"Sorry," she apologized again. "I know I've been distant for the past… wow, three weeks. Time flies when you're busy."
Her dry laugh lacked any humor but Naruto nods anyway as he responded, "yeah, I get it. I've been preparing too; damn near had a factory of clones making Fūinjutsu tags. So, what's up?"
She hesitated to start and had to shake her head which sashays her shiny black hair before explaining, "I know it's been a while and I probably should've done this sooner…" Feeling an emotional boulder lodged in her throat, Kurenai pauses to cough.
She clears her throat a few times before a concerned Naruto asked, "Nai-chan?"
Feeling an intimate pull at the nickname, her eyes already moisten as she sadly advised, "I think it's for the best if you stop calling me that." Her nose felt hot as she dourly admitted, "there's a reason why I needed a break from us, and I'll be honest with you… I grew confused about us and what we could mean for one another. And trust me, I know I'm the one always talking about no feelings and remaining purely platonic in our intimacy, but… it hasn't… I haven't…"
With her deep sigh, Naruto bravely guessed, "do you… have feelings for me?"
Her widened eyes and drawn in brows answered everything for him, and at Naruto's great big smile, Kurenai immediately urges him to, "listen! Just listen, please." Nodding, he pressed his lips together to try and hide his smile but it went away on its own when she confessed, "before you and I met—before our arrangement—I was in love with a man. Who he is isn't important, but, at that time, I very much felt I was going to marry him, raise a child with him, die of old age with him."
With a strained face, Naruto's heart clenched so hard he couldn't breathe as he tried to convey, "Oh… I didn't… Well, I'm… sure you'll- you'll both be very happy toge-"
"Wait," she called, putting her palm up. "Just, let me finish." After his nod and a deep breath, she continued. "The views by which he and I lived our lives got in the way of that dream. Then you barged into my life—very much to my great delight—and I've been in this holding pattern ever since." She sighed, grumbling to herself, "Kami, this is difficult."
"Nai-chan, no matter what you say, you mean so much to me, I'm always going to be here for you." Thinking about everything in store for the exam, Naruto assuredly promised, "I don't ever want to lose you."
"You won't," she returned with her voice as much as her eyes. "What I feel for you every day is far more…" but her tentative words halt there. She's certain the hesitation is clear on her face, and how troubled she is by this. After a sigh, she continued saying, "after you and I made our arrangement, I didn't have to think about him, or our ruined dreams, or my faults—plus, you were an exceptional student I enjoyed teaching—and that was enough… until I started feeling more… lo- love for you…" Naruto's eyes widen in clear surprise and shock. Flushed, a brave and embarrassed Kurenai forced herself to continue. "But as much as I put our breakup on him, part of the reason that man and I didn't work out was because I wasn't ready; not truly. The truth is, a small part of me always felt hesitant committing completely to him, and you, when the moment came… but I never knew why until recently."
His flabbergasted expression would've made her laugh if she weren't about to break his heart. With wide eyes and a look of disbelief, Naruto could only think to ask, "what happened?"
Mournfully, Kurenai answered, "a dear friend of mine lost the person she loves."
"Oh, I'm sorry," he instantly replied.
She nodded her thanks before continuing, "it shocked me to my core and not because I was surprised, but because I always knew that's what awaits us. When I was young, my father died." Kurenai's throat constricted again and she took her time to add, "he was the world to me and I loved him more than anything, even my own mother. Of course, I knew people died, but before his death, I never truly believed my father would be one of them. My mind accepted, like the sun, that he was simply too strong or important to die."
Kurenai scoffs humorously as she plays in the memories of her youth, recounting lightheartedly, but also sadly, "he wanted me to make him proud—told me all the time—and I felt the strongest drive to do that for him like nothing else mattered. I remember wanting him to watch me become a strong and proud kunoichi… dreamed of him walking me down the aisle on my wedding day, and one day, holding his first grandchild in his arms… he would've been so so happy." As quickly as her brightness came, she just as easily became dour as she flatly stated, "but he died. He left me. And I couldn't make him proud, or have him walk me down the aisle, or give him his first grandchild… no dreams, no nothing. My sun died."
The tears in her eyes were all but pouring down her face when he stood to hug her, voicing, "…Nai-chan-"
She puts her palm up to stop him. "I'm saying all of this because I want you to understand why I can't be with you, or anyone for that matter. Whether it's you or any man, until I come to terms with this, my heart will always feel this fear." Wiping her beautiful crimson eyes clear of tears, she added, "I'll still help you whenever I'm able, but I can't give you more than that. It simply wouldn't be fair to either of us."
Dozens of silent seconds pass in the still room, the kettle nearly to boiling when Naruto finally managed, "I don't know what to say. That's a lot I didn't know about you."
"Don't rush. Like anything else, take it in a bit at a time," she casually instructed.
Smiling, Naruto jests, "ever the sensei," bringing out a lovely grin she eventually smothering it by pressing her lips to a dejected line. "I'll take my time with this," he told her, however his smile returned when he admitted, "but to be honest, I'm just pretty stoked I can be someone that important to you."
With a dry huff, she told him, "Naruto, stop. You're the most amazing man I've ever… fallen for." Kurenai can't believe she's admitting all this only to break up with him. It feels polarizing and backward, yet, a part of her feels relief knowing she won't be decimated in the future, as she was when her father died. However, another part of her hates herself for hurting someone she's in love with. Her heart aches, her head and neck are prickling hot, and it's hard to breathe.
With a smile that shouldn't be on his face, Naruto walked around the kitchen island as he asked, "fallen for? Like, you've fallen in love with me?"
"Naruto," Kurenai groans in amusement as she matched stepping away with his every patient approach. Having gone without him for so long, it's like going through withdrawals for Kurenai and she swears he can feel the strong gravity of her desire for him. Whether fortunate or not, she sensed Asuma land in the backyard while some of the team landed in the front of her home. Asuma looked through the window and knocked. Kurenai raised a palm to indicate she'll be with him in a second.
"Times up," she told Naruto as Asuma moved away to smoke one last cigarette. She walked to the kitchen door to let Naruto out as she griped, "and by the way, your Godfather is running us ragged with all his unnecessary security protocols."
.
.
.
🎉The novel is available in PDF with more than 400 chapters, visit us in our Ko-Fi store🎉
🎉ko-fi.com/horizon2075🎉