to decide if I should go or not... But the sounds of the forest draw me in. Maybe it's just some small, stupid animal, like a cute bunny! Who knows, maybe that's how this world is.
Yeah!
I can't just let some stupid bunny scare me like that! What's it gonna do, bite my fingers off? Hahaha.
Nothing bad will happen, I'm sure!
*CRUNCH*
I stop dead in my tracks, legs shaking, eyes wide open, teeth clattering with fear as I look behind myself and see... nothing?
That's strange, I swear I heard a-
"Hey, get down!" a random voice yells at me.
HUH!? Don't have to tell me twice!
And just as I drop down, A FUCKING WOLF BARELY MISSES ME! Like, that thing is huge. Probably double my size! Do all of the animals grow this big here?!
Anyways, what am I even supposed to do in this situation!?
Thanks a lot, you useless goddess! I point my fist towards the sky in a threatening way.
"Whoa, that was close! Are you alright?" A brown haired girl comes running up to me, she seems to be my age, maybe even slightly older. She wore a weird black and white dress, and what's that on her neck? She seemed really scared and worried. Did the wolf chase her, and she saw my fire, running to it for help? Doesn't matter now.
"Please, take this if it helps..." She says as she hands me a small dagger.
What am I supposed to do with this? I don't know how to fight! But I can't look like a coward in front of her now!
Especially not with how she is looking at me with those big, cute eyes! The poor girl probably searched for a hero to save her!
"STAY BEHIND ME!" I declare, shoving the girl behind me with an outstretched arm.
Oh, why did I say that?!
The wolf snarls, its glare locked on me.
"Alright, little wolf, let's see what you got!" I say, trying to sound confident, but my voice betrays me with a voice crack, and my voice sounded way too shaky for me to look like I have a plan.
...Why did I call it little?
The wolf's eyes narrow.
...Did it just get ANGRIER?!
The wolf licks its lips as it growls at us even louder...
Aww, man, IT DID!
We all slowly moved around in a circle with the campfire in between us, waiting for who would attack first. Suddenly, the wolf started running and lunged at us with its jaw wide open. With little time to spare, I quickly shove the girl from its path and aim the dagger toward it. I came to this world as a hero! So I will be a he-
*CHOMP*
I looked down at myself, seeing that my dagger had missed completely and half of my torso was in the mouth of the wolf... In sheer shock and pain, I slowly turn my head towards the girl.
"Heyyy... uh... could you... get this thing off me? Please?"
"Ughhh..." She just stares at me in horror as the panic slowly kicks in.
"aaaaaaaaaAAAAHHHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! Ouch Ouch OOUUUUUUU!" I started whaling and running around in circles, in the meantime stabbing the wolf sometimes, but it didn't seem to be doing much. Its fur is somehow super strong!
*NOM NOM NOM*
The world... It's getting darker... My vision is getting more blurred... Oh no...
"Nooooo, don't die on me!" The girl rushed over as she saw me barely standing up and conscious. I dropped the dagger from my hand, as I didn't have the energy to stand anymore. Surprisingly, the wolf let go of me, and it didn't seem like it wanted to attack me anymore... maybe even the wolf is pitying me for being so bad at my job? I look at the girl with my eyes already half closed.
HOLY SHIT THIS HURTS!
I sure as hell hope you're some kind of conveniently placed healer!
"Wake up! Please! Don't leave me alone!" These are the last words I hear before falling fully onto the ground and closing my eyes as I stare into hers filled with small tears...
I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT SAVING YOU! AND FOR YOU TO THINK I WAS SOME AWESOME HERO! THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I HAVE FAILED TO SAVE A GORGEOUS GIRL!!!
DAMN IT!