We were practically speed-walking back to the Grand Bazaar like our lives depended on it—which they probably did. Or at least our questline did.
I mean, I just got veggie powers and suddenly my brain remembered something suspicious about Katheryne—AND the fact that we still had no clue how to find the tiny Radish Archon. So yes, I was in full mission mode. Eyes sharp. Ears alert. Mind? Still dumb, but trying.
And lo and behold—plot delivered.
"Oh, hey, there you guys are!" Dehya greeted us, her arms casually crossed like a cool older sister who definitely bench presses chaos and sarcasm on the daily
Paimon perked up and waved. "Oh hey, Dehya! What's going on? Did something happen? Or are you just being all mysterious again like the last five people we met today?"
Dehya gave us that usual cool-headed smirk. The one that said I'm ten steps ahead of you and also extremely hot while doing it.
"I've got something to tell ya. My lady knows you're looking for ways to meet Lesser Lord Kusanali, and she's been trying to come up with a way to help you. Well, I have an idea that might help."
Cue inner explosion of dramatic fireworks and theme music.
I subtly—okay, not subtly at all—nudged Lumine. "Told you she'd help us. My plot-seeking missile still works. Even if it's rusty. And mildly sleep-deprived."
Lumine gave me a look that was 60% unimpressed and 40% tired. "You were the one who said you're having memory crisis."
"Shh. That's classified memory leak. Focus on the part where I was right."
Dehya raised an eyebrow, amused but unfazed. "Anyway, it might not necessarily pan out, so don't get your hopes up too much. I'll need to take you two somewhere and ask someone some questions."
"Wait, like interrogation style? Should I bring snacks or an alibi?" I asked, only half-joking.
Paimon waved me off. "If you bring snacks, you'll end up eating them all before we get there."
"False accusation. I'm 80% sure I have restraint."
Dehya ignored the circus forming around her and continued. "What about Dunyarzad?" Lumine asked, tilting her head.
Dehya's expression softened a bit, and her voice dropped just a notch. "My lady is feeling a little worn out at the moment. Nilou's found a place for her to rest. After I take my lady home, let's meet in front of the Citadel of Regzar. "
Okay, okay, pause. I gotta talk about that moment real quick.
Because the second Dehya mentioned Nilou, my mind activated full simp-mode like it was on hot standby.
The name.
The angelic name.
NILOU.
My brain started playing violins. My eyes sparkled. My heart began composing a love poem involving dance steps and eternal loyalty.
Nilou found a place? Nilou, the actual goddess of dance and fluffy red hair and glowing innocence???
I opened my mouth. "That Nilou... she's truly an ang—"
And that's when I felt it.
That chill.
The spine-stabbing, soul-shearing, knee-buckling aura of judgment.
I turned. Slowly.
Lumine. Deathglaring. At MAXIMUM INTENSITY.
Eyes. Narrowed. Smile. Gone. Aura. Khaenri'ah-level murder energy.
Abort! ABORT!
I stopped mid-monologue. Cleared my throat. Looked away casually like I hadn't just written a love sonnet in my brain.
"—aaaand what I meant to say was, right! Right, Citadel of Razor, got it!"
Paimon deadpanned so hard it echoed. "It's Regzar..."
"Same thing. Tomato-tomahto. Swords-razor-regzar."
Dehya chuckled, shook her head a bit like she was dealing with a particularly enthusiastic cabbage, and gave us a lazy wave. "Anyway, I'll go drop my lady off, and we'll meet in front of the Citadel, alright?"
"Right, right! Citadel of Veggies—I mean, yes! Yes ma'am!"
She walked off like a boss, and for a moment, we just stood there in silence.
"S-sooooo..." I started, hands on my hips. "Where should we go in the meantime? Maybe a café? Perhaps a very hidden alley to hide from awkward stares and Lumine's unresolved jealousy issues?"
Lumine didn't answer.
She grabbed my ears.
"W-wait wait WAIT—!"
She dragged me.
"DEFINITELY far from here," she muttered through gritted teeth.
Paimon floated after us, barely holding in laughter. "You're not gonna have ears by the time we get to the Citadel."
"I WAS JUST THINKING OUT LOUD—!"
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how we transitioned from a normal encounter to Shigeru suffering yet another case of Death by Travel Companion.
No regrets though.
I got veggie powers and I'm gonna meet the Radish Archon.
Eventually. Probably. Hopefully.
If Lumine doesn't rip my head off first.
Send help.
Or snacks.
Actually, just send Nilou.
Wait no—Lumine's still holding my ear.
Abort. ABORT—
So there I was. Getting unceremoniously dragged away from the Grand Bazaar by the ears like some kind of disobedient hilichurl toddler who tried to hug a Ruin Guard. I mean, is it my fault Nilou's name triggers my poetic side? No. Is it my fault that Lumine has the jealousy settings cranked up to eleven? Also no. This is purely a coincidence. Blame fate. Or Paimon.
