[General POV]
"Before I sang the song, I needed the help of the studio audience," Edward requested of the crowd before the filming began.
"When the cues arrive, I need you guys to clap your hands six times in a row. Let's practice," he said as he taught them the cues. Max, Caroline, Vanessa, and even the other SNL cast members all learned the cues from him.
"Here, everyone take one," the staff members handed out special items to the crowd.
The crowd waited excitedly for the song part of the show to begin. Finally, Edward stood on the stage with a synthesizer beside him. The spotlight fell on him.
Wearing a microphone and white gloves, Edward pressed a button on the synthesizer and played the beat for the song.
The opening beat featured a prominent handclap pattern on beats 2 and 4, along with a bass line and sampled soul horns. As the beats started, a group of dancers with white gloves and blue jumpsuits entered the stage from behind Edward.
The dancers clapped to the beat while Edward smiled at the audience. He posed like Elvis, and shouted.
"Turn it up!"
The dancers spread out beside him, making Edward the center of the choreography.
With a mesmerizing voice, Edward became the bane of every negative emotion as he began to sing.
"♫♪ Somebody save your soul! 'Cause you've been sinnin' in this city, I know! ♫♪"
"♫♪ Too many troubles! All these lovers got you losin' control! ♫♪"
"♫♪ You're like a drug to me! A luxury, my sugar and gold! I want the good life. Every good night, you're a hot one to hold. ♫♪"
Edward moved to the left side of the stage as he sang, with the dancers moving together with him.
As the refrain arrived, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Fred Armisen, and Jason Sudeikis, the backbone of the pre-2012 shows, lined up side by side and stood still with stoic faces, hiding their hands behind their backs.
Edward joined the line, bringing the spotlight with him as the background dancers went behind the comedians. He sang, "♫♪ 'Cause you don't even know. ♫♪"
Edward finally sang the cues, "♫♪ I can make your hands clap. ♫♪"
The dancers showed only their hands, wearing white gloves from behind the comedians, and clapped on the beats.
*Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap*
The crowd inside the studio also clapped together without missing a beat, making for an amazing performance.
Edward looked at the comedians seriously and sang, "♫♪ Said I can make your hands clap. ♫♪"
*Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap*
The comedians finally smiled and clapped together with the dancers, all of them also wearing white gloves. Then, they danced comedically.
As Edward entered the second verse, he walked back slowly to the center of the stage. He danced with the dancers in perfect choreography, mesmerizing the audience, both live and those tuning in on TV.
"♫♪ Somebody save your soul! 'Cause you've been sinnin' in this city, I know! Too many troubles! All these lovers got you losin' control! You're like a drug to me! A luxury, my sugar and gold! I want your hug and your affection! When they're holdin' you close. ♫♪"
The SNL producer's hand shook as he received the news from the staff member. "10.5 rating?! We… never broke out of 7 last season, and the season before that, and the one before that..."
"Sir, the ratings are still climbing. Right now, 10.5% of all the households in the country are tuning into the show," the staff said excitedly. The producer became lightheaded and fainted at the control panel.
Edward hurried to the right side of the stage where Kenan, McKinnon, Colin, and Andy Samberg were lining up. The dancers went behind them, and the routine on the left side of the stage repeated itself.
"♫♪ 'Cause you don't even know. ♫♪"
"♫♪ I can make your hands clap. ♫♪"
*Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap*
"♫♪ Said I can make your hands clap. ♫♪"
*Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap*
Edward crooned, "♫♪ Every night, when the stars come out— Am I the only livin' soul around?— Need to believe you could hold me down— 'Cause I'm in need of somethin' good right now. ♫♪"
"♫♪ We could be screamin' 'til the sun comes out— And when we wake, we'd be the only sound— Get on my knees and say a prayer, James Brown— ♫♪"
"♫♪ That I can make your hands clap. ♫♪"
♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
The bass line and sampled soul horns returned. The catchy beats made the entire crowd shake their bodies, and even some audiences watching on TV started dancing.
Every comedian gathered with Edward on stage and danced together in perfect choreography, even though it was an easy dance that took them a whole day to learn.
"Who's James Brown?" Luke asked as his mind was confused. His body, however, was dancing.
Jay reminisced and answered the question for him, "He was the Godfather of Funk!"
"♫♪ That I can make your hands clap! ♫♪ (Turn it up!) That I can make your hands clap! ♫♪"
The audience stood up and applauded. Gloria and Cam had begun to dance back at their house. Sheldon regretted tuning in; now the song was going to be stuck in his head all day.
Edward started sweating and smiled at the comedians as they rushed off the stage after the dance session ended.
"♫♪ My flesh is searchin' for your worst and best. Don't ever deny. ♫♪"
"♫♪ I'm like a stranger, gimme danger, all your wrong and your right. ♫♪"
"♫♪ Secrets on Broadway to the freeway. You're a keeper of crimes. ♫♪"
"♫♪ Fear no conviction! Grapes of wrath can only sweeten your wine. ♫♪"
Edward cued the audience, and the camera zoomed out, showing the entire crowd.
"♫♪ But you don't even know! I can make your hands clap! ♫♪"
Everyone raised their hands, showing the white gloves they were wearing. The TV audience was really surprised when they saw it.
Everyone clapped together in perfect harmony.
*Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap*
"♫♪ Said I can make your hands clap! ♫♪" Edward smiled in satisfaction.
*Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap*
The camera zoomed back to him, and he sang seriously as he danced at the center of the stage.
"♫♪ Every night, when the stars come out! Am I the only livin' soul around? Need to believe you could hold me down! 'Cause I'm in need of somethin' good right now. ♫♪"
"♫♪ We could be screamin' 'til the sun comes out! And when we wake, we'd be the only sound! Get on my knees and say a prayer, James Brown! ♫♪"
He stopped abruptly and said, "♫♪ That I can make your hands clap! ♫♪"
♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
The bass line and sampled soul horns made another comeback, and it turned into a chaotic dance session on stage with the comedians jumping back in.
"♫♪ That I can make your hands clap! ♫♪"
♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
Edward made ad-libs to the song as the pre-recorded vocals played out.
"That I can make your hands clap!"
He crooned, "♫♪ Yeah, oh, yeah! ♫♪"
"♫♪ That I can make your hands clap! ♫♪"
He danced with Kristen Wiig and Kate McKinnon. "(Yeah, oh)"
Everyone stopped abruptly and faced the camera together. Edward sang solo, "♫♪ So can I get a handclap? ♫♪"
The audience was silent for a few seconds before they broke into a maniacal, thunderous applause.
"11.5! The spike broke all the ratings SNL ever had!" The producer said feverishly.
They broke the records on NBC, surpassing the finale of Friends which was at 10.4, Seinfeld at 10.4, Cheers at 10.5, The Tonight show at 11, and only lost to the finale of a long running series, ER– which was at 12.
The old man bit his finger as the commercial break returned. The last part of the show was the sketches, however Edward wasn't in any of it. The ratings hadn't solidified yet, and it could drop when the show's over. Even now at the commercial it had dropped to below 9.
"Cut the sketches in half, then bring him back for the finale. That's the only way for us to get an above 10 overall rating. If that happens, then a new breath will be injected to SNL. Singing…or–or even sketches."
The producer read the prepared comedic sketches, not realizing the little note on the paper. "Swap out Bill–Sudeikis, let Newgate take his role. He's not recontracting anyway."
"Um," The staff hesitated. The producer turned to her angrily and said, "What are you standing around for? We don't have much time! Go now!"
The staff wanted to tell him that changing the roles right now would be risky. Not to mention Edward had already carried half of the show.
Suddenly shoehorning him into the sketches could create a bad impression onEdward and resentment from the comedians that worked hard to write the sketch.
She reached Jason and panted heavily, but she kept talking despite not having sufficient breath, "The boss… Wants… To let… Newgate do… me–I meant More… Replacing you… In the next skit…"
"Oh, we can't do any changes to the next skit." Jason said casually, not bothered at all.
"Why… not…" The staff asked, finally catching her breath.
"It's pre-recorded. See.." He peeked at her paper and showed her the notes. "But Eddy is still in the clip, so you don't have to worry about it."
The staff breathed in relief, but her excitement didn't last long. "So he picked me to kick out huh? Glad to know I'm no longer welcomed here, even though you guys begged for my help."
"Um…" The staff felt awkward and quietly made her way back to the boss's office.