"You're lucky I didn't yank harder," Lumine muttered, finally releasing me from the Ear Clutch of Doom. I checked for permanent ear damage. Confirmed: bruised ego and dignity, but physically intact.
"See?" I rubbed my ear. "No need for violence. I am but a humble prophet of the plot."
"Plot prophet or plot clown?" Lumine quipped.
Paimon giggled. "Plot jester sounds about right."
"Wow. I'm being bullied in 4K," I mumbled.
We hadn't even reached our next stop when Lumine turned to me again. "Alright. Since your so-called plot prediction or whatever still works," Lumine said, arms crossed and eyes squinting like she was analyzing whether I was a prophet or just full of it (jury's still out honestly), "can you tell us what happens next?"
I brushed invisible dust off my sleeve like I was some sage who had just descended from the peak of Mount Inazuma. "Hmmm... Don't know what the exact words are... but here's what it's about."
Paimon raised an eyebrow. "That's not exactly confidence-inspiring, y'know."
"Listen, floating rice cracker, I operate on vibes and ancient anime instincts."
Lumine rolled her eyes. "Just say it, O Wise One."
I cleared my throat dramatically. "Okay, okay, so here's the gist of it: When we meet Dehya again at the Citadel of Regzar, she tells us about a little something-something. We'll learn from Asfand that an Akademiya convoy at Aaru Village was robbed. Grand Sage Azar—yeah, that super serious guy who looks like his breakfast is three spoonfuls of knowledge and a gallon of disdain—is absolutely losing it."
Paimon blinked. "Wait, someone robbed the Akademiya? Like, the place that has more security than Paimon's food stash?"
"Exactly! But here's the kicker," I said, pointing my finger in the air like I was solving a murder mystery. "Most of the information on what got taken is super classified. Like, 'you-didn't-see-anything Agent Kaeya-level' classified. But what is known is that the item has something to do with the Akasha, knowledge, and—get this—the gods themselves."
Lumine's eyes narrowed. "So it's connected to the Archons too?"
"Bingo." I gave her a double finger-gun. "Apparently, whatever was taken is now somewhere in Port Ormos. And that's where things start to go boom-boom-chaos."
"Boom-boom-chaos?" Paimon blinked.
"That's a technical term," I said.
Lumine folded her arms. "So there's more to all this than just finding a way to meet Lesser Lord Kusanali."
"Damn right." I nodded with theatrical seriousness. "This is gonna be one spicy rollercoaster ride with plot twists, secret agendas, and possibly a boat. And scammers."
Paimon, with the energy of someone who already knew we were going to suffer, flopped dramatically in mid-air. "So you're saying... we're still far from meeting the Dendro Archon?"
I gave her a thumbs-up. "Exactly, floating emergency food."
"Paimon's not emergency food- you know what? Why does Paimon still kept on reasoning with you?" she sighed.
"You float deliciously," I whispered dramatically, earning a pillow slap from Lumine. (Don't ask where she got the pillow. She's probably smuggling furniture again.)
Lumine sighed. "We better eat first and meet Dehya soon. We'll think about what to do next after that."
"Yes, commander," I saluted, wobbling slightly because I was still recovering from the Pillow of Pain. "Operation: Feed the Team is a go. Now, question is, do we head back to the Serenitea Pot for a nice, calm meal made by my highly trained teapot bird butler... or should we eat here in Sumeru City?"
Paimon perked up. "There are SO many food stalls here! We can eat, AND learn about Sumeru's culture!"
"For cultural purposes," I added, nodding sagely.
Lumine rolled her eyes but nodded. "Fine. Sumeru City it is. But we're not stopping at every food stand, got it? and I do want to try the Sabz Meat Stew again," Lumine muttered.
"I want a whole Pita Pocket this time," Paimon added. "You always take a bite out of mine."
"It's a tradition!" I said. "You're like the canary in the coal mine. If you keel over, I don't eat it."
"That's not how food safety works!!"
We strolled off into the streets like a trio of chaos on legs (or wings (???), in Paimon's case). The streets were alive with merchant calls, spice in the air, and tourists trying to pet tigers that definitely were not meant to be petted.
While looking around, I leaned back and closed my eyes for a moment. "Y'know... I feel like everything's slowly falling into place. Like fate's finally pulling back the curtain. Or at least trying to."
Lumine raised an eyebrow. "You sound like a retired fortune teller."
"I'm just saying," I murmured. "When you stare at the threads long enough, you start to see the tapestry. Even if it's got some ketchup stains and a few tears."
"...Was that supposed to be deep?" Paimon asked.
"I think so," Lumine said. "But knowing him, maybe not."
"Valid," I nodded solemnly. "Deepness is subjective."