As the commercial ended, it was time for the comic sketches. It was the final part of the show.
Weekend updates with Seth Meyer usually closed the show, but Seth was still away. It brought a lot of opportunities for the comedians to showcase their abilities with the extra time allotted to their shows.
The first show was an in-house sketch about diabetes intervention (Studio C). Keenan, Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, Kirsten Wiig and Kate McKinnon jumped on the stage, which was an ordinary kitchen with a dining table.
As Bill entered the house, he saw that his friends were in distress. "Hey guys, what's going on?"
"First of all Bill, we want you to know that we are all your friends here." Keenan said comfortingly.
Bill panicked immediately and grabbed Keenan's shoulder,"Has something bad happened? Did they cancel Downton Abbey?"
The crowd laughed at Bill's performance.
Kirsten held a black medical pouch and said tearily,"No, Bill. We found this in your car."
"Oh thank goodness! I thought I lost that!" Bill Hader said in relief.
"So, you're not even going to pretend it's not yours?" Andy Samberg asked, betrayal in his tone.
"Should I?" Bill was confused.
"Bill, we opened it." Kate said after taking a deep breath, acting as if it was a big revelation.
"Okay." Bill said flatly.
Kate continued, "And we saw what was inside."
"I assumed that when you said you opened it." Bill quipped, earning laughs from the audience.
"We found needles and drugs." Kirsten said tearily again.
"Yes. It is a pouch to hold that stuff." Bill said flatly again, not finding the faults the others were desperately trying to show him.
Samberg became desperate, holding his head as he said,"God– How long has this been going on?"
"Since I was a teenager." Bill replied casually.
Kirsten approached Bill and took out a vial from the pouch, squinting her eyes as she read the label, "Bill, you're addicted to this— "this insulin"?"
"What–Okay, I don't know how you guys didn't know this, but I have diabetes." Bill laughed it off, thinking that everything would be normal once he tell them his condition.
Keenan rolled his eyes and threw his hands up, "Matt, we can't have a serious conversation if you're just going to make up words."
The crowd burst into laughter again.
Bill became urgent, "Diabetes is a real word. It's a metabolic disease."
Andy crossed his arms together and mocked Bill, "Oh yeah, okay. I know all about your "disease." You're at some party and the guys are passing around the insulin, and you just can't say no."
Bill said with concern, "Have you been to a party? That doesn't happen. Insulin is expensive."
The skits continued for a while, earning a lot of laughs from the audience. The friends revealed to Bill that in order to help him quit, they flushed his insulin down the drain.
"We're going to help you get through this, Bill. You can beat this." Andy said seriously. Usually when he acted dumb, he made exaggerated facial expressions and weird tones of voice to show the audience he was dumb.
But in the sketch, he kept his seriousness, which made the audience laugh even more.
Keenan told Bill as they all circled around him,"Hey, don't you worry buddy. We're going to stay right here to make sure you don't call your dealer."
"You mean a pharmacist?" Bill said with disbelief.
Keenan retorted again, "So that's what they're calling them these days."
Bill rushed away from his friends to grab a phone by the kitchen counter, "Look, in a very removed way, I am grateful for your concern. But, in a more important and life-threatening way, I am very upset with you guys. You're completely ignorant about a very prevalent disease."
"Wait, who are you trying to call? Are you trying to score some insulin from your pharmacist?" Keenan accused him.
"No, I'm calling an ambulance. Because I'm going to need one soon." Bill said urgently.
"Why?" Kirsten asked.
"Because MY PANCREAS DON'T MAKE INSULIN!" Bill said, increasing his tone of voice slightly, but he didn't shout at his friends.
"We know, Bill. The pancreas is a useless organ." Kirsten responded, acting as if Bill was changing the topic.
"Y–You're thinking of the appendix." Bill tried to argue.
Kirsten cried, saying, "No, the appendix is the thing at the back of textbooks." She went into Andy's arms and he gave her a comforting hug.
The crowd burst into laughter at the wordplay and Edward felt satisfied as he was the one who wrote the sketch. He never watched the sketch by Studio C before in his previous world, it was just something he thought off while working with the cure for the disease.
Bill was visibly shaken, "I'm going to freak out."
"Okay listen, we understand that you're angry, but we love you too much to let you do this! Friends don't let friends take… insurin." Kirsten told him. Everyone was supporting him, holding his hands to give him strength. Bill sighed as he waited for the phone to connect.
The responder, Jason Sudeikis answered, "9-1-1 emergency."
"Yes, hi. I need paramedics to come with an insulin shot because my well-meaning friends didn't know I have diabetes and they flushed my insulin down the toilet." Bill said calmly.
Jason paused for a bit before saying, "Sir, we can't help you if you're going to make up words."
The crowd applauded for the sketch as it ended. Edward said goodbyes to the audience, thanking SNL for inviting him, and then left the stage as the last sketch played on the big screen.
The title of the sketch was 'The Killer Is Just Not That Into You'. (Search Youtube for both of the sketch)
In the dim light of the forest, intense music played as the group of friends sprinted through the trees, panting heavily.
Edward shouted to the group, "Hurry! He's getting closer!"
Behind them was a scary man in a mask, chasing after them while snarling.
Kate McKinnon screamed, running desperately as she struggled, "He's right behind me!" She began to cry as she heard the scary growling of the masked man.
However, the masked man ran right past her and went for Keenan, who was in front of her. She widened her eyes in confusion, but she didn't stop running. The audience laughed at the uncanny situation and was fully invested in the story, especially since they knew Edward was the one writing it.
Edward shouted desperately as he watched his friend get murdered. "Keenan!"
Kate continued running and crying as she was still the last one behind. The killer chased after them again. This time, she tripped over a branch and fell flat on the ground.
Kirsten called after her desperately, "Kate!"
Edward stopped her from helping Kate. "There's no—there's no time!"
"Kate, come on, we gotta go!" Bill Hader shouted.
Kate shouted fearfully, "He's gonna get me!" The camera zoomed in on Kate and the killer's faces.
"Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no!" Kate mumbled. She accepted her fate by closing her eyes, but the killer jumped over her and rushed to kill Bill Hader instead.
Bill begged for his life, "No, no please! No! No, no, no!"
As Bill screamed in the distance, the others hid behind a tree.
Andy Samberg cried softly, "We're dead. We're all dead."
"I can't believe we lost Keenan—and Bill," Edward said, panting slightly, sweaty and with the visual of an action hero right now, which made a lot of girls swoon.
Edward, Kirsten, and Andy became alert when they heard the approaching footsteps. Kate hugged her body as she crouched next to her friends.
Kirsten said, "Kate! You're alive! I thought you were a goner."
"Me too, but he just... ran right past me," Kate said, her eyes darting to look at the serial killer from afar.
Andy said, "Okay, guys. We gotta make a run for the cabin." There was a cabin right in front of them.
Kirsten raised an eyebrow, not sure if that was the right move. "What?"
Edward said, "We should see if it's unlocked first."
Ominous music played, making the situation even more suspenseful.
Kirsten whispered, "He'll see us."
Kate suddenly volunteered, "I'll do it."
All of them exclaimed together, "What?"
Kate glanced at the serial killer again, her heart wanting confirmation. "Yeah. I'll go."
Edward exclaimed, "Uh, okay."
Andy said, "Just be careful."
Kate whispered, "Okay." She slowly made her way to the cabin, accompanied by ominous music. Suddenly, she stepped on a twig. The killer was alerted by the snapping sound and turned to her. They had another standoff before the killer ignored her.
Her expression immediately turned bewildered, and she turned to her friends, whispering, "Are you guys seeing this?"
"All: Go!"
Kate begrudgingly went to check the door and shouted whisperingly after opening it, "It's unlocked."
Everyone slowly walked to the cabin, cautious not to attract the killer's attention. Suddenly, Andy stepped on a twig, just like Kate had before. He closed his eyes and accepted his fate while his friends started running.
Edward and Kirsten tried to lock the door, but the lock was broken. They decided to hide in the closet while Kate complained, "You're seeing this, right? It's like he's just going out of his way to avoid me?"
Edward and Kirsten were desperate to stay alive while Kate was just casually strolling around. The stark contrast between them made the crowd burst into laughter. The killer invaded the cabin. Edward and Kirsten called Kate, trying to get her to hide with them.
"Just give me one second," Kate said, closing the closet door and leaving her alone with the killer.
The killer dragged a sofa to barricade the door, all while Kate casually approached him.