We continued walking and eventually landed at a cozy little corner with cushions and low tables. I plopped down like a sack of onions finally finding peace. Lumine sat across from me with the elegance of someone trying very hard to ignore my presence. Paimon was already hovering by the menu.
"So," Lumine said, resting her chin on her palm, "we're dealing with stolen super-knowledge, possibly god-related relics, an angry Sage, and a city-wide mystery that might get us jailed if we mess up."
I sipped some weird glowing juice that tasted like sweet moss and mint. "Yup. Basically Tuesday."
She chuckled under her breath. Just a little. I caught it. Progress.
"We gotta be careful, though," she added. "If the Akademiya gets wind that we know even a bit of this, they'll put us on their watchlist."
"Pfft. I'm already on five watchlists."
Paimon choked on her drink. "YOU WHAT?!"
"...in Mondstadt. For uh... research reasons."
Lumine gave me a long stare. "Do I even want to know?"
"Probably not."
We shared a meal that was equal parts delicious and suspiciously green. Some old guy played a sitar nearby, the sun was warm, and for a moment, I forgot we were in the middle of a growing conspiracy.
I have quite a few ideas what's waiting in Port Ormos.
Because apparently, I'm a dumbass and speedrun this part of the quest back on Earth.
But whatever it is...
It better not involve sand in my shoes again.
I just cleaned them.
***
After our rather suspiciously green meal—which, by the way, I'm 85% sure included some kind of mystical moss that probably gave me brain Wi-Fi—we finally hauled ourselves toward the Citadel of Regzar. Dehya was apparently waiting for us there.
Now, you'd think we'd be the ones waiting for her, what with her being some super-busy mercenary who runs on deadlines, danger, and probably protein shakes, but no—
"Took you long enough," she said the moment we stepped in, arms crossed and eyebrow raised like a disappointed older sister who just caught you trying to microwave foil.
I dramatically placed a hand on my chest. "Excuse me, Miss Desert Diva, but some of us were out there saving culture through the sacred art of devouring questionable street food."
She chuckled, shaking her head. "I honestly thought I was late. Dunyarzad was still... well, let's say 'in her feelings.'"
Ah yes, Dehya-speak for: "Dunyarzad sat at the port being emotionally devastated while I awkwardly stood nearby like a bodyguard in a drama who doesn't know if they should hand tissues or just stand there menacingly."
"And yet, here you are, still getting here later than me," she added.
"Fashionably late," I corrected, adjusting my nonexistent collar like some roguish noble. "Besides, a true hero always arrives exactly when he means to."
Lumine elbowed me. "You stole that line."
"Borrowed. Like my emotional stability."
We shared some casual banter—by which I mean I teased Dehya about how she acts all cool and deadly but is probably the type to feed stray cats behind a tavern and cry over romance novels with overly muscular protagonists.
"Oh come on," I grinned, nudging her side. "Deep down, you're just a cinnamon roll wrapped in cactus thorns."
She gave me a withering glare. "Keep talking and I'll show you exactly where those thorns go."
"Worth it," I whispered, earning another snort from Paimon and a suppressed laugh from Lumine.
Eventually, we headed inside the building, where Dehya led us straight to some guy who looked like he balanced paperwork for fun and possibly cried in ancient Sumerian dialects.
"Oh, heya Chief!" Dehya greeted, casually waving.
"Ah, Dehya! What're you doing here?" Asfand asked, blinking in surprise. Then he looked over at us and smiled. "Well, well, didn't expect to see you three together. And you've brought a new friend too?"
I stepped forward, full confidence, maximum swagger—like a man who'd just eaten divine wisdom for breakfast and washed it down with plot armor juice. "Shigeru. Traveler from another world. Future husband of Nilou. Connoisseur of chaos. Lorekeeper of hot takes. Walking spoiler alert."
I raised a dramatic finger in the air. "Some men are born great. Others achieve greatness. And then there's me, who woke up one day and said, 'You know what? I think I'll flirt with destiny and the entire female cast.'"
I spun on my heel, imaginary cape fluttering, and whispered to no one in particular, "I know how this ends. I wrote the ending in a past life. I am the ending."
Lumine: visibly regretting bringing me along
Paimon: hovering between awe and a migraine.
Asfand: contemplating early retirement.
Me? Just getting started.
Asfand blinked. "...Future what of who now?"
"Don't worry," I said, clapping his shoulder like we were old drinking buddies. "I'll invite you to the wedding. You'll be in charge of snacks."
Lumine smacked the back of my head like she was whacking a coconut open. "Ignore him. He hit his head too hard in the rainforest."
"More like too many times," Paimon added.
"Ah, explains a lot," Asfand muttered.
Dehya snorted. "He might be unhinged, but he's not bad in a fight. Or in making me laugh, unfortunately."
"See? She gets it," I said, nudging Lumine. "Tell me I'm wrong. Go ahead. Try."