"Can I talk to you for a second? I just get the sense—I'm gonna use 'I' words here—" The killer banged on the closet door, trying to open it while Kate shared her feelings.
"I feel like you're not interested in me. Not in a romantic way, obviously. I just noticed that you're going after him... after her…"
The killer grabbed a fireplace stoker and began to break down the wooden door.
"Never me," Kate said begrudgingly, with her back against the wall, standing right next to the killer. The door broke down. Edward and Kirsten ran away from the killer immediately.
"See, like that. Like you're doing now. Typically, I try not to put my emotions on other people," Kate followed the killer as he followed the duo.
"But I am feeling frustrated if I'm being 100% honest right now," Kate said. The killer almost killed Edward before Kate positioned herself between the two parties.
"Okay! Okay, okay, this is a perfect example of what's happening right now. You're doing it, and it's upsetting me. It hurts—rejection hurts. Can you hear me through that mask?"
The killer grunted in frustration. Edward and Kirsten took the opportunity to run away from the killer, getting outside of the cabin.
"I—" Kate growled in frustration as the killer ran away from her again.
"Please don't walk away! This is important to me!"
Edward and Kirsten found their car and immediately got inside. They managed to start the engine and ran away from the killer while he banged on the car window.
As the car left, the killer was left alone in the woods. He moved slowly and accidentally stepped on a twig.
Kate appeared from the shadows, right behind him. "Hey!" The killer widened his eyes.
Kate shouted from afar, "Where do you think you're going, huh? We're not done here! Okay, I have more to say to you, mister."
The killer screamed like a girl and ran away from her in fear.
The crowd applauded as the show ended. The new type of skit, albeit experimental for SNL in this era, received positive feedback from the audience.
The ratings concluded at 10.6, which was an amazing achievement for SNL. So much so that the bosses down at NBC drove to the building to congratulate the cast and the producers.
But the star of today was already gone. Edward left with Vanessa after the show ended. The cast wanted to throw a party, but Edward excused himself, telling them that he was too tired.
"We're going to watch wrestling, right?" Vanessa asked as they got into the car.
Edward looked at her with disbelief and said, "Yeah. We're gonna. Did you really think we're going to go back home?"
"I'm sorry that you're so convincing when you're lying." Vanessa said, rolling her eyes at him. "Even I believed it."
She suddenly smiled and looked at him, "You did really great at today's show."
"I'm happy to hear that. Now let's go watch some sweaty men rubbing bodies with one another." Edward joked as he drove away from the SNL building.
…
There were four different parties who watched the show tonight from a hidden safe house.
Anslo Garrick was a mercenary specializing in the extraction of certain targets from maximum security black sites. But tomorrow, he had another mission.
He had prominent scars on his face, given to him by Raymond Reddington. He stared at his target on the screen with a mean face as the kid said goodbye to the audience.
"Do we have confirmation on whether he's going to the party tomorrow?" Anslo asked his goons.
"No, sir," the goons replied. "Although Bae Awadi claims that he's coming to the party on his social media."
"Good. We're finally going to finish our mission. He has impenetrable security, but when he goes to the party tomorrow, he will have to leave his escort behind," Anslo muttered with an evil smirk.
In another abandoned warehouse, which had been turned into a safe house, Gina Zanetakos—yes, that was her real name— a corporate terrorist for hire, said nothing as she stared at the documents full of psychological profiles on Edward.
"Hmm, at least he's pretty funny," she mumbled as she read the list of 'likes' in the file.
"Big boobs? Really? I don't peg him for a guy who objectifies women." She furrowed her eyebrows and decided to stuff her bra for tomorrow.
Mr. Ahmed—Bae Awadi's personal assistant—was also gathered in a safe house with his ragtag group of mercenaries, built by people with poor backgrounds instead of military backgrounds.
"Tomorrow at the party, I will make America pay!" Mr. Ahmed said menacingly. What they cared about was money, and nothing else. Pay, as in the literal sense.
Suddenly, a few men in suits entered the safehouse Mr Ahmed was in. They handed him a device and said, "This will block the StarLink connection inside the hotel. Just remember our deal. Don't touch the boy. We want him alive."
Mr Ahmed smirked and said, "Sure. We won't touch Edward Newgate. But everyone else is fair game."
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