Lumine gave me a deadpan stare. "You're wrong."
"Betrayal."
Asfand chuckled awkwardly. "Right... Well, it's nice to meet you, Shigeru."
"That's THE Shigeru to you. I come with lore."
Paimon elbowed me in the ribs. "Stop scaring the NPCs—Paimon means, people!"
We all took a moment to pretend I wasn't a chaotic gremlin and returned to the topic.
Dehya leaned against a nearby post. "Hah! I take it you all know each other already?"
"Mm-hmm!" Paimon nodded. "We met this morning after the Adventurers' Guild pointed us to Asfand for more info."
Dehya raised an eyebrow. "No kidding... So where's Rukh Shah? I thought I'd help these two out by asking about the theft. Anything you can tell 'em?"
Asfand crossed his arms. "Rukh Shah's over at the Akademiya. The Grand Sage ordered the city to start bolstering defenses, so people are getting pulled back from everywhere."
He looked at us, then added, "Since you've already mentioned the theft, I suppose I might as well tell you what we know."
Dehya gave him a thumbs-up. "Appreciate it, Chief."
Paimon tilted her head. "Uh, theft?... What're you guys talking about?"
"Ah yes," I said, dramatically leaning in. "The Great Akademiya Heist. Probably masterminded by someone with a PhD in Being Suspicious. The one I mentioned to you idiots a while ago."
Dehya nodded. "Recently, the Akademiya lost something. There's a chance it's connected with the Dendro Archon."
"Oh?" I asked, feigning ignorance but internally doing jazz hands. "You don't say. Something something knowledge, something something divine mystery. Color me intrigued."
Asfand sighed. "The Akademiya sent a convoy to Aaru Village for an important package. It got robbed on the way back."
Classic plot hook. If this were an anime, the screen would zoom in on our shocked faces while a violin screamed in the background.
"The Grand Sage is taking it very seriously. He's got the matra on it and even asked us for help. We know the stolen goods are somewhere in Port Ormos."
Dehya nodded again. "It's the largest commercial port in Sumeru. You can get there by heading south along the river. Lots of different kinds of people there. Some... less friendly than others."
"The Akademiya's control doesn't stretch that far," Asfand added. "It's a mixed bag. You'll want to be careful."
I leaned toward Lumine. "See? See?! I told you. Port Ormos next. I am once again correct. Someone crown me."
She ignored me.
Asfand continued, "The item has something to do with the Akasha, knowledge, and even the gods. That's all we know."
"Well that narrows it down to, oh, the entire plot," I whispered.
"If you're interested, head to Port Ormos and ask around. You could try saying you're Akademiya students."
Paimon blinked. "Huh? Why?"
Dehya scoffed. "Are you serious, Chief? All the students are here in the city. Why would they pretend to be students in Port Ormos?"
Asfand just smiled. "If you're that curious, just go and see."
Dehya crossed her arms. "Count me out. Got work to do for the Homayani family."
She looked at Lumine. "And take it from me—if you do go, watch your backs. The Eremites there aren't as friendly. Some extremists are getting bolder. Chanting stuff like 'Retake Sumeru for King Deshret.'"
"Sounds like a party," I muttered.
Asfand shook his head. "It's ridiculous. King Deshret's been dead for thousands of years, and now they think he's returning."
"Hey, man, in this world, even dragons have comeback arcs," I offered helpfully.
Dehya sighed. "Not everyone's like you, Chief. The desert folk still want a god they can believe in."
She turned back to us. "That's all the info we've got. Be careful."
"Thanks, Dehya! And you too, Asfand!" Paimon said.
Lumine nodded. "We'll check out Port Ormos next."
"Oh, and don't forget," Dehya added, smirking. "Dunyarzad's waiting for you at the Sabzeruz Festival."
"Yep!" Paimon chirped.
"Don't worry," I added, finger guns at max setting. "I never miss a party where I can embarrass myself in public and probably try to marry Nilou. "
Dehya sighed. "Please don't."
We waved our goodbyes and headed off, the day growing hotter and the stakes growing higher.
And me? I was ready.
After all, if you know what's coming, you're already three steps ahead.
…I just wish knowing the story made me less likely to get punched
_________________________
End of Chapter 87
Quests Completed:
*Accidentally activate 3 flags and a love triangle (Again)
*Meet Dehya at the Citadel of Regzar as promised.
*Choose 3 chaotic dialogue options that have nothing to do with the conversation topic
*Speak with Asfand (and confuse him into oblivion)
Rewards:
*+100 EXP in Chaotic Stonks
*+30 Primogems (stolen from the devs' pity pool)
*3x Dubiously Green Sumeru Meals
*1x Glowing Fruit
*+20% Festival Popularity
*+500 Mora (Lumine's change)
*Unlock: Port Ormos Investigation